REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

Welcome to the REVscene Automotive Forum forums.

Registration is Free!You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Automotive Chat > Vancouver Off-Topic / Current Events

Vancouver Off-Topic / Current Events The off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum.

Thread Tools
Old 02-18-2009, 10:48 AM   #1
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 18,363
Thanked 7,959 Times in 3,122 Posts
Joke Thread

I searched, albeit not that hard, for a joke thread. None to be found, so here it is. If it dies, who gives a flying fuck. If it continues....... more laughs to us.

Here's the first of, hopefully, many.

It's called the Husband Store

Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign shows :

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor, and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Last edited by MG1; 02-18-2009 at 10:55 AM.
MG1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 10:50 AM   #2
chun's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,133
Thanked 545 Times in 127 Posts

I've seen that one before, but without the disclaimer. Awesome.
Originally Posted by Hyde View Post
nammer don't listen to me, they listen to money. do you know how cheap it is to have someone killed in vancouver? let alone a beat down
chun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 11:02 AM   #3
To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Grandmaster TSE's Avatar
Join Date: May 2001
Location: 604
Posts: 16,871
Thanked 605 Times in 200 Posts
hahaha, so true
my seller rating :

member of the "Go To Jail For BoA Anytime Crew"
URA RENGE - Taijutsu Master of the Hidden Revscene Village

{o,o} ......ya rly!
PSN: AznAlien
Grandmaster TSE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 11:03 AM   #4
Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
hotjoint's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Surrey
Posts: 12,655
Thanked 646 Times in 349 Posts
hotjoint is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 12:04 PM   #5
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: richmond
Posts: 7,021
Thanked 1,518 Times in 599 Posts
heres one my coworker told me a few months back:

3 men go for an interview for the CIA.
the first man walks in, the interviewer says, "take this gun, go into that room, and kill the person waiting inside". the man takes the gun, walks in, sees his newlywed wife of 6 months inside. he immediately leaves the room and says to the interviewer, "no way am i killing my wife, i love her!", and leaves the interview.
the second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and finds his wife of 5 years waiting inside the room. he thinks for a few moments, then leaves the room, saying to the interviewer, "i cant do it... shes my wife", and leaves the interview.
the third man has been married for 25 years. he takes the gun and walks into the room, finding his wife inside. the interviewer listening from the other side of the door, hears "BANG, BANG!!" and some struggling and screams. 1 minute later, the man walks out of the room. the interviewer is shocked and asks, "what happened!??" the man replies, "some IDIOT put blanks in the gun, so i had to STRANGLE her to death".
unit is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 12:10 PM   #6
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
JDM4DR's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: 604
Posts: 165
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
HAHAHA.. Thats some funny shit... i LOL'ed at work!
JDM4DR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 12:12 PM   #7
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 18,363
Thanked 7,959 Times in 3,122 Posts


I've been married for just over 25 years, and believe me, there are times I wish I...........

repeat three times.......... she's the mother of your children, she's the mother of your children, she's the mother of your children.
MG1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 12:36 PM   #8
Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Banned
Posts: 330
Thanked 13 Times in 6 Posts
Q: What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
A: "How come?"

A baby seal walks into a club

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!

