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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-23-2012, 10:44 PM   #1
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[Confidential] GF and my cell phone

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me




So this may seem a little juvenile, but it's really starting to become a big problem. Before I go on.. no, I'm not in high school.. She's in university, and I graduated.

My girlfriend of over 3 years and I always get into arguments over my phone. I have a passcode on it. She always wants to surf the net with it (she doesn't have a data plan), and I always punch in the code for her. She keeps asking me to tell her what it is, but I really don't feel comfortable telling her the code.

I'm not cheating or flirting with other girls or anything like that. I just like my privacy. I don't like anyone touching my phone at all, including my friends.

Every time, we go through the same argument.
Her: "why can't you just tell me it?"
Me: "if you want to use my phone, it takes 2 seconds for me to punch in the code."

It's starting to irritate me of how big of an issue this is becoming. Anyone else have this problem? Am I being irrational?

I don't wanna get into the whole trust cycle, because that goes no where.
"If you trust me, you'll tell me."
"If YOU trust me, you'll let me have my privacy."


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Old 01-23-2012, 10:51 PM   #2
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If you have nothing to hide, why not just tell her? When I have friends that want to use my phone and the passcode lock is on I just tell them the numbers. Are there certain things you might not want her to know? 3 years you have been dating now, up to you. Why bother to have these unnecessary arguments over a passcode. Just shut her up and give it to her.
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:55 PM   #3
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^that or get her a data plan
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:57 PM   #4
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I agree, If you don't want it to be such an issue just give it up. Since you said you already unlock it for her all the time whats the big deal. Also if you are able to maybe you can set up the mobile hotspot and share your data with her phone... then maybe she wont even ask anymore.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:05 PM   #5
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just tell her

too much trouble over too little things

in real life, relationship is all about compromise from sides
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:34 PM   #6
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lol who cares.... I have no passcode on my phone. I just let my co-worker frds family use it if they want it. As long as they return it I have no issue.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:41 PM   #7
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i would let her have the passcode.. it's not like she wants your bank pin or something..
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:46 PM   #8
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i would let her have the passcode.. it's not like she wants your bank pin or something..
this.

i would let her have it. i let my ex have my phone pw, facebook, everything and she would do the same. besides, her browsing the internet is no biggie. you said you dont have anything to hide so it shouldnt matter
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:48 PM   #9
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i would let her have the passcode.. it's not like she wants your bank pin or something..
But that's how it'll start..... phone passcode.... bank pin.... set of keys to bachelor pad....

Regardless... like everyone said... just give her the code... but be warned... things could get worse so if this is really an issue for you, deal with it now.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:57 PM   #10
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If you dont mind then let her have it, if not lay down the law right now, mine has gotten so bad that she has to read every single one of my texts.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:57 PM   #11
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give her the pass , itll save you the headaches. gf asked for mine like the first day and im like .. no... and got into huge argument. Decided to delete whatever i had in there (i had stuff in there from my single days haha so things i didnt want her reading/seeing :troll) so i just took everything off that would be "bad" to her and now i have nothing to hide and she can surf all she wants
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Old 01-24-2012, 12:00 AM   #12
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I thought the whole point of a passcode is in case you lost your phone? My gf knows the passcode to my phone and she can check out my messages anytime she wants. Give her the reason to have trust in you.
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Old 01-24-2012, 12:08 AM   #13
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I dont really see how this is a problem,

you shouldnt hafto give her your password,

but that fact that you have such a problem with it is an issue in itself, and she has every right to be suspicious.

my gf would never ask me for any of my passwords, but if she did, she knows i would gladly give them to her, so she never asks.

your gf knows youl never give her any of yours, thus she will always want them, because your hiding something, even if your not hiding something, your pretending to hide something because you wont give it.

seems to me like the trust in this relationship is slowly fading,

you for some reason feel obligated to keep nothing a secret?

and your gf feels your keeping something secret, which you are, but it happens to be nothing

also, its probably already too late for you to just give her your password now,

if you gave it up right away without hesitation, she wouldnt think anything was up/wrong, and wouldnt ask for anymore passwords

but if you give it to her now, you had time to tamper with it, and she STILL wont be happy, and will always want more.
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Old 01-24-2012, 12:15 AM   #14
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give her the pass , itll save you the headaches. gf asked for mine like the first day and im like .. no... and got into huge argument. Decided to delete whatever i had in there (i had stuff in there from my single days haha so things i didnt want her reading/seeing :troll) so i just took everything off that would be "bad" to her and now i have nothing to hide and she can surf all she wants
i know what you have

but yeah totally agree with above ^
i know whole code issue is all privacy/annoying what not
just give it to her. And she'll never annoy you again (or maybe few more times but it'll end eventually)
like glove mentioned youre focusing too much on something that shouldnt be an issue
we're girls. We get suspicious/jealous real easy over stupid lil stuff. but after you build that certain trust itsall gonna be good
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Old 01-24-2012, 12:23 AM   #15
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Do you give her the phone to use unsupervised?
If you do, then the passcode does nothing to protect your phone after you unlocked for her.
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Old 01-24-2012, 12:47 AM   #16
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I used to have pwd on phone, computer, tablet, etc. My gf had no problem with it. She asked me every time.

