[Confidential] Am I an asshole?

[penner2k]

Originally Posted by Gt-R R34

Again - did you even ask her, did she keep forgetting the birth control pill? 2 times @ 1% is like better then lottery?

I'd like to know this too.. I'd also like to know why the ppl that are calling this guy an asshole and saying he should die arent looking at this point.
Once.. sure it can happen. For it to happen a second time just seems really fishy.

Which is worse? Cheating and not getting caught..

or not taking birth control.. having a baby and now this guy either has to pay child support for the next 18 years or he has a child to take care of for the rest of his life?

Also he says the second time they were using multiple forms of birth control.
I'd say the chances of this child not even being his are pretty damn good. It wouldnt be the first time this happened. In fact I have heard its >25% of guys are paying child support for a child that isnt even theirs.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

This is my last reply after it hitting 100 post, I realized most of you are too caught up in your own ideal world of how things should be and will always find something to nitpick about so here it is, bash bitch complain at what is now a past event and can’t be changed.

I’m obviously speaking strictly from my POV, trying to express more of what goes through my mind but that came out as being cocky, ok. I tell her “TRY” because I don’t believe anyone should ever promise anyone else that they will never do something because nothing is certain or set in stone, I’m being honest and real to her. I’m not cheating anymore and am taking responsibility to my gf and child am I not? If I didn’t care or love, I could just kick her and the child both out of the house and throw them some money every month and not bother dealing with it – but most of you are too ignorant to even think about that.

My relationship isn’t an on and off one, it’s been 6.5 years of constantly being together no break ups. Anyone who’s been or is in a long-term relationship should understand that there are times where, no matter how much you love that person, you will experience moments when you can’t stand your SO. So yes I loved her through rough patches because I love the person she is inside. I never mentioned anything about loving her forever because I don’t know. And please read, I said I’m not ready for marriage, I can’t offer that deep commitment yet so I am not and is still waiting.

Imo, it is not justified to say that I don’t deserve a second chance at all, I’ve been good up until what I did and I am admitting that I made a mistake. It’s like saying everyone who’s currently dating someone who has ever cheated on their ex don’t deserve to be with anyone (from other forums, seems like either some of you were former cheaters or is with someone who was a cheater). Whatever happened to “the past is the past” – something I see as typical forum replies? I don’t feel as bad as I should maybe because when you hear about things and when you actually experience it, it’s a whole different story. I can bet many of you who’ve said what you’ve said will do hypocritical actions when it actually happens, please stop being naïve.

Also, my gf is awesome. She should dump my ass? No, we both believe a child needs both parents so instead of saying you are disappointed in her for her choice, why don’t you praise her for considering the child’s development? I was just peeking over at another thread and a certain someone was saying how the child should come first, and how parents should really consider staying together for the sake of the child. Try being less bitter and be more opened minded and be more happy that this didn’t end in disaster like some Jerry Springer shit. So that’s it. I will have a good life and future thank you.

PS: for those of you questioning about the pill, she freaks out every time she forgets the pill and we use other methods of birth control when it happens (following all the instrutions), so that 0.0001% still exist. Also I didn’t purposely do any DNA test or anything but the child is mines, 100% confirmed.

[HonestTea]

ROFL butter_sashimi's replies are pretty awesome

[The7even]

Originally Posted by NeTWorKz

ROFL butter_sashimi's replies are pretty awesome

Heres what I'm going to say on this matter.

You are immature. I know I could call you names but I won't. I don't think you're evil.. but please listen to me.. you are very immature and you should NOT be having sex.
Please stop. You cannot be a responsible father to this child because you can't even be a responsible boyfriend/husband.

Whoever you are, you need to know that EVERYONE has faced some hardship in their lives and the difference between a good person and a complete tool is whether that person is willing to make sacrifices and not only think about him self.
You've chosen your path and it is that of a tool.

Don't bother to reply with "You have to be in my shoes" because we're all in the same boat. We all have our battles to fight and you have proven to your self , worst of all, that you are irresponsible, a liar and a Man that has the mentality of a teenager who is doing grow up things and lives in a fantasy world where he doesn't have to own up to the consequences.

Today I am very grateful that I am not YOU. The worst thing here is that You will not be able to live with your self.. Your girlfriend, whom I pity, will eventually find out what you're doing to her and she will find better and that is guaranteed because she cannot get any lower than you.

[Trinity]

Originally Posted by Los Bastardo

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member
Blah blah blah.

Well sir, good luck to you.

