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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 03-26-2012, 09:20 AM   #51
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Seemed appropriate.

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Old 03-26-2012, 09:51 AM   #52
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I dunno Ulic, i see where you are coming from as monogomy = fantasy part but ultimately trust in a relationship is extremely important (at least for me). If two people are in committed long-term relationships just don't fuck around a slip up, it isn't hard to do. It is not like these people slip and fall naked on others, its a deliberate action. If he/she is cheating on you it speaks more to the problems within the couple.

They way you frame it to the OP is that it just societal pressure that is making him guilty of his actions, but really the first replies were putting into consideration his current gf's feelings. Sure you can think of commitment as egotistical or a forced social construct, but in reality one person is going to be extremely hurt as a result because they have a concept of a committed relationship that I would argue most people have.
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Old 03-26-2012, 07:40 PM   #53
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Seems like Friends With Benefits but with a twist....




I agree with Miss Crayon's point of view.....
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Old 03-27-2012, 05:03 PM   #54
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yea, if girl number 2 can cheat on her bf, she could possibly cheat on u too but then again,.. u said yall got history.. depending on the gravity of that history,that could tell u if u were meant for each other or if its time to let her go..

stop playin ur woman tho.. u gotta take care of her cuz if u dont, another man sure as hell will.

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Old 03-28-2012, 02:49 AM   #55
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edit: holy fuck long post. well. anyone that actually reads this shit deserves props for being able to stand the ideas that come outta my mouth.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Phozy View Post
Youre a genius ulic...
yes i know thanks.
haha.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock View Post
But here's the deal...if you can't sit this woman down and tell her straight up, I want to open this shit up and at least be honest, then everything becomes lies and justifications. And its not the physical act of sex that really pisses people off. It's the lies! At least for me. You asked, how would I feel if it was happening to me? Ok. I'd give a little shit about the fact that she got with someone else, but WAY pissed when I thought about what lies she would have to tell me to buy her time to fuck, and whatever other deceptions to keep everything to herself.
Spoiler!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock View Post
That's the part that pissed me off with my father. It wasn't the act of sex. It was the fact that he turned into a douche and was lying to fucking everyone! It was the fact that as a result of his lies, everyone in our community felt they had to stay out of it so they continued his lies. Then he has his epiphany that living with the fat bowl cut broad in the trailer is the way to go and you just sit there and realize how stupid everyone was to what was actually happening.
Spoiler!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock View Post
I can't remember exactly, but I believe you have alluded to having ladies on the side here on rs before, yes?
Spoiler!



Quote:
Originally Posted by RabidRat View Post
When I get in a relationship, I make a commitment up front that if I'm going to start something with another girl, I'm leaving this relationship first. And I don't move forward with it unless they make that same commitment.
Spoiler!


Quote:
Originally Posted by RabidRat View Post
If in your relationships you've stated that you're going to have some fun on the side "nothing personal, it's just human nature baby!", then that's a whole other story. But if you've made a promise and break it, then continually lie about it, then you're a jackass. It's not even about the relationship anymore, it's about the kind of person you are that nobody can trust you to keep your word.
Spoiler!


Quote:
Originally Posted by RabidRat View Post
If they ended up cheating on me, yeah I'd be hurt but you know what, I'd eventually be okay. It just means I found out they aren't someone I wanted to be with in the first place, no hard feelings. I look for a specific type of person to be with and that's someone who has the self-control and personal standards that they wouldn't do something like that.
Spoiler!



Quote:
Originally Posted by RabidRat View Post
Maybe the difference is also in what we're looking for in a relationship. I'm not just in it for a good time. For me it's all a long term trial period for something permanent, and if I don't see it moving towards that, I cut my losses and gtfo. I'd rather be single as I don't have time to screw around. I have a career to worry about and certain things I want to accomplish in a lifetime. With the level of commitment I throw into my relationships, it necessarily cuts into both these things (for one thing it means I can't suddenly move to another country), so it has to be worth it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joolee View Post
I've been in a relationship for 8 years+ with my ex and he cheated me on numerous times. Trust me, she will find out and when she does, the damage is traumatizing. Don't be the guy that fucks up everything for her.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 6793026 View Post
Ulic Qel-Droma you always come out and about and pull some random shit, sometimes it's epic, but in this situation, i can't side with you for some reason.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jsunu View Post
I dunno Ulic, i see where you are coming from as monogomy = fantasy part but ultimately trust in a relationship is extremely important (at least for me). If two people are in committed long-term relationships just don't fuck around a slip up, it isn't hard to do. It is not like these people slip and fall naked on others, its a deliberate action. If he/she is cheating on you it speaks more to the problems within the couple.
Spoiler!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Jsunu View Post
They way you frame it to the OP is that it just societal pressure that is making him guilty of his actions, but really the first replies were putting into consideration his current gf's feelings. Sure you can think of commitment as egotistical or a forced social construct, but in reality one person is going to be extremely hurt as a result because they have a concept of a committed relationship that I would argue most people have.
Spoiler!



