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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 03-22-2012, 12:04 PM   #26
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The girl your fucking has no value. Both of guys were feeling bored in your long-term relationships and craved something else. Mix that with alcohol and you are both cheating on your partners.

Whats the right thing to do?

Stop messing with the fuckbuddy, confess to your current gf and pray to god that she forgives you.

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Old 03-22-2012, 12:13 PM   #27
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The girl your fucking has no value. Both of guys were feeling bored in your long-term relationships and craved something else. Mix that with alcohol and you are both cheating on your partners.

Whats the right thing to do?

Stop messing with the fuckbuddy, confess to your current gf and pray to god that she forgives you.
I could go either way. Really, confessing to the gf really puts it into her hands to make the big decision. You are almost manning up in confessing, but doing the cowards move of making her hurt because of it and dumping your sorry ass.

First, he needs to decide if he wants to maintain his current relationship. If so, he needs to cut contact with the other girl and focus in on his relationship. If he is strong on that and devotes to his relationship, will her knowing what he's done make that a stronger relationship?

I tend to look at that level of confession being " I feel better now that you know, and you feel worse that you do"

That said, I would hate to be the person kept in the dark.

First, he needs to decide what he wants to do. I suspect, as I so bluntly put before, that he wants the other girl to come running up and make his decision for him by saying she'll be there when he's out of his relationship.

Or permission to just fuck her.

I think he's toxic for all involved and needs to end everything, take a little time and start fresh. Right now, no matter what he does, he's a douchebag. Guess that's what happens when you do douchey things to people.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:13 PM   #28
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Wtf. Break up with your gf now, what is your problem?! You're obviously wasting your time and her time if you're more concerned about whether this new girl is into you than the fact that you've been cheating on your gf, repeatedly, and planning to continue doing so.
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Old 03-22-2012, 01:35 PM   #29
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Old 03-22-2012, 09:40 PM   #30
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if you two get together then one of you, if not both of you two are gonna cheat. once a cheater always a cheater.

you are a douche bag btw.
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Old 03-22-2012, 10:08 PM   #31
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Thread backfired on OP
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Old 03-23-2012, 09:51 AM   #32
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do you even have to ask?
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Old 03-23-2012, 10:13 AM   #33
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OP doesn't even have the balls to respond to us here...
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Old 03-23-2012, 12:03 PM   #34
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YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. (actually just you, i could care less about her haha).

ok first things first.

in the mood for love.

you can treat it like it is, just this thing you got on the side. a little exciting dangerous relationship. and just keep it at that.

second you can ask her straight up, if you guys feel you're better for each other, just go for it (but personally i wouldn't).

what do YOU want?

you want her dont you. u wanna fuck that pussy so bad. im surprised you havent already (or have you? you said she came over, but what'd you do? just make out and cuddle? did you fuck?).

i say just keep going and doing what you two are doing, dont TRY to further anything by asking or initiating questions. just go with the flow.

you felt it was the right time to penetrate her face with your tongue and it just slid in there naturally.

next time maybe your fingers or dick. as long as it feels right, and you two "agree" without words. whatever.

out of sight out of mind. have your fun.

the idea of loyalty is an ILLUSION.

the idea of not wanting your significant other to fuck other people is an ILLUSION.
it's egotistical.
it's possessive.

in reality that shit doesnt matter. more people are "disloyal" than loyal.
out of sight out of mind man.

realise it's just some intrinsic egotistical possessive value that all humans have, because we're fucked in the head.

if you found out she had a similar thing going on the side, would you feel bad?

what if you found out before you started this?

there's a difference isnt there? well guess what, there shouldnt be a difference.
just cuz you did bad, doesnt mean if she does bad, you shouldnt feel it less.

its all the same from the beginning.

obviously none of the people in this thread have been in a lot of relationships or multiple relationships at the same time. or are considered "players".

yeah, once a cheat, always a cheat. but we're all cheats.
this honor of being loyal is just some figment of their imagination that they want to hold to themselves, cuz it somehow makes them feel better.

they're egotistical. if they found out their significant other fucked up and kissed another person, or held another persons hand.. or dear lord, no... fucked another person.
they'd mother fucking flip the fuck out, and probably dump them and try to kill the other person.

man, the truth is, just whatever. it's just sex. everyone fucks up, everyone has urges. sometimes everything just falls in place.
you're drunk
the mood is right.
she's super hot
you have past history together.
you havent had sex for months
you havent jerked off for weeks.
shes licking her lips and staring you in the eye and playing with her hair and champagne glass
your dick is rock hard and rubbing against that soft silk underwear of yours lol

all the stars aligned. you cant blame yourself.

like i said just treat this as dessert. keep eating it, cuz it tastes good. and just go with the flow.

if she one day just vanishes and never shows up and never contacts you again, dont feel down. it is what it is.

this small relationship is a book. all books have their good chapters and bad chapters.
value the good chapters. and when the book is over, remember those good chapters. and that's all.

there will be PLENTY of other books. value each book for what it was worth, and remember the good chapters.

on the flipside, if your GF finds out and dumps you, don't go crying to anyone.
this is the risk you were willing to take. and like i said, remember the good chapters from that relationship as well.

go read another book. there will always be good books out there. to seek them out you just gotta read enough books.

PS. stop looking for verbal confirmations. just feel. you don't need words. if she's coming back to you and you guys keep doing this. don't make assumptions, dont need verbal confirmation. it's happening. you're doing what you're doing and just take it as that. dont ask for more. dont ask for less.