[vmec]

Originally Posted by Los Bastardo

No, we both believe a child needs both parents so instead of saying you are disappointed in her for her choice, why don’t you praise her for considering the child’s development? I was just peeking over at another thread and a certain someone was saying how the child should come first, and how parents should really consider staying together for the sake of the child.

In bold: bullshit. Since when does not being together as a couple mean a child only has one parent?! The child only has one parent when the other leaves, leaves the life of the child completely. If that's not the case the child always has 2 parents... just not together.

I disagree strongly with any couple who thinks they are doing more good than harm by staying for the childs sake; if they are unhappy in their relationship. Did it ever occur to you that you can be a happier person and in turn a better parent if you are happy inside or outside your relationship?

And don't think your child won't grow up seeing a happy couple; no matter how hard you try to disguise it. The kid knows, knows more than you'll ever think. The kid knows when you're fighting, knows when you're not happy. You basically raise the kid showing him/ her an unhealthy/ poor perception of a fun loving relationship. Yeah, that's great parenting alright.

I come from a happily broken family and that was always better than the bitter "complete" family I had before.

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by The7even

Whoever you are, you need to know that EVERYONE has faced some hardship in their lives and the difference between a good person and a complete tool is whether that person is willing to make sacrifices and not only think about him self.
You've chosen your path and it is that of a tool.

Don't bother to reply with "You have to be in my shoes" because we're all in the same boat. We all have our battles to fight and you have proven to your self , worst of all, that you are irresponsible, a liar and a Man that has the mentality of a teenager who is doing grow up things and lives in a fantasy world where he doesn't have to own up to the consequences.

Sorry, but please tell me how he didnt own up to the consequences? He's already stated that they used multiple forms of birth control, not once did he state that he's running away from his family because he didnt want to have a child.

As much as I believe that cheating is wrong, in his case it happened. Like he stated already, he cant take it back.
However he did what was necessary afterwards, he manned up and confessed to it and was truthful to his gf. By confessing and apologizing for it, he is putting the fate of their relationship and child in her hands and she chose to stay and work things out with him.

You mention sacrifices and not being selfish, I hardly think he's the selfish one here (not saying that his gf is selfish either) but did you read the part where he helps out her family, pays most of the bills and part of her tuition?

You say he's immature and has the mentality of a teenager? Sounds like a pretty damn good provider to me, when was the last time you saw a teenager providing for 2 other human beings?

(And no, you cant use the fact that he HAD cheated ONCE to argue against the fact he's providing for his family)

I know all the females are going to jump down my throat now for having an opinion on the matter that is against what they believe

[vmec]

Originally Posted by Draft

(And no, you cant use the fact that he HAD cheated ONCE to argue against the fact he's providing for his family)

Correct me if I'm wrong he cheated multiple times. But has since stopped and will "try" to not do it again.

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by vmec

Correct me if I'm wrong he cheated multiple times. But has since stopped and will "try" to not do it again.

From what I read they have been in a relationship for 6 years and he only cheated
Recently when he wasn't getting any

[vmec]

he cheated multiples times... that doesn't mean he cheated once. once is one instance. you can call it one spree of multiple times... but once is once.

[HonestTea]

ROFL...why did The7even quote me when it was directed at the anonymous poster.. LOL =_=;;

[Noir]

Originally Posted by vmec

he cheated multiples times... that doesn't mean he cheated once. once is one instance. you can call it one spree of multiple times... but once is once.

He had an affair but its only with 1 girl. 1 affair = 1 incident. Unless we really want to be THAT picky and get THAT technical for the sake of.... I don't know, spite against the OP? But by that one loses one's objectivity.

[The7even]

Originally Posted by NeTWorKz

ROFL...why did The7even quote me when it was directed at the anonymous poster.. LOL =_=;;

I was going to agree with you but forgot to say anything and just went on and replied to the OP. Sorry about the confusion.

[vmec]

Originally Posted by Noir

He had an affair but its only with 1 girl. 1 affair = 1 incident. Unless we really want to be THAT picky and get THAT technical for the sake of.... I don't know, spite against the OP? But by that one loses one's objectivity.

Oh sorry, silly me... I was just being picky and technical and specifying it didn't happen ONCE.

But thank you so much for making it all so clear!

[butter_sashimi]

Originally Posted by NeTWorKz

ROFL butter_sashimi's replies are pretty awesome

Oh my~ *blush*

The OP's resolve over his entire fiasco is pretty solid now despite any criticism at the moment. Though, I still would like to know how great of a catch he is hmm.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by vmec

Oh sorry, silly me... I was just being picky and technical and specifying it didn't happen ONCE.

But thank you so much for making it all so clear!

Gee, it was just a difference in opinion.

Did I miss a memo that your opinions are absolute and beyond contention?