Quote:
Originally Posted by ek_noob View Post
yea, if girl number 2 can cheat on her bf, she could possibly cheat on u too but then again,.. u said yall got history.. depending on the gravity of that history,that could tell u if u were meant for each other or if its time to let her go..

stop playin ur woman tho.. u gotta take care of her cuz if u dont, another man sure as hell will.
Spoiler!






you guys are all crazy, but i don't blame you.
you all probably love your SO's so much right now, and they seem like they're the one.
that's great. and good for you.
just remember the past (if you've had other SO's or many SO's).
the feeling can be replicated.
what you're feeling now is just a temporary state. you can project it onto anyone. and anyone can project it on you.
i dont blame you for not fighting the feeling, not using your rationality over your heart.
it fucking feels good. its like a drug.
i dont blame any of you for thinking this way.
but if any of you ever get cheated on, just read what i wrote in this thread. and if you can truely ignore your feelings, and use your brain, and REALISE what i wrote, and embrace it 100% and live it in and out. you'll feel 100% better instantly.


as for the OP. good luck dude.
only you can know which girl is right for you. we dont know anything about these girls, and know very little about you.
my 2c is the same.
figure out who you wanna be with, then decide.
if you cant decide, well let it run until you do decide.

and like i said before, if everything turns for the worst and none of them are with you, accept it because you chose to take those high risks. you had two women at once, all men know the risks of that. and we all well know the rewards for accepting such risks.

look back and think, you had two women at once, how many guys on this forum even dare to make that move? or can even imagine the rewards of having two or more women at once?

on the flip side... if everything goes well and you stick with whichever girl you pick, then thats awesome.


for the rest of you... just remember, this scenario and everything i wrote could be from a girls point of view as well.
just cuz im a guy and come off as "playerish" doesnt mean its a solely a guy thing only.

for all you know, i could have learnt this all from women.
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Greebo i t-boned some guy and killed their baby, it was funny
silvia i have a couple asian guy friends that do very well with the ladies. but guess what, they go to the gym, they dont have long hair, they dont wear orange pants, and they dont play counterstrike. its not the ethnicity that the girls dont like, its the style and personality.
450HP Supra I am about to use your eye sockets as a shoe rack for my nuts. ...something about chinks, j-bodys, I can't quite remember as I was drunk and looking for a girl to punch in the clit. Think of it as a digital urinal, and you are the mint, except, instead of actually smelling mint, you smell like mothballs, rotten kimchee and virginity. I'm about to start drinking heavily now and you better be gone before I get back or I swear to god I will break the internet over my knee and use the pieces to beat you in the deformed skull with, cock muffler.
Iceman-19 If your gf cooks and cleans, good, tell the guy to take a fucking hike. If she doesnt, fuck, that joker can have her. Lifes too short to cook your own meals and do your own laundry, thats what women are for!
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Last edited by Ulic Qel-Droma; 03-28-2012 at 03:41 AM.
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Old 03-28-2012, 10:22 AM   #56
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LOL...that post was a mind fuck to follow. Not even going to quote it, but Ulic, this one is for you.

Are you high?

I mean, I understand your logic, that namely, monogamy is a tough rule so why follow it. No one gets hurt if no one knows.

But your relationships that you describe are hardly what I'd call stable. This girl:

Quote:
i had a long term gf (6 years, u can argue 8, but i'd say 6), semi-LD (i'd go there as much as i could).
i never cheated on her. i did fuck other girls during these "8" years, but we were on breaks or we were broken up temporarily. and she never asked or cared to ask. she knew if it came down to gunpoint, i'd always choose her over everyone else, including my own life. that's all that matters at the end.
You had broken up numerous times and didn't even live on the same continent. Hardly what I'd call a stable relationship.

There is a huge difference between that, and living with your so and coming home from shagging some 'ABC from OC FOB' and having her ask, "hey, how was your night?"

"Good honey, I got way drunk and had a little sexual exploitation with a random I met in the bar. But its ok! She was way hotter than you and I still came home to you. That says love more than anything else."

Come on!

All I'm saying, that we can learn, in this day in age, and the unprecedented level of openess regarding sex that when you get in a relationship, you can start off with saying "I'm not built for monogamy and probably won't be able to be monogamous, nor am I interested in same"

Or you can be a lying sack.