Acura NSX- I am impotent.
Alfa Romeo - I'm looking for Beta Juliet.
Aston Martin DB7 - I have sweaty feet, but still women like to suck my toes, I wonder why?
Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Audi TT - I love golf, but I love my car (with no space) more.
Audi A4 - Airhead who wants to be a banker, but is already a merchant . . .
Audi A6 - I like/have to shave my hairy arse.
BMW 3 series - I'm a successful sole trader & I can't drive.
BMW 5 series - I have a successful limited company & I can't drive.
BMW 7 series - I get other people to do my work, I'm far too important, but I still can't drive.
BMW Z3 - I eat bananas with Marmite spread on them & passed 3 GCSE's.
BMW Z4 - I run a trendy wine bar & have drunk most of the profits.
BMW Z8 - See Nissan 350Z
Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states of America.
Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Chrysler PT Cruiser - I dig graves & carry coffins.
Citroen AX - I chew on Barley straw & enjoy stamp collecting.
Citroen C3 - I want to escape to the jungle where life is free.
Citroen C5 - I have dreamed of conquering Mount Everest, but then thought it best to get a real job.
Citroen Picasso - From Essex, also see Renault Scenic.
Citroen Saxo - see Ford Fiesta.
Daewoo Matiz - I eat pizza for lunch & smoke 50 a day.
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
Ferrari 360M - I need a counselling session with Jerry Springer.
Ferrari 575 Maranello - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Fiat Uno - I'm a student waster.
Fiat Brava - Daddy buys my cars, one day he'll buy me an MR2.
Fiat Bravo - I drive my low budget company car.
Fiat Espace - I live on a council estate; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Multipla - I have no taste; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Punto - I have product overload on my hair & consider Pizza Hut an Italian restaurant.
Ford Anglia - I buy all my clothes and consumables from my local pound shop.
Ford Cougar - I secretly steal street signs, I have them arranged in my back garden & at night it looks like aliens have landed.
Ford Escort - I'm a wannbe boy-racer, but in secret I buy pot plants for my mummy & take my Grandma shopping every week.
Ford Fiesta - Hairdresser, no sense of direction.
Ford Focus - I'm a boy-racer disguised as a sensible office worker at the weekends I'm a curry monster!!
Ford KA - I'm a student & can't afford a Fiesta.
Ford Maverick - I'm cute, gay & immature and I love peanut butter.
Ford Mondeo - I'm a family person posing as a business manager.
Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Orion - I like to cut shapes into potatoes and give them to the homeless.
Ford Sierra - I still think LA Gear trainers are "cool" & prefer it when my mum ties my shoelaces.
Ford SportKA - I'm a geezer-bird/Silly little boy who doesn't know what real rally car looks like.
Ford StreetKA - Half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
Ford Puma - I want a sports car, but won't pay the money for it.
Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the autumn.
Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the autumn.
Honda Accord - I pick my nose & flick the boogers at small children.
Honda del Sol- See Ford StreetKA
Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Honda CR-V - I'm a friend to the animals & I talk with my mouth full.
Honda Jazz - I'm a train-spotter who's been arrested several times for stalking the trains.
Honda NSX - I'm stuck in the 80's & never eat my greens.
Hyundai Coupe - I still have acne, but honest it's just the teenager in me trying to get out.
Isuzu Impulse- I don't give a rip about Max Power or their reports.
Isuzu Trooper - I fancy Dale Winton.
Jaguar XJ6 - I'm so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Jaguar XK8 - I'm immature and have more money than brain cells.
Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Kia Sportage - I consider Car Boot Sale purchases Antiques of the future.
Lada Favourite - I'm a member of the Taliban seeking asylum in Great Britain.
LandRover Discovery - I'm a rich mum, who can't drive.
Lexus LS400- I'm psychic, I knew they'd be as good as a Merc one day.
Lotus Elise - I dance like an ape & I love watching porn.
Lotas Elan - I go on 18-30's holiday's to see how the other half live!
Lotus M250 - Definite liar!!**
Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)
Mercedes SLK- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda MX5 - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler.
Mazda RX7 - I know how to treat myself.
Mini - I'm from Essex, no more needs to be said.
Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either.
Mitsubishi Colt - I smell of cheese & shop in Liddles, Aldi's, Pound stretcher etc.
Mitsubishi Carisma - I have all the charm of a lion in captivity.
Mitsubishi Evo 6 - I was an extra in Fast & the Furious (honest).
Mitsubishi Evo 8 - See Nissan 350 Z.
Mitsubishi Shogun - I'm insecure, eat steak for breakfast & I want a LandRover.
Nissan Micra - I work for M&S, Tesco's, Wallmart, etc.
Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Nissan Primera - I design foe-fur naughty underwear for nuns.
Nissan Skyline - I love speed and I don't care who knows it, I also have a 3 page list of criminal convictions.
Nissan Sunny - I talk too much & can handle a vindaloo with ease.
Nissan Terrano - See Ford Maverick.
Nissan 350Z - I'm a liar! *
Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....
Peugeot 106 - I have the most independent and exciting life, I'm also vain & live in a dream world.
Peugeot 205 - I hang on street corners at the weekends & keep a machete under my passenger seat.
Peugeot 206 - I wash my car every weekend & I'm on my 2nd marriage.
Peugeot 206cc - I'm two faced and will try and run all you wasters off the road.
Peugeot 305 - I deliver pizzas for a living.
Peugeot 307 - I'm an accountant, I've found a car that suites every purpose & no purpose at the same time.
Peugeot 405 - I have a job in the civil service & play poker at the weekends.
Peugeot 406 - My girlfriend has to wear Elizabeth Duke Jewellery so I can afford this car.
Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on America's Ten Most Wanted List.
Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.
Porsche 911 - I have a small penis, my car is my substitute.
Porsche Boxter - I still live with my mum & treat women like crap.
Proton Impian - I have a pet raccoon called Jimmy & prefer shift work.
Renault Clio - I love my Daddy.
Renault Laguna - I'm always drunk, drunk, drunk!
Renault Megane - I'm a lottery winner honest, ok so I only got 5 numbers.
Renault Scenic - I haven't heard of contraception.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal.
Rover Metro - I spend all day watching Friends & ER, I also like egg mayo and Tuna sandwiches.
Rover 100 - I'm an OAP who always drives at least 20mph under the speed limit.
Rover 200 - I'm too bland for German cars & I never pay my rent on time.
Saab 9-5 - I definitely have more money than sense or taste.
Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)
Seat Alhambra - I can't cook, have rotten teeth & live on a council estate in Bromley.
Seat Ibiza - I want to be model, but I have no chance unless I bed the photographer.
Seat Leon - My boss hates, that's why he gave me this as a company car.
Skoda Fabia - I can't afford a Volkswagen.
Skoda Octavia - I wear Bart Simpson ties to impress . . . nobody!
Smart Roadster - I collect Mars Bar wrappers, I have one dating back to 1948.
Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more than a life.
Subaru Impreza - I'm just a poser & I want to get shagged.
Suzuki Vitara JLX - I'm a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world.
Suzuki Gran Vitara - I laugh like a demented dog & wear my underwear inside out.
Toyota Avensis - I'm a cabbie & have robbed many liquor stores.
Toyota Camry- I wear my wife's knickers.
Toyota Corolla - I wear the same underwear all week long.
Toyota MR2 - I'm far too old to be driving this, but at least the women I pull aren't.
Toyota Rav4 - See Suzuki Vitara JLX.
Toyota Starlet - I like to be different & not in the good sense.
Toyota Supra - I can do no wrong.
Toyota Yaris - I'm a failed student; also see MGF.
TVR Chimera -I'm blind and consider Fosters Ice a hard-nut drink.
TVR Tuscan - I keep picking up mingers, once had a bird with 3 tits.
Vauxhall Almera - I got to over 50's nights for a social life.
Vauxhall Astra - I've just got onto the property ladder.
Vauxhall Corsa - I'm single, but at least I'm not a hairdresser.
Vauxhall Frontera - I'm going through my mid-life crisis & want to own a Winnebago.
Vauxhall Nova - Essex-boy-racer & drug-dealer, has had more speeding fines than hot dinners!
Vauxhall Vectra - I've been a butcher, a baker & a candlestick maker.
Vauxhall VX220 - I can't see my feet, as my balls are too big.
Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagen Golf- I am out of the closet.
Volkswagen Golf Convertible - I'm still hiding in the closet, but one day. . .
Volkswagen Microbus- I am tripping right now.
Volkswagen Polo - I own my own salon, but use too much salt on my food.
Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife.
Volvo S40 - I'm getting a personalized plate to compensate for not having a Merc.