[vmec]

^ sorry I must have distributed the memo wrong! I apologize.

[Gt-R R34]

Originally Posted by Los Bastardo

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

PS: for those of you questioning about the pill, she freaks out every time she forgets the pill and we use other methods of birth control when it happens (following all the instrutions), so that 0.0001% still exist. Also I didn’t purposely do any DNA test or anything but the child is mines, 100% confirmed.

go buy a lottery ticket.

Again - well as long as he mans up now, all our discussion is moot. no matter how much we bash, what we say good or bad. In all scope of things. doesn't mean squat.

[The7even]

Originally Posted by Draft

From what I read they have been in a relationship for 6 years and he only cheated
Recently when he wasn't getting any

I know you're not suggesting that it's some how less evil because he wasn't getting any.

If you're that horny, watch porn.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by The7even

I know you're not suggesting that it's some how less evil because he wasn't getting any.

If you're that horny, watch porn.

It's not just about "not getting any." The pornography/masturbation/abstinence thing is only viable if it was only a limited period of time. This can occur for many reasons.

ie. either your gf/wife is
*having her period
*is away on vacation
*recent fight

However, when a relationship has evolved into a sexless one, you cannot ask a guy to abstain from sex COMPLETELY for life. Short of being a martyr, it's almost an impossible task and the girl/wife is putting her partner in a very difficult position should a compromising opportunity arises.

Since womens' need for sex isn't as dire as a man's need for it, a lot of them are under the misconception that when a relationship evolves to be sexless, it is not a significant problem at all.

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by The7even

I know you're not suggesting that it's some how less evil because he wasn't getting any.

If you're that horny, watch porn.

Yes thats true, I wasnt suggesting that its less evil just because he wasnt getting any. I've stated that cheating is wrong but up till now, he's done all he can.

Hes confessed, apologized, and she chose to stay. So I dont understand why you're still going on calling him immature and selfish

[mangopudding]

Originally Posted by Draft

Yes thats true, I wasnt suggesting that its less evil just because he wasnt getting any. I've stated that cheating is wrong but up till now, he's done all he can.

Hes confessed, apologized, and she chose to stay. So I dont understand why you're still going on calling him immature and selfish

he asked straight out what people thought of him and said he wouldn't take offense, but he did. everyone gave him their honest opinions like he asked for but then people were called out for it.

"I realized most of you are too caught up in your own ideal world of how things should be and will always find something to nitpick about so here it is"

and also, "I don't know why most (not ALL) women can never be satisfied and keep up the constant complaining and have such unrealistic views about how men should treat women."

to me, both a man and woman should treat each other with respect. there's nothing unrealistic about a woman wanting their man to be faithful (and vice versa). if he's gonna call out the ladies and say how we have unrealistic views on how a man should treat a woman, then he might as well call out himself too. i mean the only reason why he cheated was apparently because he wasn't getting any sex and his gf got fat-which thus turned him off. was he expecting his gf to stay the way she looked the first day he met her after she gave birth to a child + abortion beforehand? it sounds like he thinks that--now that is unrealistic.

what's going to happen when she has another child in the future?or when she starts getting old?

[happytoro]

Originally Posted by mangopudding

what's going to happen when she has another child in the future?or when she starts getting old?

I think he did reply saying he doesn't know what will happen in the future and will "try" to not let it happen again (no promises) but is currently taking responsibility and realize he made a bad move for cheating. Imo, by being able to man up, confess, and let the gf choose, he has reflected on his mistake and is willing to do what it takes to make up for it.

[vmec]

Originally Posted by Noir

Since womens' need for sex isn't as dire as a man's need for it, a lot of them are under the misconception that when a relationship evolves to be sexless, it is not a significant problem at all.

HAHAHA Bullshit. I just love your big, fat, untrue generalization. Here, I'll fix it for you...

Originally Posted by Noir

Since SOMEwomens' need for sex isn't as dire as SOME man's need for it, a lot of them are under the misconception that when a relationship evolves to be sexless, it is not a significant problem at all.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by vmec

HAHAHA Bullshit. I just love your big, fat, untrue generalization. Here, I'll fix it for you...

You do know what a generalization means right? and that statement is still very much true.

Pls. Women enjoy sex as a byproduct of love & romance. I did use the word "a lot" as the margin of women that that like fucking for the sake of needing a dick are a much smaller margin than their general counterparts. In fact, don't women have a certain derogatory label for these kind of women? So unless you're in complete denial, or just utterly naive, everybody granted with the slightest common sense knows the difference between a man and a woman's view to sex.

nice try trying to discredit me. but you fail. yet again.