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[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

I want to thank you guys for all the advice and words of wisdom.

Honestly, I don't even know what I want at the moment so I don't want to rekindle any lost feelings if I am not fully committed in the relationship. I'm sure at one point during the duration of the relationship we were in the same loop, but I think my career and other factors got in the way and I myself lost my way.

If I could turn back time, I would of called her to tell her people were crashing at the apartment, I would tell her I gave a key to a close-friend and I would of treated her with more respect. Sucks that's not possible so I got to face the consequences of my actions and learn from my mishaps.

Thanks R.S. once again for the advice.

I do agree that you should've come clean about giving your close friend a key. It would've saved you alot of problems, and coming clean shows you really have nothing to hide. As for letting her know that you were letting friends crash there, if you were intoxicated it might've just slipped your mind.

I dont think you lost your way, from the way you speak of your relationship, it just seems like the two of you are heading down different paths.

You said shes at the point where she wants to spend every second with you, whereas you'd rather go grab some drinks with buddies etc.

This isnt necessarily you losing your way, I personally think it has alot to do with her. You said she'd rather decline to hang with your friends, and then complain about it later on. Maybe this is something you guys should talk about. She cant expect you to drop everything you want to do just because she wants this and that. She's staying at your place RENT FREE but doesnt let you do what you want, something doesnt seem right.

Seriously sit her down and tell her all of this. If she'll never be down with you having a life outside of your relationship, things will go downhill FAST

[dinosaur]

hind-sight is always 20/20.

good luck dude

[NLY]

Originally Posted by !Yaminashi

I do agree that you should've come clean about giving your close friend a key. It would've saved you alot of problems, and coming clean shows you really have nothing to hide. As for letting her know that you were letting friends crash there, if you were intoxicated it might've just slipped your mind.

I dont think you lost your way, from the way you speak of your relationship, it just seems like the two of you are heading down different paths.

You said shes at the point where she wants to spend every second with you, whereas you'd rather go grab some drinks with buddies etc.

This isnt necessarily you losing your way, I personally think it has alot to do with her. You said she'd rather decline to hang with your friends, and then complain about it later on. Maybe this is something you guys should talk about. She cant expect you to drop everything you want to do just because she wants this and that. She's staying at your place RENT FREE but doesnt let you do what you want, something doesnt seem right.

Seriously sit her down and tell her all of this. If she'll never be down with you having a life outside of your relationship, things will go downhill FAST

Thanks Yaminashi

It wasn't just the key complication that bothered me. She would check my phone when someone would call or go through my messages. I think I must of done something to trigger her intuition. I think you hit the nail on us going two different paths. It seems like the more she pulls me towards her, the more the relationship is pushing away. I've made the mistake in the past to invest all my time with the girlfriend, hanging out 24/7 and ditching friends in the process. It was a terrible experience but it just increased the chances of getting tired of each other's company. I believe you can only spend so much time together because it becomes overkill and repulsive. I'm not afraid to make a commitment, but not at this stage.

Besides the hanging out complaints, she always telling me I work too much (like honestly?) and that we don't spend enough time together. I always tell her if she joins with my friends then all the problems would be solved.

She's been calling me to have dinner and I'm been reluctant to address inviting my close friend as well to clear the air. It's New Year's Eve today, looks like I'm going to pop open some nice wine and enjoy some me time. (Recorded Iron Chef on PVR! )

[NLY]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

hind-sight is always 20/20.

good luck dude

merci beaucoup !

[k2_alpha]

After reading most of your comments, I think the bigger picture is if you are still willing to put effort in the relationship. No matter how crazy your SO acts, your responses to her actions show disinterest.

It appears to me that she is trying to get a reaction out of you. She is doing it the wrong way, but Im guessing she is trying to see if you care enough about her to react. The yelling down the hallway the first day and the whole throwing boiling food are prime examples.

Yes, she over reacted and you just woke up after a night of drinking during the first scenario. But in most cases, if a SO accuses the partner of cheating, the alleged person generally desperately and continuously pleads otherwise; not go back to sleep.

Before the E-thugs come in and say that pleading is a beta move, let me just say, if you care enough about a person, you will do what ever it takes.


You stated she wants to spend a lot of time with you earlier. It could be due to the fact that she is clingy, but it seems like you just want some alone time. Have you ever told her this? Does she know you just want to relax ALONE once in awhile? As with all relationship, communication is key.