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for corn. The bartender says "We have no corn, get out of here." So the duck leaves. The next day he comes back and asks for corn again, and the bartender says "I told you, we don't have any corn! Get out!" So the duck leaves. The next day he goes in again and asks for corn, and the bartender says, "For the last time, we don't have corn! If you ever come back, I'm going to nail those webbed feet of yours to the floor!" So the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, of course not. Why would a bar have nails?" The duck then says, "Good. Can I have some corn?

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral
witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including
the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten racoon. The racoon is yelling,
"Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Hey, where did you get that?"

The parrot says "In Africa, there's tons of 'em."

What's the differance between Santa and Jews?
Santa goes down the chimney

Why can't Jesus eat m&m's?
They keep falling through the holes in his hands

Why have women never been to the moon?
Nothing needs to be cleaned there yet

Why is interrogating a mexican like playing pool?
The harder you hit the more english you get

A guy and a girl are having sex, and the girl says, "Don't you think it was presumptuous of you to think you could sleep with me on the first date?"
The man replies, "Don't you think 'presumptuous' is a big word for a second-grader?"

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.


A German, a Hispanic and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Hispanic, “You’re in charge of sweeping.” He then jabs a thin finger at the German, “You’re in charge of digging.” Finally, he turns to the Chinaman, “And you’re in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.”

Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the German and Hispanic standing beside it. “Why didn’t you touch it?” he says. The German looks at him. “We didn’t have a broom or shovel. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies but he disappeared and we couldn’t find him.” Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Asian. Just then, the Chinaman leaps from behind the sand. “Supplies!” he yells.

A priest is checking into a hotel. At Reception he asks the desk clerk "Is the porn channel in my room disabled?"

"No, Father," comes the reply, "It's just regular porn you sick bastard!"

A guy walks into the pub and orders double whiskey after double whiskey.
"Hard day at the office?" asks the landlord. "Yeah, I was having sex with a patient today and she bit me."
"Lighten up," says the landlord, "you're not the first doctor to have sex with a patient."
"Yeah, but I'm a vet."

So there's been a Toyota concept car called the 1/x, which is supposed to be all-electric. They've recently announced that they'll offer a wood trim package, made from natural log derivative.

bigotry, n. A larger oak.

(Say it out loud)

A Panda walks into a Pizza Parlor, orders some pizza and sits. Having finished eating, he takes a look at the bill and just heads for the door. The manager and waiter try to stop him, saying the he has to pay for his food. ON hearing this he pulls out a pistol and lets off a few rounds. The workers, terrified, ask him what the hell he's doing. He pulls out a dictionary and flips to the entry for Panda. It reads, "Small black and white bear, native to Asia. Eats shoots and leaves."

What's Red and sits in the corner getting smaller and smaller?
An obsessive-compulsive with a cheese grater.

What's blue and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic

Did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset?

Neither did she.

What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.
Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"
His father says, " old?"
He says, "I'm eleven!"
He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandfather, "Hey, Grandad, know how old I am today?"
He says, "Come closer..."
He unzips his jeans and reaches his thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.
He fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then he says, "You're eleven."
He says, "How could you tell?"
He says, "I heard you tell your father."

What do you do after you rape a deaf and dumb kid?
Break their fingers so they can't tell anyone.

A young kid is playing outside an orphanage and he sees a man coming out zipping his pants. So as a curious lad he follows the man home, knocks on his door and says:
"I know where you have been!"
"Shut up kid, here's 50$, forget it!" the man replies.

So the kid goes home and tells his dad how he got the money. His dad's furious and tells the kid to go donate the money and confess his sins.
Kid comes back with 100$
"Now I know where the man works!"

Why does beyonce always sing and dance to the left?
Cuz blacks have no rights

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest dick."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."

Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the day went on.
That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired back to their room.
Camilla flopped on the bed and said 'Please remove my shoes darling, ones feet are killing one.'
Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour.
But it would not budge.
'Harder' yelled Camilla.
'Harder?' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!'
'Come on give it all you've got ' she cried.
Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed: 'Oh God, that feels so good.'
In their bedroom next door The Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said:
'See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that!'
Meanwhile back in the other bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out: 'Oh god, darling, this one's even tighter!'
At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen:
'That's my boy! Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"


What do you get when you cross breed an Elephant with a Poodle?
A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.

A suit was filed yesterday. The owner said he was tired of the rough edges.
kc1337 is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 02-18-2009, 12:47 PM   #9
How I Mod your mother
!Yaminashi's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,668
Thanked 968 Times in 474 Posts
Alright, I have a joke a coworker told me a few months ago
(Some may find it offensive, but I'm in no way intending any racial discimination)

A teacher living in a rough neighborhood in New york is sick and tired of his job and his life. He thinks to himself "when I retire, I want to be left alone, I dont want any tv, telephone, just peace and quite."

So when he retires he moves up North to Canada, all alone in a Cabin with no tv, and no connection to the outside world. Years go by and he starts to realize that he misses interacting with people.

One day he hears a knock at the door, so he answers and looks up to see a huge native man.

The native man says "Hey, my name's Eenis, I live just over da hill over dere, I'm havin a bbq in a few days and was wonderin if you want to join us.."

So the man says, "Yeah sure thanks! that sounds great!
So Eenis turns slowly to walk back to his home but turns back suddenly and says

"Oh yeah, I tot I should tell ya, there's gonna be some light drinkin too.."

The man replies "Oh thats fine, I havent had a drink in a while it'll be nice to finally have some alcohol!"

So Eenis says "great, see ya den"
So he begins to turn back but suddenly stops and says "Oh yeah, since there's gonna be some drinkin there might be some fightin.."

