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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-30-2011, 12:00 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Gridlock View Post
And you are done.

As soon as you need to worry about her copying the key, you are toast.

And you know it. Temper tantrums are not allowed from girlfriends anymore than they are from 5 year olds.
First thing that went through my mind, "will I be able to sleep tonight?"

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Old 12-30-2011, 12:04 PM   #27
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Props to you for handling it the way you did. Like everyone else said, you should seriously consider dumping her. She sounds like a nutcase and a half.

You're not a dog on a leash, you're a human being with a brain of your own and know the difference between right and wrong. I can tell you the way she's acting is WRONG
Thanks bro, I figured if we both acted like immature teenagers, the damage would of been deeper.

I just wanted more perspective on the situation as to how it was handled.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:10 PM   #28
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Well... look at it from your gf's point of view for a minute.

You lied to her about not having another key, and she catches another woman that has the nonexistent key to your apartment. I'd be a lot choked. Thats the only part I'd sympathize with her. Everything else like accusing you of cheating with sluts, going through your phone etc etc... big nono.

As for you, here you are changing locks, closing the door on her, turning off your phone.. maybe its time to break it off, especially since changing locks speaks loudly about the level of trust you have in her.
The trust deteriorated over time because of her actions. (checking my phone, accusations) but were things I could deal with because I felt safe in my apartment.

I do understand her logic about the other set of keys, but it is my place and I didn't want to compromise my security for her "just to have my key."
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:14 PM   #29
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get one of these and keep the master key for yourself?

Schlage | Keypad Lock, Camelot/Accent Lever, Antique Brass | Home Depot Canada

all you need is the code which can be changed if necessary. saves the hassle of changing locks. and you can tell future gf's no one else has the key (but not necessarily the code)

Wow never knew those existed thanks bro.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:15 PM   #30
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I can see why she would be pissed that some girl she doesn't know has a key to your place. I can put myself in those shoes and I would be put out too.

That said she's behaving like a child and her behavior up to that point is totally unexcusable. Hell even her reaction to that is. Date someone with conflict resolution skills next time.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:20 PM   #31
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Depends on how you feel. Ask her Why she doesnt trust you and that it is frustrating you. Also apologize for lying to her about your long time friend having a key and for having girls over without her knowing (Easy to be suspicious on that one). She is just being a Drama queen, as most girls would be after those lies. She has done some dumb shit but you are not in the clear either dude. You guys just need to talk it out, as for taking your keys..... i woulda flipped shit
Yeah the keys situation really pissed me off, I knew if I lost control at that time, I would if never got them back.

I'm just angry as to how she's dealing with the problems. Instead of acting like an adult, she chooses to let her immature colors shine. I know I'm not exactly right but she's already making assumptions before I can explain.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:23 PM   #32
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I can see why she would be pissed that some girl she doesn't know has a key to your place. I can put myself in those shoes and I would be put out too.

That said she's behaving like a child and her behavior up to that point is totally unexcusable. Hell even her reaction to that is. Date someone with conflict resolution skills next time.
She knows my friend but doesn't like any of my girl friends. They've hung out before so she's aware of our relationship.

It's only been lately she's acting out of character.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:29 PM   #33
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her fault, is her immaturity, and of course insecurity (semi legitimate insecurity).

your fault, is believing anyone would think a member of the opposite sex is just a long time friend, regardless of what the real situation is.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:34 PM   #34
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She knows my friend but doesn't like any of my girl friends. They've hung out before so she's aware of our relationship.

It's only been lately she's acting out of character.

May I ask how old she is? I'm assuming right now that you're between 28-33ish since you seem quite established with your own apartment and everything. If she's around your age give or take one, two or three years, she might be getting impatient (if you two have been dating for 2+ years).

I'm not quite there yet, but I've heard from many of my older girlfriends that are 25+ that they've hit this stage where they feel impatient and want to gravitate towards marriage, with moving in together, getting a key and what not, as a sign of "yeah, we're serious and we're going to get married in the near future" None of my friends have acted like your gf did, but maybe thats why she's been overly psycho? She's not getting any younger after all :P
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:36 PM   #35
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her fault, is her immaturity, and of course insecurity (semi legitimate insecurity).

your fault, is believing anyone would think a member of the opposite sex is just a long time friend, regardless of what the real situation is.
The first part I can agree.

