Trouble with 5 year long relashionship

[BoostedBB6]

Originally Posted by RunningFree

Does she like reds or whites?

If she's not a heavy wine drinker, you could pick up a shiraz... generally a lighter red with a fairly fruity taste with a clean finish. If she's into whites, you could go with a gewürztraminer... a german table wine thats a little sweet with clean bright finish. You could also do an ice wine but I find them a little bit too sweet. Another idea is a rosé (pron. rosay)... a white wine thats sort of pinkish due to grape skin contact. A bit sweet, a bit tart.

Also you don't have to spend a fortune for a good wine. There are lots to choose from... grey monk makes a nice gewürztraminer.

Oh, and if you're planning to go white, get to the room early to put it on ice.

Good luck!

I will have to look into that.

At the hotel they have some room packages and there is one that you get wine and breakfast and a late check out and strawberries with chocolate. I may just grab that if things go well the we will probably stay there for the morning.
I txt'ed her the idea but haven't heard back yet from her. Shes probably partying it up with her family! Its her step mom and her mom's birthday today too so lots going on over there.

Was going to give her a call and wish her a happy new years tonight. Figured it is much better than txting it to her :P

[k2_alpha]

Originally Posted by FDTT

Ok I'm thinking the Pan Pacific Hotel would work for us as she is still close to wherever she needs to be and I can take the 4th off if need be.
Ideally I would like it to work out so we could spend the whole day together but I don't know how her work is scheduled for this coming week.

I was thinking I would get a nice room there so we could have the night to ourselves and really talk things out.

I'm hitting the mall tomorrow to pick up some new cloths as i don't want to show up in my usual duds.
Do you think a nice bottle of whine would be a good idea?
If it is my only issue is that I don't drink hardly at all so I wouldn't know what a nice bottle of wine even is :P.

How does that sound? We have the evening to ourselves with some wine and good conversation?

I just don't know when to run this whole idea by her to see if she is ok with that. I'm almost 100% sure she will be ok with it but I don't want to be bugging her.

If you are going to for a hotel, make sure you get one that has at least two COMFORTABLE chairs.
You do NOT want her sitting on a chair and you either on the ground or on the bed. It will only make the conversation more strained.
The "Pacific Harbour" will get you the most comfortable talking environment for the cheapest I think. There is a couch for her and a Lazy-Boy type for you.


Best of luck.

[BoostedBB6]

Ya I was thinking about that too.
I was planning on getting one of there suites rather than just a room.
Something with a separate bedroom and living area and stuff.

I want this to be a safe place for us to talk about whats going on and what is going to happen.
Hoping for the best. Its sucking right now tho :P

[Death2Theft]

F wine get champange plan for success/celebration.

[BoostedBB6]

Ya, if I hear back from her I will pick up some champagne as well .

[RunningFree]

Hey I was re-reading this ... but do you think that you may be hyping up her return a bit too much?

What I mean is that you don't know what her thoughts are at the moment... so getting a suite and prepping for a celebration may be a bit too much pressure for the discussion you need to have. You're going pretty far for this so it may make her pull back under the pressure and she may not be able to say what she wants. I mean, you also don't know the outcome of the discussion that she wants to have... she may feel trapped.

Personally, I'd probably opt for a nice quiet dinner... book a private room or something somewhere. That way you both have an out should things not go as planned.

[6793026]

I agree with RunningFree 100%, seriously, this is just a casual talk, why would you fooking need a hotel room. Screw the wine and stuff. I mean, a nice dinner chat and even with dessert and coffee after should be plenty, heck, if it works out, then great, you hug and kiss and you drive her home. If you can't even hold a decent converstaion with her over dinner to talk with her, the hotel will be a total bomb. What are you going to do when this turns sour? Beg her to go to the hotel "cause you thought you two could be more comfortable talking there" that's epic lame. What the heck will happen when she says she wants to leave and you have wine, condoms and champagne all ready... you're just going to sit there all alone.

I had to re-read your thread and this is a 5 yr relationship, what you typed a few post above just gave me an impression you got no game and you are just hyping this way way way too much.

Step back a little, treat this as a conversation as is. You're dealing with feelings here, it comes and goes, it's not a business signing deal where you have it down pat.

[BoostedBB6]

Well we talked and she said she would rather just come over to where I am and talk with me.
She will be eating with her mom so dinner is out and neither of us does the coffee thing.

So it looks like a night of talking and spending time together tomorrow nite. Hope it all goes well.
If not I guess she can grab most of her stuff as well because its all paced up in boxes already.

I will let you all know how it goes.

[Dinan3]

Good luck to you man. It doesn't sound like she wants to get back with you, I hope I'm wrong though.

[BoostedBB6]

Originally Posted by Dinan3

Good luck to you man. It doesn't sound like she wants to get back with you, I hope I'm wrong though.

Ya I don't know anymore.
She wont erase my pics from her FB account, she wont remove the relationship status, but I dont know man. I think I may have lost this one.

I sure as hell hope you are wrong but I guess we will all know tomorrow night or in the morning after.

[darkfroggy]

I think you are doing way too much and she's giving you the cold shoulder.

I have no doubt you genuinely care for her, but she hasn't shown the slightest interest in restarting the relationship.

After 5 years, there shouldn't be any excuse for the treatment she's giving you.

I would move on and find someone who genuinely wants to be with you.

"Working too much" is quite a lame excuse. The quality, not quantity, of the time you spend together is what's important. You seem extremely accomodating, while it seems she views you as an afterthought. Marriage is about sharing your problems and your experiences, not one person taking the burden.

