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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 03-21-2012, 05:00 PM   #1
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[Confidential] A good girlfriend that I've known for 10+ years...

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me



I debated within myself for the longest time if I should share my story here and finally I think its the time when I need some comments and feedback from a "third person" point of view. Please excuse my typo and grammar in this passage because honestly I'm a very poor writer and I'll try my best to be as clear and explicit as I can about my story. Of course...I'll try to keep it as short as possible. and sorry if my ideas / sentences keep flying around...I'm typing as I'm thinking what to type.

I know this girl ever since high school. Back in the high school days, the girl and I knew we had a thing but due to timing issue, we never got a chance to be together. We remained as good friends for those few years.

After we got into post-secondary, we didnt really talk and hang out much. Obviously in between we dated our girlfriends/boyfriends separately. The only time I got to see her was a few times during reunion with a group of friends. After post secondary, she decided to travel back to her home country and helped out in her family business. She would then travel back to Canada a few times to visit / enjoy her vacation / etc.

Here was what happened and how my problem began....when she came back this one time, I decided to call her and had dinner with her to catch up. We talked at least a couple hours at dinner and we decided to go to a lounge after. I got a little tipsy and for some reason...a small part of me told me it is the right time to kiss and make out with her...we stayed there for a good 1-2 hours and made out a few times. That night was the first night she came over at my place as well. I know this sounds really messed up...but both of us are in a 5 years + relationship...

Ever since that time, we talked/texted a lot more often even when she is away. I would offer to bring her around, drive her to airport and etc. We would party together and again she will stay over.We even went on a short trip together and stayed over a night. However, a couple months ago, she told me that she felt the guilt within her and wanted us to stop what we were doing...(which I do respect because I know what I was doing was wrong too)Our mutual friends do not know what happened between us as well....we act really normal in front of everyone.

The weird thing is...she recently came back and Everything happened again...It seemed like she took back what she said to me before. We knew we both have our boyfriend/girlfriend and she knows I somewhat like her...and she did admit she missed me when she is away. However, she doesnt want to say it straight to my face because she said "she does not want to make things complicated"....(what the hell does that mean?...because we are both in a relationship?)

Does she wants to keep this casual and continue with this? or maybe she is waiting for something? I know for a fact that she is not doing too well with her boyfriend..

or maybe I am thinking too much and should just stop ? and yes...I feel the guilt too..but I do like this girl...

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Old 03-21-2012, 05:15 PM   #2
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Be fair to your girl and that girl...

Choose one and stick with that...
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:15 PM   #3
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you and her both be cray!
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:19 PM   #4
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You don't seem too interested in your current girlfriend, just let her go because it's unfair to her. Seems like you've already made up your mind which one you want.
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:30 PM   #5
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I think you should be single and so should she. You two so easily "forgot" you were in long term relationships for one night. Chances are one of you would end up doing it again further down the road
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Old 03-21-2012, 06:12 PM   #6
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Here's the lowdown from my POV. I think you need to get yourself straightened out. Bro, you don't mess with another's girlfriend. Also you don't cheat on your girlfriend. These are unspoken rules that I endorse personally and my POV is based upon it that's just a word of caution.

Buddy, if you really like this girl then by all means go for it. But don't step one foot in and one foot out. If you are going for her, you give it 100%. Break up with your current girlfriend now and go for her. Like everyone else said, it's not fair to your girlfriend. However, if you don't break up and stop seeing this girl the fact still stands as you cheated on her.

You yourself are second guessing her true intent so really how far can you trust this girl? She cheated on her boyfriend who's to say she won't do it to you too? She said she misses you but she won't break up with her boyfriend? How stable is she?