You are complaining that she is unjustly comparing you to her ex bf's but are you not doing the same? You won't give her a key cause you had bad experiences with your ex's. It is impossible not to compare. It is just human nature. In fact your whole situation is based on your comparisons of her to your ex's.

I agree with others in saying you need to end the relationship, but not for the same reasons. Others are saying she is crazy (which I agree) but my reasoning is that you just dont care anymore.

Edit**
Damn it you posted as I was writing my response.
After reading your response, it CLEARLY shows you don't care anymore. All you really have to do is text her that you have something you need to work out. Ignoring her and the situation is not going to be good for the relationship.

Best of luck

[Mananetwork]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

That is part of the reason and also because I don't believe she is entitled to a set of keys. My apartment is somewhere I want to be comfortable and I don't want that to change.

I believe one of the reasons she is acting out is her friends influencing her. My girlfriend tells me her friend's boyfriends give them keys to their places, let them use their cars whenever they want and even knows their debit codes. I told that's irrelevant what they do because I am not them. I will manage my personal belongings the way I want.

I was just talking about this with a friend. Hate how some girls look at other friends and compare how her bf did this, got her that, made this for her, celebrating those stupid monthiversaries. Only elementary school kids act like that! ** BUT mom, my friends got all Iphone, I want you to buy me one too!

Hate that mentality!

[NLY]

Originally Posted by k2_alpha

After reading most of your comments, I think the bigger picture is if you are still willing to put effort in the relationship. No matter how crazy your SO acts, your responses to her actions show disinterest.

It appears to me that she is trying to get a reaction out of you. She is doing it the wrong way, but Im guessing she is trying to see if you care enough about her to react. The yelling down the hallway the first day and the whole throwing boiling food are prime examples.

Yes, she over reacted and you just woke up after a night of drinking during the first scenario. But in most cases, if a SO accuses the partner of cheating, the alleged person generally desperately and continuously pleads otherwise; not go back to sleep.

Before the E-thugs come in and say that pleading is a beta move, let me just say, if you care enough about a person, you will do what ever it takes.


You stated she wants to spend a lot of time with you earlier. It could be due to the fact that she is clingy, but it seems like you just want some alone time. Have you ever told her this? Does she know you just want to relax ALONE once in awhile? As with all relationship, communication is key.

You are complaining that she is unjustly comparing you to her ex bf's but are you not doing the same? You won't give her a key cause you had bad experiences with your ex's. It is impossible not to compare. It is just human nature. In fact your whole situation is based on your comparisons of her to your ex's.

I agree with others in saying you need to end the relationship, but not for the same reasons. Others are saying she is crazy (which I agree) but my reasoning is that you just dont care anymore.

Edit**
Damn it you posted as I was writing my response.
After reading your response, it CLEARLY shows you don't care anymore. All you really have to do is text her that you have something you need to work out. Ignoring her and the situation is not going to be good for the relationship.

Best of luck

Thanks for the insight k2,

I think I just need a smack to the head. I understand I may come off as selfish for not wanting to compromise and a huge asshole for lying to my girlfriend. I never understood the term beta as well.

Im not one to make excuses but inspecting the current problems through her eyes, it really shows that I'm causing the issues. One problem with me is I don't like to talk share feelings with my girlfriend because it just makes her worry. I would rather deal with it myself for with friends because I think it avoids confrontation. Another reason is my friends are usually on my side so they just boost my own self esteem. I am in no way immature and reliant on others, relationships have never been my strongest area so I tend to make mistakes.

I know ignoring her messages is only a temporary solution but I don't feel ready to address the issues yet.

[NLY]

Originally Posted by Mananetwork

I was just talking about this with a friend. Hate how some girls look at other friends and compare how her bf did this, got her that, made this for her, celebrating those stupid monthiversaries. Only elementary school kids act like that! ** BUT mom, my friends got all Iphone, I want you to buy me one too!

Hate that mentality!

It seems like a competition as to who scored the biggest jackass

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by Mananetwork

I was just talking about this with a friend. Hate how some girls look at other friends and compare how her bf did this, got her that, made this for her, celebrating those stupid monthiversaries. Only elementary school kids act like that! ** BUT mom, my friends got all Iphone, I want you to buy me one too!

