When shit goes down, people do crazy ish... become unpredictable... if one person has significantly more assets than the other does it's pretty stupid not to protect what's yours.

i didn't, but i would recommend my kids do. i don't know how my spouse would feel, we're similar education/salary etc. like i said in a previous thread, we had similar skin in the game. she probably would have felt offended thinking we "wouldn't make it". but i think of it like estate planning or having a will. i think most couples will say we take what we put in, though if things get nasty, may not go that way.

sometimes you both can come in poor and 1 person has potential and makes it. damn, did i just explain kanye's gold digger song? :lol

I was just going to say that sometimes, in a 2nd (or 3rd) marriage, one partner can bring a really lopsided amount of equity/wealth/asset into the relationship so if you want some protection in case marriage will dissolve in 5 yrs or something (again), then what you bring into the marriage before should be or can be protected and can be stated in a pre-nup? I dunno.

Shit is getting so complicated nowadays. Blended marriage, blended kids, your paycheck being deducted for support, and how do you even do inheritance in that situation.

When I was young and naive, I used to think prenup is an indication of an inherent lack of trust in your partner and in love. So I was fairly disgusted with the concept of people signing prenups before getting married.

As I grew older, I am seeing the more ugly and complicated sides of human nature, and I agree with the inherent fairness that a good prenub should guarantee. Still, I believe in marriages, and I believe that assets gained during the marriage should be split between the couple even if it was mostly earned through one side of the marriage.

Of course there are a lot of tricky nuances in terms of how "fairness" is defined. If it is family money that has been inherited during the marriage, should that really be split between the divorcees? (I personally don't think so.) If it is income that only one of the spouse has earned, then probably a share of it would need to be shared with the other spouse.

At the end of the day, I'm a brokie, and le wifey is no better. I feel like proportionately, I've brought a lot more money going into the marriage, and continues to shoulder the bulk of the home expenses. I am obviously not happy about that situation, but that's how it is for us financially, and that's how things are. A divorce would be an absolute financial disaster, so it'd make no sense to go down that road.

Where is PeanutButter

It was established in another thread that PeanutButter = Badhobz

So I've been working on getting our wills done (fucking finally - my wife has dragged her feet for years on this) and one of the asks my wife had was whether we could put a clause in our will where our daughter would need a pre-nup in order to inherit our money (if she's married at the time she inherits the money). The lawyers said this was basically impractical though possible but a couple related points to this discussion:

1. Assets and money you bring into the marriage belong to you.
2. Inheritances are protected assets in a marriage. They're yours unless you explicitly choose to share it (eg. put it into a joint chequing account or give it to your spouse).

The complexity in both though is what you do with those assets after you get married - eg. you take the $100k you inherited and contribute it to a downpayment for a house. I'm not sure how a pre-nup handles that kind of stuff (I don't believe it does), I think that's a different set of rules.

Yah, so suppose you have a son.

Son gets married, has 2 kids. Divorces. He remarries and has 2 more kids with 2nd wife. This 2nd wife also has 2 kids from previous marriage that she brought into the marriage. How many grandchildren do you have? 4 or 6?

...this sounds like you have direct lived experience :suspicious:

Who you callin a grandfather WutFace

Can gramps ride a $30K Pinarello?

All this talk about finances and prenups just underscores the point that the decision to marry someone should not be taken lightly.

Of course it shouldn't.

So I've been with my wife for 24 years, married for 16. We've basically spent our entire adult lives together, and built everything we have today, from effectively nothing, all together. When you have nothing at the start, a prenup is obviously not a thing.


If something were to ever happen to me, I would want my wife to be happy and remarry if she should so choose. But this is where I want her to get a prenup, because I want my son to eventually get everything I've worked for, not some other dude.

I don't think the step kids from the 2nd wife are not officially children, so they don't count when it comes to inheriting your assets as it goes through your estate.

Even just living together as common law will put you into a marriage like relationship doesn't it? Or is that only for tax purposes and not so much estate planning.

I thought prenups dont do much in BC, and also your pension can be taken lmao.

I have seen so many people in blended families get absolutely fucked when someone dies. It’s disgusting that people sell out their own children, and just as disgusting that the step parent or new partner or whatever lets it happen as well. Some people’s greed knows no bounds.

Bingo. When money is involved, people will often show you a very different face than the one you thought you knew. Which is why I brought up the discussion.

I'm reading all the responses and hoping to see more. It's a complex discussion for sure and it very much seems to be underscored by how the world was when each of you got married. I ain't yet in that boat so my thoughts on the topic are for sure different than those of you who were married ages ago.

Depends on you and the girl. Only you would know in your heart of hearts whether or not this person is genuine. If you even have a tiny hesitation that she might be a gold digger then yes, bring up prenup.

Some girls have all the telltale signs. Does a lot of makeup ? Care about what kinda car she drives ? Superficial ? Spends shit on luxury items outside her income bracket ?

Jealous ? Easy to anger ? Enjoys anal ? Then make her sign a prenup !!!

prenup!!!
ive always put it out there "sweetie, what mine is yours... BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY ITS STILL MINE."

I think with people getting married much later these days it makes a bigger difference. People have their lives already built then they get married, as opposed to building that life together. My opinions on it when I was younger were much like Traum said. If you think you need one you shouldn’t be getting married, but I don’t feel that way anymore in certain instances for sure. I’m glad it’s not something I’ll have to think about in the sense I feel like our marriage is as stable as one can get, but I wish I had to think about it in the sense I had any amount of money worth taking lol.

Right now, starry eyed, mid 20's don't bring any wealth or equity into the marriage, they bring debt !!! How about 'what is your debt is yours?' in your prenup.

Cross reference thread about mid 20's carrying > $20K consumer debt.

We didn't get a prenup and I still think we made the right decision, but I can see why people would. It's easy to say "if you think you need a prenup you shouldn't marry them" but the fact is people change over time. The dude or chick you married in your 20s isn't necessarily the same person in their 40's. Put kids in the mix and the stress that comes with it and suddenly the resentment kicks in, or someone has an affair and you go into 'bleed them dry' mode.

You can never assume both parties will stay happy forever.

Did you take a page from BIC_BAWS' book of date questions? :troll:

and in BC living together common law. what was it again? after 24 months it's like a common law marriage?

i'm no lawyer but i think there are ways to do it. b/c i assume 1st thing in contesting is saying it was agreed under duress. i imagine if you get the other party to take 1st crack at a proposed pre-nup and you review, then it came from them and can't pretend to be blind sided or tricked.

with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, i feel like this is just estate planning

A friend of mine married a girl from the US that had $200k USD debt from university, and a degree that wasn't worth anything.

That would kill it for me, but it didn't for him. They had two kids... and 10 years later they are now divorced. I haven't asked if he got to keep half of that debt. :pokerface:

At least he got US citizenship from it lmao