From what you are saying I interpret that you indeed want to go for this girl but because you are unsure if she actually likes you and will breakup with her boyfriend, you choose to stay with your girlfriend until it's 100% that you can have this girl.
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Old 03-21-2012, 06:30 PM   #7
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You guys are both fucked.
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Old 03-21-2012, 06:48 PM   #8
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if you are asking to chose between gf or this girl, chose this girl because if you loved your gf you wouldn't have a second option.
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Old 03-21-2012, 06:50 PM   #9
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I don't usually respond to these threads, but here's some advice from someone who's been in this situation before. Admit you're wrong (to both parties), and choose one. Letting it go on will just lead to a fuckload more problems when they find out (and they will fucking find out). It may be fun for a bit, but it may cost you both relationships in the end. Also, be prepared to burn a bridge with the one you don't stay with. 99.99999% of the time, she'll never trust you with her again, whether it be coffee, dinner, movie, etc....sad but true.

But like I said, air out your dirty laundry now.......cause when she finds out it's gonna be a fucking mess you don't want to deal with.
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Old 03-21-2012, 06:53 PM   #10
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So, I'm confused....are you asking if you should break-up with your gf and hook-up with this chick? Or, are you asking us if you should keep CHEATING?

You seem to be more interested and focused on what is happening with this girl than your girlfriend. And, you seem to be only concerned whether this chick likes you or not....not whether or not you should man up and stop fucking over your gf. What the fuck are you doing? Who gives a shit if this girl likes you or not. You do not seriously entertain those thoughts until you are SINGLE.

Not cool bro. Sorry to call you out...but you are kind of a douche bag.
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:04 PM   #11
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since she is constantly moving between canada and her own county, are you afraid to be single afterwards if you break up with your current gf and go for her? i think you want to actually be with her but you are afraid it might not work out due to her inconsistency of being there for you and thus having a chance of breaking up.
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:32 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamboda View Post
Here's the lowdown from my POV. I think you need to get yourself straightened out. Bro, you don't mess with another's girlfriend. Also you don't cheat on your girlfriend. These are unspoken rules that I endorse personally and my POV is based upon it that's just a word of caution.

Buddy, if you really like this girl then by all means go for it. But don't step one foot in and one foot out. If you are going for her, you give it 100%. Break up with your current girlfriend now and go for her. Like everyone else said, it's not fair to your girlfriend. However, if you don't break up and stop seeing this girl the fact still stands as you cheated on her.

You yourself are second guessing her true intent so really how far can you trust this girl? She cheated on her boyfriend who's to say she won't do it to you too? She said she misses you but she won't break up with her boyfriend? How stable is she?

From what you are saying I interpret that you indeed want to go for this girl but because you are unsure if she actually likes you and will breakup with her boyfriend, you choose to stay with your girlfriend until it's 100% that you can have this girl.
+1. Agree 100%. Make it up your mind about which girl you wanna have a long term relationship with. -sounds like a heart to heart talk is needed between you and this lady friend of yours. Set the record straight. Let her know that you like her. If she really wants to be with you, she'll follow her heart and dump her boyfriend.

If she says "No" and stays with the boyfriend, it sounds like a movie to me. Friends with Benefits.
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:33 PM   #13
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My only opinion and initial thought when i read it was: Not once did you mention anything about your exisiting girlfriend.
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:47 PM   #14
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you also had the gall to say the girl has issues with her bf...that's not an excuse or something that you need to mention...
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:53 PM   #15
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break up with your current gf, cause you're a jerk and she deserves better.

then you can freely go out with the girl you're chasing (she'll break up with her bf, cause its already rocky), and you guys can go on and off and mess around for a few years, then break up because long distance is too hard. then you will have wasted a good few years of both your lives, and you can start looking for someone to 'settle down' with, except all the good ones will be gone by then, and you'll realize that you really shouldnt have been unfaithful in the first place, and that love is a choice you make, not a emotion you feel.
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Old 03-21-2012, 09:12 PM   #16
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you've been in a relationship for 5+ years. i think honestly, this affair is nothing more than lust. think about who will be there for you for years to come. you're current girlfriend, this girl that comes back to canada every few months/years.
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Old 03-21-2012, 10:08 PM   #17
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What's up with you people and not being able to end one relationship before jumping into bed with another? If it's so easy to cheat on someone you've been with for 5+ years, how hard can it be to break up with someone you've been with for 5+ years?