The second part I think is a grey area.

Which girl would want to date a guy with no female friends?
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:37 PM   #36
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your fault, is believing anyone would think a member of the opposite sex is just a long time friend, regardless of what the real situation is.
I've never had an issue in any of my relationships with my partner believing a member of the opposite is just a friend.

It's a simple matter of maturity and trust, setting aside jealousy and childish assumptions shouldn't be a challenge for an intelligent person.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:47 PM   #37
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May I ask how old she is? I'm assuming right now that you're between 28-33ish since you seem quite established with your own apartment and everything. If she's around your age give or take one, two or three years, she might be getting impatient (if you two have been dating for 2+ years).

I'm not quite there yet, but I've heard from many of my older girlfriends that are 25+ that they've hit this stage where they feel impatient and want to gravitate towards marriage, with moving in together, getting a key and what not, as a sign of "yeah, we're serious and we're going to get married in the near future" None of my friends have acted like your gf did, but maybe thats why she's been overly psycho? She's not getting any younger after all :P
She is 25 and I'm actually 24.

I can see what you mean but I have no potential plans of tying the knot. I try to avoid talking about the future because it's unpredictable and full of empty promises. The key does symbolize a stronger commitment but I believe we're growing at different paces.

How would you deal with your girlfriend (if you were a male) pursuing a deeper commitment and you weren't ready? (besides just telling her)
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:49 PM   #38
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Yeah the keys situation really pissed me off, I knew if I lost control at that time, I would if never got them back.

I'm just angry as to how she's dealing with the problems. Instead of acting like an adult, she chooses to let her immature colors shine. I know I'm not exactly right but she's already making assumptions before I can explain.
Tell her that the whole stealing your keys thing is Proving as to why you are unsure of giving up your secure space to her. A relationship wont last without personal space and i think she needs to understand this
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:13 PM   #39
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She doesn't trust you.
No trust, no relationship.

Phone grabbing, key stealing, anger, yelling etc is abusive. She needs professional help.

Girlfriends are like the city bus, there will always be another one along in a while.

Change the locks then dump her.

Good luck.
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:43 PM   #40
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Tell her that the whole stealing your keys thing is Proving as to why you are unsure of giving up your secure space to her. A relationship wont last without personal space and i think she needs to understand this
That is part of the reason and also because I don't believe she is entitled to a set of keys. My apartment is somewhere I want to be comfortable and I don't want that to change.

I believe one of the reasons she is acting out is her friends influencing her. My girlfriend tells me her friend's boyfriends give them keys to their places, let them use their cars whenever they want and even knows their debit codes. I told that's irrelevant what they do because I am not them. I will manage my personal belongings the way I want.
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:48 PM   #41
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She doesn't trust you.
No trust, no relationship.

Phone grabbing, key stealing, anger, yelling etc is abusive. She needs professional help.

Girlfriends are like the city bus, there will always be another one along in a while.

Change the locks then dump her.

Good luck.
But if the next one is going to be the same I would rather pass. At least for a while because it seems like I'm dealing with unnecessary stress. One of my previous ex would harass me at work calling constantly and we had to take the legal route. It was a terrible experience.
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:49 PM   #42
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That is part of the reason and also because I don't believe she is entitled to a set of keys. My apartment is somewhere I want to be comfortable and I don't want that to change.
No one is "entitled" to your keys ever any how. You're not obligated to give them to your partner until you're ready and if they can't deal with that they should screw off.
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:50 PM   #43
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I've never had an issue in any of my relationships with my partner believing a member of the opposite is just a friend.