The OP in this case wants his cake and would like to fuck it to. He doesn't want to be honest with the girlfriend, cause we know where that is going to go. But he doesn't want to say, "I want pussy on the side" so really, he wants permission to lie to the girlfriend and continue to fuck the other girl.

I don't give a goddamn what the rules of monogamy are and its "too cruel a rule"-people should have the balls to say it to their partner and be honest about it.

THAT is my issue. The lies. He'd also be the first one in here screaming about the hurt if his girlfriend was also banging some dude on the side. So we have lies and a double standard.

Dino and I have an understanding of monogamy. You are saying that I should just give into any base urges I may have for the fun of a one night affair because hey! I'm a dude and its what we do.

Not cool. I do come across attractive women on occasion and my first reaction is not to be "how do I ditch my gf for an hour to get with you"

I think your perspective will change when you meet "the" woman and not "another" woman. For her sake, I hope so anyway.
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Old 03-28-2012, 11:44 AM   #57
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Holy crap.

Ulic I appreciate the effort you went to for that crazy reply but sounds like the gist of what you're saying is that "if you're not open to the possibility that she could at any time cheat on you, you will get hurt one day, real bad". Again, I am going to have to take that risk. I just wouldn't feel like I was in a proper, decent relationship if I always had to keep in the back of my mind "she could cheat on me any time, and today could be the day." No, screw that lol. Seriously would rather be single.

Another common theme in what you're saying is "faithfulness is an illusion. one person belonging to one another is an illusion. Your gf is not an object, she has free will and she can and will get with another guy". See, but it's because a person has free will and can make their own choices that it's so significant to me that they manage to not mess around. It's the sacrifice that YES, you could cheat on your SO and get away with it, but you don't, because you gave your word that you wouldn't, and your word means something. For me, a major part of a relationship is having a level of trust with someone right up there with your best friends and one day, exceeding that with your family members. Could you really be as close to someone without being able to let go all the way, never having to doubt them?

I believe you also said that when you get in a relationship, you would never promise to not cheat on her. Because you're a man of your word. See, that's fine then. All I'm asking is that whoever I'm with makes that same statement, that they won't promise to not go off and mess around with another guy. As long as I know that up front, there are no issues. That's the whole reason OP is a scumbag, that his gf has no idea this is going on, and the longer this goes on, the more traumatized she's going to be when she finds out.


Edit: I feel bad for not addressing more of what you said, so here's more:

So you said you're out there looking for love, you're looking for that 12/10, who will be THE one, the perfect one for you. See, I'm not looking for my 12/10 though. I'm trying to find the 8/10 who makes me happy and I can get along with. This is hard enough. I have eventually always found something about a girl that is enough that I realize I can't live with for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm picky I dunno. Sometimes this happens quickly, and sometimes it takes years. But "good enough" IS my 12/10. I know what you're thinking, I'll address it in my next point.

You gave me an example. You said what if I show up to some party and I meet some girl who's much hotter than my gf, and she's just better in every way that matters to me. First off, past a certain point I don't really care how hot a girl is anymore. If I look at her and I think to myself "hey, she's pretty." Good enough. Any extra beyond that is just more short-term lust: physical attraction that has no bearing in the long run imo. Where I get picky is whether she can keep up with me intellectually (or whether she runs circles around me), whether she's interesting and fun to talk to, whether she gets me and my particular sense of humor. So if she's actually 10x better in every category than my gf, and I see her on a couple more occasions and it's consistent and wasn't just the drinks talking, then you know what happens next? I break off all contact because I realize what's happening, and I think long and hard about how often this happens, and whether my current gf really is my 8/10 if this keeps happening. If I decide to go for this other one, then I drive myself down to my gf's place, man up, and tell her "I need you to break up with me."


Edit2: Read more of what you said, I think I see where you're coming from..

You say it's an illusion that you've found "the one", because chances are, you can exactly duplicate what you have with any number of other people, especially if you haven't dated like mad like Ulic has. You know what, I agree. I absolutely agree with this, but what I would say to you is that if you're constantly looking for someone better, there will ALWAYS be someone better out there. When does it stop? When are you going to finally be satisfied? And btw, there are countless other guys out there looking for the same thing, and the hotter this girl is that you've just found, the more likely she'll be taken away from you by others. Guys who are better than YOU (maybe not better than you at typing epic 5-page replies on Revscene though, you'll always have that one ).

Am I getting too old that all I want is "good enough, let's not go nuts"? Is it weird that I don't need whoever I'm with to be exceptionally hot, exceptionally accomplished, exceptionally this and that, in order for myself to be happy? Especially at the cost of having to cheat? I don't think I should have to be so dependent on being with literally Ms. Perfect to have a good life. If we make each other happy, and if they can keep up with me, seriously.. good enough. =)
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