Perhaps you should stop thinking with your dick for one second and break up with your gf so she can go on with her life. And good luck with the other girl..if she can do that to her current bf...she sure as hell can do it to you. But then again..I guess you could too.

End note: You're both made for one another!!!
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Old 03-21-2012, 10:19 PM   #18
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lol 5 years of dating and already having sex with an old buddy? yea...... just choose the new girl because the old one deserves better (like the other poster said) and all the girls hate you in revscene
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Old 03-21-2012, 10:28 PM   #19
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She wants a casual fuck. You like her more than she likes you.

Stick with your gf, beat off when you're horny, and just stay friends with the friend. Not worth it, it won't come back to you right away, but it will one way or another. Plus if you did get with your friend...<<Ginuwine- What's So Different>>.
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Old 03-22-2012, 08:16 AM   #20
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grass is always greener on the other side. please do not call or talk and text this girl no more.

you have opened a can of whoopass and to be honest, once this door of "cheating" opens, you're going to have a tough time crawling back to a normal relationship.

ignore the girl, remove the temptation and be loyal.
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Old 03-22-2012, 09:49 AM   #21
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I think its a little too late to be "loyal"
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Old 03-22-2012, 09:56 AM   #22
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I don't know...are you looking for people to say its ok to screw the other chick on the side?

Because I find a lot of times people aren't looking for advice..they are looking for permission.

You know what you should do. You are into this girl way more than your gf, but you don't have the balls to take the chance of ending up alone. So you jerk your gf along in the hopes that your true love comes to you and devotes herself to you. Guaranteed, you'd be in front of your gf in 30 seconds telling her, "its not you, its me"

Sorry, but I'm going to yell it: THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN

No one wants to be in a relationship where we were fucking for years, broke up 2 relationships and then suddenly think everything is going to be happy ever after. That's a lot of relationship carnage to wade through.

Dino and I may have a stranger start to a relationship than most, but I can sit there and say that although we weren't friends in the purest capacity of the word, we NEVER crossed the line. Our exes can choose to believe that or not(when it came up, the consensus was no) but I know the truth, and Dino knows the truth and I'm going to tell you it makes a HUGE difference from "Yeah, we were fucking the WHOLE time!"

The main thing is, if Dino and I didn't mess around when we had ample opportunity, and relationships going through bad times and even after I had ended my relationship, so half of us were unencumbered, then chances are I can trust her around just about anybody, except for Kevin Bieksa.

Last edited by Gridlock; 03-22-2012 at 10:09 AM.
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Old 03-22-2012, 10:06 AM   #23
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If you think you're capable of being a player, then be one: break up with your current girlfriend, bang out this friend of yours a few times, and then look for someone else to lust after. Just be clean and tell your current girlfriend that you need to do this and don't do it behind her back. She'll ball her eyes out and probably turn anyone she's associated with against you, but if you're a man, you'll take it because after all, you gotta have balls to be a player.

Just don't come crying to us or your friends in 2-3 years when you do want to settle down and all that are left are crazies or bitter women who were fucked over by guys like you. It is what it is.
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Old 03-22-2012, 10:17 AM   #24
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srsly tho:

Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_crayon View Post
What's up with you people and not being able to end one relationship before jumping into bed with another? If it's so easy to cheat on someone you've been with for 5+ years, how hard can it be to break up with someone you've been with for 5+ years?

Perhaps you should stop thinking with your dick for one second and break up with your gf so she can go on with her life. And good luck with the other girl..if she can do that to her current bf...she sure as hell can do it to you. But then again..I guess you could too.

End note: You're both made for one another!!!
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Old 03-22-2012, 10:27 AM   #25
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Youre an asshole
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