Hate that mentality!

Yep! I hate this too, but some guys are guilty of also doing the same
"My gf does this and that for me"

[wuuhoo]

I have read all the post in this thread, and I can tell you k2_alpha hit it straight on.

Its not because your GF is crazy, but because you just dont care no more.

Just wondering since it wasn't mention in your post (perhaps I misread) but does your gf usually contact you after each fight/argument?

If the answer is mainly yes. And judging by your response from the thread, you really dont care about this relationship.

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

I know ignoring her messages is only a temporary solution but I don't feel ready to address the issues yet.

Reading your post reminds me of myself :P And this one thing you want to solve right away and not ignore it.

You are digging yourself a hole if you do.

[ecchiecchi]

Originally Posted by 6793026

we are on page 3 now so you should realize she is really immature and she did blow up a few times. You on the other hand has been a big asshole for not telling her the truth and handling it like a man.

if your friend that was a girl has the keys, tell ur gf so there is nothing to hide. and if your gf tells you why you won't give her a key, TELL ur GF straight up i am NOT comfortable giving my KEYS to ANYONE. not even my mom and dad. This is the END OF THE ISSUE. if i want to give you one, you will get one. i do not want you to ask for it, end of story.

please be a man and set her straight. As for you, i don't care how close of a friend you are with the girl, but you owe it to your gf to sit everyone down for drinks and just chill thefuck out. why? cause if your gf gave her keys to her grade 1 best friend in the same exact same situation, BAM, you have full right to blowup on heralso.

set her straight, ugotta smarten up on what needs to be disclosed and learn from this relationship.

Lol- you make it sound so easy. No matter how transparent you are with women, some still use the stuff you reveal as ammo for fights. It's never as simple as what you say it is.

[NLY]

Originally Posted by wuuhoo

I have read all the post in this thread, and I can tell you k2_alpha hit it straight on.

Its not because your GF is crazy, but because you just dont care no more.

Just wondering since it wasn't mention in your post (perhaps I misread) but does your gf usually contact you after each fight/argument?

If the answer is mainly yes. And judging by your response from the thread, you really dont care about this relationship.



Reading your post reminds me of myself :P And this one thing you want to solve right away and not ignore it.

You are digging yourself a hole if you do.

Yeah k2's post really hit the nail. I can admit I've lost some passion in the relationship hence my hesitant commitments.

[dlo]

Guys, just because OP doesn't instantly reply back to his gf raging isn't fully because of his lack of interest or passion in the relationship, its just its fucking annoying. When my ex did that shit to me on the phone, I would say okay, call me back later, and hopefully she had cooled off, its really stressful and annoying when ur loved one is bitching, i would had easily have the same reaction as OP, but tbh u got caught slippin when ur friend was inside cooking lol. Best thing to do if u want to save this relationshipis tosit down with her and her friend and explain the situation. If ur gf aint down to talk it out, it shows her maturity level.
Posted via RS Mobile

[6793026]

Originally Posted by ecchiecchi

Lol- you make it sound so easy. No matter how transparent you are with women, some still use the stuff you reveal as ammo for fights. It's never as simple as what you say it is.

in a way, i know what you mean. i am a bitch in a way where i tell my gf. i have nothing to hide on my phone, u can read any shit on my phone and only if u ask. i tell her i will not let u forward my text or whatsoever.

i'm usually th type with the ammo. i tell the girl straight up, u either argue with common sense or i will peace out on you.

i don't take BS and this gf i have now had serious "princess disease"but i keep on dumping her until she balls her eyes out and realize she is in the wrong and keep coming back. she's fully trained now.

[RabidRat]

Originally Posted by 6793026

i don't take BS and this gf i have now had serious "princess disease"but i keep on dumping her until she balls her eyes out and realize she is in the wrong and keep coming back. she's fully trained now.

wtf

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by 6793026

in a way, i know what you mean. i am a bitch in a way where i tell my gf. i have nothing to hide on my phone, u can read any shit on my phone and only if u ask. i tell her i will not let u forward my text or whatsoever.

i'm usually th type with the ammo. i tell the girl straight up, u either argue with common sense or i will peace out on you.

i don't take BS and this gf i have now had serious "princess disease"but i keep on dumping her until she balls her eyes out and realize she is in the wrong and keep coming back. she's fully trained now.