The man looks at Eenis and says "oh thats fine, I lived in the bronx for 25 years, I think I can handle myself...thanks"

So Eenis begins walking back to his home and turns back one last time to the man and says "Oh just so ya know, after the fightin since theres gona be some drinkin, there might be some wild sex goin on too"

The man looks at Eenis surprised and says "oh thats great! I havent gotten laid in a long time! Thanks!"

So Eenis finally starts making his way back to his home but the man stops him and says
"WAIT! Eenis, what should I wear?"

Eenis replies, "Oh it doesnt matter whatcha wear, its just gonna be you and me..."
[19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
[19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
!Yaminashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 12:49 PM   #10
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 18,363
Thanked 7,959 Times in 3,122 Posts
kc1337. Boy, when you do things, you go big........
MG1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 01:34 PM   #11
Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: North Vancouver
Posts: 669
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Peugeot 106 - I have the most independent and exciting life, I'm also vain & live in a dream world.
Peugeot 205 - I hang on street corners at the weekends & keep a machete under my passenger seat.

ha i have owned both of these cars lol soo true, so true!
Adsdeman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 02:25 PM   #12
Rs has made me the woman i am today!
411ken's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,342
Thanked 484 Times in 257 Posts
Hahaha, I'm too lazy to read that long joke. Should make this a short joke thread.
411ken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 02:43 PM   #13
Banned (BBM)
you's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: van
Posts: 1,069
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
^^cant believe i read the entire thread

80% lol content nonetheless

best one for me is the op's post
you is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 04:21 PM   #14
I subscribe to the Revscene NWS thread(s)
ZhangFei's Avatar
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Middle Kingdom
Posts: 1,915
Thanked 137 Times in 63 Posts
Q: How do you make a woman feel protected?

A: Wear a condom
Originally Posted by boss_clad View Post
why you hating on the boss, anyways?
ZhangFei is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 04:51 PM   #15, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
shenmecar's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 8,854
Thanked 2,417 Times in 668 Posts
Toyota Supra - I can do no wrong.

im gonna get a supra now!
shenmecar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 05:06 PM   #16 has a homepage?!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,231
Thanked 28 Times in 12 Posts
**racist joke, don't read if you get offended easily**

What do you call a black hitchhiker?

//RacingSpirit>> is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 05:07 PM   #17
My homepage has been set to RS
JHuJHu's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 604
Posts: 2,298
Thanked 544 Times in 78 Posts
HAHAHA husband store

O o
/Ż/___________________________ _ __/
JHuJHu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 08:49 PM   #18
Douchebag Lover
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The Island.
Posts: 939
Thanked 66 Times in 19 Posts
A black guy and an hispanic guy are in a car. Who's driving?

The cops.
Dentz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 08:57 PM   #19
LoWeR-CaSe-VoWeLS's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Los \'angelis
Posts: 7,283
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre =/

Michael: I know a ton of 14 year old girls that could kick your ass.
Jim: you know a ton of 14 year old girls?
Dwight: What belt are they?
LoWeR-CaSe-VoWeLS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 10:08 PM   #20
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Poonpee's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: vancouver
Posts: 175
Thanked 8 Times in 2 Posts
nice nice keep them coming !!
Poonpee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 10:25 PM   #21
My AFC gave me an ABS CEL code of LOL while at WOT!
Fafine's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,203
Thanked 1,212 Times in 378 Posts
haha most of this I loled keep them coming
Fafine is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2009, 11:57 AM   #22
Salad makes me squirt ranch dressing. Only half of that is an analogy.
[jsx] sky's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 271
Thanked 86 Times in 26 Posts
How does Snoop Dogg wash his whites?

With Bli-atch
[jsx] sky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2009, 12:55 PM   #23
The RS Freebie guru
InvisibleSoul's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: East Vancouver
Posts: 22,029
Thanked 2,489 Times in 859 Posts
Originally Posted by kc1337 View Post
Why is interrogating a mexican like playing pool?
The harder you hit the more english you get
I LoL'ed.
InvisibleSoul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2009, 01:18 PM   #24
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 18,363
Thanked 7,959 Times in 3,122 Posts
40 years of marriage...

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said,
'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each
other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II
appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish
is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember
fairies are female.....

I found the joke a bit funny......... but the author of this joke is wrong. The fairy could be Richard Simmons.
MG1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2009, 01:55 PM   #25
Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: May 2008
Location: B.C.
Posts: 2,040
Thanked 101 Times in 57 Posts
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”
silk is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:47 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. cannot be held accountable for the actions of its members nor does the opinions of the members represent that of