You're not being irrational and she shouldn't be suspicious. I guess some girls/women are just more nosy than others. It's not a trust issue. It's simple respect and "give me some space".

It's up to you to draw the line. She'll understand... after going apeshit over it of course.
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Old 01-24-2012, 01:07 AM   #17
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Honestly if you have nothing to hide, I would just give her the passcode to the phone.

My recent relationship was going fine until she broke my trust a couple of months ago.

I hate to do it sometimes but once in a blue moon I would snoop around her Facebook or phone to see what's up. Then I dumped her cause she was talking shit about me.
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Old 01-24-2012, 01:12 AM   #18
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Tell her its a matter of principle, not a mater of trust

its not about having nothing to hide, its about your own privacy.
if it becomes an annoyance for her to wait those 2 seconds for u to type the password, tell her to stop wasting money on useless girl bullshit worth about 30 dollars/month and get a data plan
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Old 01-24-2012, 02:14 AM   #19
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does she give you access to her phone and or other passwords?
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Old 01-24-2012, 02:27 AM   #20
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lol I don't man. Seems kind of a distant relationship if you ask me.
If you aren't flirting with other chicks just give her your password. She's suppose to be your best friend and someone you trust the most.
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Old 01-24-2012, 03:26 AM   #21
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The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Hm. Thanks for the reality check, guys. Apparently it looks like I'm in the wrong here. I must be missing something..

I don't know, I just don't like anyone going through my stuff. Or maybe it bothers me that I know she's looking. Sorry, I forgot to mention that I've caught her looking through my messages before.

In my mind, if I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm having a conversation with that person only. No one else is meant to see it. If there's something specific about anything I want to tell my girlfriend about, I'll tell her by choice; not have her find out anything she wants by snooping through my messages. Does that make sense? Or am I missing something?
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:43 AM   #22
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Hm. Thanks for the reality check, guys. Apparently it looks like I'm in the wrong here. I must be missing something..

I don't know, I just don't like anyone going through my stuff. Or maybe it bothers me that I know she's looking. Sorry, I forgot to mention that I've caught her looking through my messages before.

In my mind, if I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm having a conversation with that person only. No one else is meant to see it. If there's something specific about anything I want to tell my girlfriend about, I'll tell her by choice; not have her find out anything she wants by snooping through my messages. Does that make sense? Or am I missing something?
thats perfectly normal. you have a right to your own space away from your girlfriend. youre gonna go crazy if you dont. and she just might ask for more and more knowing that you give leeway like that

take hitler for example. they gave him poland, next thing u know, hes asking for all the jews in the world plus multi colored sprinkle donuts from every baker that wears a top hat
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:09 AM   #23
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Get a tethering plan on Android, turn your Mobile AP option on, tell her to connect to the wifi, problem solved.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:25 AM   #24
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Wow you guys are all a bunch of spineless wimps. You have to draw the line somewhere. You can't just say "Give her the password, problem solved" because that isn't the end of the issue. It's an obvious sign of the "Power Struggle" that relationships eventually turn to after the honeymoon stage is over. Ignoring the issue will only translate to more arguments over different topics without addressing the underlying issues of the state of the relationship. To OP and all the rest of you that just said "give in" You have to be able to draw a line somewhere and you are entitled to your own privacy and sense of self space. Having ZERO boundaries and barriers is not healthy for either partners and later on will develop into trust issues when one partner decided to actually draw a line in the sand for sanity sake.
OP I would talk to your s/o and just explain that you desire something that is "yours" and she shouldn't be trying to take that away from you simply because SHE wants it so.

For more info on the stage of the power struggle you can read here. The Power Struggle

Berz out.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:51 AM   #25
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Agree with Berz. It could also lead to trust issues because you know she's been reading your messages which obviously makes you uncomfortable.

There has to be some privacy, and it annoys me that you cannot lock your messages or along the lines. Let restricted access kinda thing.. Or just put her in her place and tell her to stop cheaping out and get the god damn data plan for her fucking self.
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