What the...
Dude are you in a relationship or running a k9 security dog unit?

But in all seriousness there's something I don't get. You said you don't take bs but you keep taking the same girl back?

[NLY]

Originally Posted by OnTheDLo

Guys, just because OP doesn't instantly reply back to his gf raging isn't fully because of his lack of interest or passion in the relationship, its just its fucking annoying. When my ex did that shit to me on the phone, I would say okay, call me back later, and hopefully she had cooled off, its really stressful and annoying when ur loved one is bitching, i would had easily have the same reaction as OP, but tbh u got caught slippin when ur friend was inside cooking lol. Best thing to do if u want to save this relationshipis tosit down with her and her friend and explain the situation. If ur gf aint down to talk it out, it shows her maturity level.
Posted via RS Mobile

Exactly! I do find it annoying and the only remedy in my opinion after a fight is to cool off separately. I would rather approach the issues when everyone has a leveled head. This technique wouldn't be possible or a lot more complicated if she was living with me.

I understand my fault when she saw my friend cooking in the apartment. I had no idea and was surprised myself so her getting mad was justified. I still don't agree with her pouring food on the floor but she apologized for that.

How do you guys deal with a relationship filled with break ups and make ups? Usually you or your significant other make promises but are forgotten after X amount of time and the cycle continues? (obviously besides breaking up)

[mr_chin]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

...
What I'm scared of is her cutting a duplicate of my key without me knowing so I'm going to change my locks in the next few days. I'm scared of her potentially coming into my apartment and destroying my belongings.

If anyone of you actually read all that and have advice, I really appreciate it. Sorry for any grammar issues, it's late and I typed it all without going back to check.

R.S. what would you do?

am i wrong for not giving her a key
are her actions justified?
did i do anything wrong?

to add ;

she constantly checks my phone
if she's not with me she's calling me
gets pissed when other people are over

I bolded the word that defines your feeling of the relationship. If you're afraid of her having your keys, it's obvious that you don't have the sense of trust and security with her like you do with your elementary friend.

There are two options I think that is best to deal with these kind of situation.

1. Change your lock and end the relationship. She will come back and haunt you though.

2. Make it work. Be open about your phone calls, texts, where you are and what you are doing. Don't view it like you are on a leash though, view it like you want to share your life with her more.

But it's obvious by the way you posted that you are more of a self secure person and don't really need anyone to report to, so #2 will be hard.

[NLY]

Originally Posted by aznlangjai

I bolded the word that defines your feeling of the relationship. If you're afraid of her having your keys, it's obvious that you don't have the sense of trust and security with her like you do with your elementary friend.

There are two options I think that is best to deal with these kind of situation.

1. Change your lock and end the relationship. She will come back and haunt you though.

2. Make it work. Be open about your phone calls, texts, where you are and what you are doing. Don't view it like you are on a leash though, view it like you want to share your life with her more.

But it's obvious by the way you posted that you are more of a self secure person and don't really need anyone to report to, so #2 will be hard.

Thanks for the advice bro,

Presently the locks have been changed. Her argument for being over barring is that she doesn't want to lose me. It may not be obvious to her but I'm a grown man and don't need a girlfriend who is going to nurture me like my mother. I have an issue with sharing my text/phone calls with her because I like my privacy regardless of who I'm talking to. To live withh those restirctions would be worst than living with your parents. In my opinion, I don't think it's healthy to share everything with your significant other.

[GLOW]

did you go with the code or traditional lock?

[NLY]

i went with the traditional lock lol

the code one isn't allowed at the apartment despite my reasoning

I installed a dead-bolt just for good measures

[JKam]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

I installed a dead-bolt just for good measures

LOL. You're starting to make her seem like some psycho serial killer. I'm sure she's nice though.

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by JKam

LOL. You're starting to make her seem like some psycho serial killer. I'm sure she's nice though.

Nice? A woman's job is to make the food, not throw it on the floor

Spoiler!

[NLY]

Originally Posted by JKam

LOL. You're starting to make her seem like some psycho serial killer. I'm sure she's nice though.

It's just for precautionary measures

She's awesome minus all the crazy

[NLY]

Originally Posted by !Yaminashi

Nice? A woman's job is to make the food, not throw it on the floor

Spoiler!

Bounty Towels