Do tell us how it goes though.

[Drow]

fuck dude, 5 years down the drain is a lot to stomach. expect the least, prepare for the worst, and keep on treading when life takes a crap on you.

[BoostedBB6]

It is a lot to stomach. I'm still hoping for the best but I'm prepared for the worst.
Today will definitely be a life changing day!

[fallen88]

Ive been in your situation. Im still going thru the pains of the loss. Almost the same time frame as you as well (5 years). We tried to make it work the last year... one day we just stopped calling each other. Everything still reminds me of her. But you just live a day at a time and hope the next day gets a bit better.

I hope you salvage what you can and do whatever you can to make it work. In the end only you two can figure that out. We both did what we could but it didnt work out for us unforunately... I hope you have the opposite outcome.

[RunningFree]

Out of respect, she's not changing her fb status or taking the pics down. She has the class to do that after your conversation, if it goes the way the above posts seem to be indicating.

But hey, hope for the best and deal with the outcome either way.

[dhari]

good luck man! hope everything goes well this evening.

ps.always look out for number 1(you)

[BoostedBB6]

Well I hate to be posting her so soon but I'm sure you all know what that means.
It looks like I am officially single.

We talked for a bit and she said that she cant give me a chance to make things right because she no longer feels love for me. She loves me as a friend and cares for me but she does not want to be in a relationship with me.

I have to say this is the worst pain I have gone through in my life. I'm completely devastated by this and don't know what to do anymore.
A million thoughts are racing through my head right now. I just lost the most important person to me in the world. Now I am completely alone and have no one to even talk to about everything.
Life really doesn't seem worth living anymore.

[BorLorBao]

Sorry to hear man. It will be difficult to get over but hang in there. Dont let yourself fall apart too much, you will need to pick yourself back up.

[Drow]

Originally Posted by FDTT

Well I hate to be posting her so soon but I'm sure you all know what that means.
It looks like I am officially single.

We talked for a bit and she said that she cant give me a chance to make things right because she no longer feels love for me. She loves me as a friend and cares for me but she does not want to be in a relationship with me.

I have to say this is the worst pain I have gone through in my life. I'm completely devastated by this and don't know what to do anymore.
A million thoughts are racing through my head right now. I just lost the most important person to me in the world. Now I am completely alone and have no one to even talk to about everything.
Life really doesn't seem worth living anymore.

im very sorry to hear that. know that you are not the only one out there going through these types of shit. my philosphy is that life is sorta like a roller coaster. when you're at the very bottom, you're bound to bounce back up, but when you're at the top... always be prepared to come down. the weather is never sunny everyday. after she has made that final decision, just drop it and don't pursue it any further. there really is nothing you can do at this point. she probably made this decision awhile ago, without your knowing, and probably has created enough reasons to convince herself that she made the right decision. the only thing you CAN do right now, is have a positive outlook on life. whether or not she'll come back in the future - no one knows except her. think of it this way... there are only two outcomes for you in the future. you either get back with her, or you end up with someone even better. i've been in your shoes before... it didn't last 5 years, but it lasted long enough for it to hurt like a bitch.

stay strong, this feeling won't last forever. these experiences will help you grow. in due time, you will be with another girl you're madly in love with and when you look back.....

you'll probably go

[!Yaminashi]

I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to you man..I truly feel bad for you seeing as how this woman was about to become your life partner.

I highly doubt many of us here have gone through something equally as heartbreaking but I'm sure almost all of us have been hurt at some point and have needed someone to listen/rant to.

I noticed earlier in the thread you said that you live in poco? I live in poco as well..

If you really need to just talk about it shoot me a pm
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[BoostedBB6]

Thanks for the offers guys. Its good to see that in this big world there are still people who care about one another even if they don't know each other.

It seems I have been running everyones ears off with my problems over this. Even random strangers get to hear my problems. It suck having no one close to talk to about things like this in life.

Yaminashi, I may take you up on that offer.

Shes coming over tomorrow night so we can sort through stuff thats packed up. She truly seems sorry for what she is putting me through but just cant be with me. Its fucking gut wrenching right now. Knowing the person you trusted with your life and everything else no longer cares about you like you do has to be the worst feeling in the world.

[k3lv]

"When a door closes another opens". Make the most out of your new life, easier said than done. I was In a similar situation last year and as hard as it was I just pushed through it all. Best of luck, there will be someone else who will appreciate the quality and care of a person like yourself
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[BoostedBB6]

Originally Posted by k3lv

"When a door closes another opens". Make the most out of your new life, easier said than done. I was In a similar situation last year and as hard as it was I just pushed through it all. Best of luck, there will be someone else who will appreciate the quality and care of a person like yourself
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It's amazing how supportive people are and the ideas they have seem so very simple to do.
I want to just stop feeling for her. I want to be able to move on. I want to find happiness. But I feel like that is something so far away.
I need to find something out there that makes me happy again because I don't think I can deal with things like I am now.
Wish it was decent weather to ride. I would take off for a long ride.

[k3lv]

I'd be down for a group ride lol. But one thing forgot to say is that most importantly be with your family and friends. It's going to take time and mental toughness to stick it out bud. Feel free to pm me if you want, just like yaminashi offered.
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[acyx]

thanks for posting on here FDTT
i've also recently gone thru a break up and its been a rough couple of months for me.. we were not together nearly as long as you but yes, it still hurts
the thread has been so helpful and everyone is so supportive thanks
life goes on..
“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”

anyway i just wanted to say that you sound like a very great guy and im sure happiness is in the near future.. my best wishes.. +oil :P