It's a simple matter of maturity and trust, setting aside jealousy and childish assumptions shouldn't be a challenge for an intelligent person.
Also we can all be grown up about it. Just because there may be an attraction doesn't mean you'll pounce at opportunity.
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:50 PM   #44
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I believe one of the reasons she is acting out is her friends influencing her. My girlfriend tells me her friend's boyfriends give them keys to their places, let them use their cars whenever they want and even knows their debit codes. I told that's irrelevant what they do because I am not them. I will manage my personal belongings the way I want.
Do they think they are married all ready??

No Girlfriend of mine has gotten my bank info or my car fuck that shit, If i trust her after a long time then maybe my car but not my bank info
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:52 PM   #45
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No one is "entitled" to your keys ever any how. You're not obligated to give them to your partner until you're ready and if they can't deal with that they should screw off.
Very true. Unless they paid for the space, they have no say. She just basing my actions to her other friends boyfriends and "what she thinks is right."
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:59 PM   #46
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Do they think they are married all ready??

No Girlfriend of mine has gotten my bank info or my car fuck that shit, If i trust her after a long time then maybe my car but not my bank info
They probably do even though they may have gone out less than our relationship. I think some guys are just like that and the P is their krytonite. Anything their girlfriends want they get as long as she's returning the favor. Sex is a powerful tool and some girls know how to use it.

I don't often let my girlfriend use my car because I know her driving style and it would just lead to problems. Not really in the mood to deal with her damaging my car and hurting someone else. My parents are the only ones with my banking information because well, there my parents. I find it totally unorthodox for my girlfriend to know my banking information. It's not like I don't spend money on her, she gets her share of gifts. Her argument is "she just wants to know."
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Old 12-30-2011, 02:05 PM   #47
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^ agreed. i haven't had any one say they just wanted to know how deep my pockets are :S thats just odd to me
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Old 12-30-2011, 02:19 PM   #48
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What would u do if
1. Bunch of guys crash at your gf's place WITH Her CLOTHES!!!
2. A random guy you never heard/meet/seen have keys to your gf apartment. But she said she only have 1 key.
3. When a guy calls my gf , she try to hdie it by not talking to him when I am around.

Now how would you feel/act? To be honest I think you are at fault on this as well.
1. You should ever let any girls into your aparment drunk and change into your clothes. At least call your gf to let her know this and why you are doing this before hand. Is call respect.
2. Should never lie to your gf in the first place. Just let her know the keys you give it to a very close friend for safe keeping.
3. No.3 would never happen if you don't do No1 and No2.
So don't try to brush it off like it is all her fault. You could have easily prevented this from happening. Beside what's the big deal giving your gf keys to your apartment. Sure she might leave a few things here and there, but she still does it now anyways (don't tell me your gf doens't her slipperys, clothes, teddies....... in your aparement). Just let her know if she wants to come over she is welcoem but she needs to give you a call first. i am sure she will respect.
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Old 12-30-2011, 02:25 PM   #49
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very immature plus a stage 5 clinger status. she probably had previous experience of an ex cheating on her.
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Old 12-30-2011, 02:34 PM   #50
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What would u do if
1. Bunch of guys crash at your gf's place WITH Her CLOTHES!!!
2. A random guy you never heard/meet/seen have keys to your gf apartment. But she said she only have 1 key.
3. When a guy calls my gf , she try to hdie it by not talking to him when I am around.

Now how would you feel/act? To be honest I think you are at fault on this as well.
1. You should ever let any girls into your aparment drunk and change into your clothes. At least call your gf to let her know this and why you are doing this before hand. Is call respect.
2. Should never lie to your gf in the first place. Just let her know the keys you give it to a very close friend for safe keeping.
3. No.3 would never happen if you don't do No1 and No2.
So don't try to brush it off like it is all her fault. You could have easily prevented this from happening. Beside what's the big deal giving your gf keys to your apartment. Sure she might leave a few things here and there, but she still does it now anyways (don't tell me your gf doens't her slipperys, clothes, teddies....... in your aparement). Just let her know if she wants to come over she is welcoem but she needs to give you a call first. i am sure she will respect.
Thanks for the very valid points.

That was the kind of perspective I was missing.

She does leave some of her things around like you mentioned and she does usually call when she's coming over.

hmm
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