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Old 03-23-2012, 12:07 PM   #35
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^ no.
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Old 03-23-2012, 12:31 PM   #36
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^
yes.

cuz one day, your "great" girlfriend is going to pull some shit like this, and you're going to be crying on revscene.

when in fact, if you take on my perspective, you'd be less hurt.

no rational human being can disagree about the fact that it IS an illusion, and it is egotistical and possessive.

it's like not wanting to share a candy bar with your buddies. why?
honestly WHY? cuz you're possessive. it's MINE. MINE MINE MINE.

when in fact, she's not yours. she's no bodys, and everybodys. whoever she chooses.

whoever YOU choose for yourself as well.
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Old 03-23-2012, 12:58 PM   #37
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^ I don't have any problems with your values and ideologies but such things has to be shared among the two parties in a relationship. If the op's current gf is into polygamy then no one would be saying shit here.

When your partner believes he/she is in a monogamy relationship while you secretly meet others, then your just a cheater/liar. No excuse.

If the op wants to go this path, then he should let his current gf know of his decisions. You want to be nobody's? or everybody's? then be my guest and knock yourself out. Don't pretend to be someone's and act like your everybody's.

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Old 03-23-2012, 03:49 PM   #38
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The following is a reply from the anonymous member

To be honest, I am very thankful for all these feedback and comments, I do value them alot as I believe I was clueless of what I was doing for the past half a year. And by posting my story here, I know I will get called all these nasty names and I know it is very stupid of me and "douchy" to do whatever I did in the past.

one person here said that..." at the end...its your current GF that will be there for you.." and the other person said " love is a decision...not an emotion you feel"...that got me thinking alot for the past 2 days...
I know this sounds stupid but My GF and I have been doing long distance for almost a year and its very difficult for me...Obviously I know this is definitely not an acceptable reason to do what I did...but sometimes i just wanna say...its really hard.. (yes I am still a douche of what I did).

I do care about my GF still...maybe not in eyes of you guys because I didnt mention a single thing about my GF....

but you know that feeling when you wanted something really bad and you couldnt get it? Sometimes I have that feeling about the other girl..again...I know its stupid...but I agree to all of you that this is probably temporary and get my head straight of whats right and wrong..
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Old 03-23-2012, 04:12 PM   #39
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@Ulic Qel-Droma

your post made my day. feels like im reading misc right now
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Old 03-23-2012, 09:08 PM   #40
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Spoiler!
i didn't say he wasn't a cheater. and i didn't say i wasnt a cheater.
i didnt make up any excuse.

what he is doing is considered cheating.

and im saying...

AND?!

and nothing!

nobodys? somebodys? what?!

you mean don't go around pretending to be someone's but act like you're no ones?

why should he let her know his decisions?
he clearly hasnt made one.
if he made one he wouldnt be asking us for advice.

he will let her know his decisions when he makes one. obviously. when he makes a decision he will either dismiss girl #1 or dismiss girl #2. he'll keep the one better fit for him.

and anyways, girls are expensive, relationships are expensive.
he probably doesn't have the wallet to support two girls when it really comes down to it. so he'll have to eventually pick one anyway.


he's confused because he's probably never loved two women at once.
im just explaining his feelings to him.

and im rationalizing the situation to best help him.
remember, it's HIM on this forum asking us for help. not her.
we dont know a thing about her or her perspective.

you guys think it's not "fair" to her. but you don't even know her.
and you guys fail to acknowledge the fact that "fair" is also just an illusion. if this guy was in this affair with another girl, or if he wasnt, doesnt make 1 single difference to her at this moment. what are u guys gonna do? go rat him out?

you guys are the ones all jumping him like hounds, trying to duplicate your possessive egotistical views and biases on him. prodding him with your branding irons, trying to persuade him with attacks lol.

guilt isnt gonna convince him of anything, it might push him in the direction you guys want, but in the end if he still doesnt want it, he's gonna go back to doing what he was doing before he asked us for advice.


Spoiler!


don't feel bad dude. the guilt you are feeling is just some stupid feeling the world has decided that you should feel when you love more than 1 woman at the same time.

people will always think 'cheaters' are douches ones that fall into society's false... i don't even know how to word it. false ideal... of this weird idolization of what a romantic relationship should be. thinking it's some complete union between two faithful people. but in reality they are supporting an illusion. love is an illusion. possessive.

when your friend said, in the end, it's your current gf that will be there for you.
but if she's there for you and you don't want her, she's of no use still.
i sure as hell couldnt care less if a girl is there for me, if i didn't want her.
how does he know girl#2 wont be for you at the end if you guys fully embrace each other's feelings for each other? he's assuming.

and... love isnt a decision, it's an emotion you feel.
the decision you make is which one to be with (at the moment) to fulfil that feeling.
you can love one, one moment, and love the other another moment. or love both at the same moment.

so your friends are both wrong.

love is the feeling you feel with her right now, it's lust and infatuation. but is it not the same feeling you felt when you met your "actual" gf too? love is a feeling.
and you're choosing to open the flood gates and express it and let it in.

some say a real man wouldn't cheat. i say the opposite.
a real man isn't afraid of what society thinks of him, or what labels other people will try to put on him. a real man will accept the consequences of the risks he takes. when his plan fails or backfires on him, he will not blame anyone but himself. he knew the risks associated with the actions he took. that's all there is to it.

you and your gf have been long distance for 1 year? man, honestly, you have to be a realist in this situation. i was in a LD for the longest fucking time. your life has to go forward too. she's not here for you right now. and youre not there for her right now.

what are the chances of you two being together forever? realistically, remove biases and feelings. if you had to bet your family's life on this would you bet that it's gonna work out, or its not gonna work out in the long run? (i mean factor in your feelings and also her feelings. it only takes one of you to give up, so if you're willing to give up, and then you factor the chance that she will give up... you see where im going?)

love is an illusion and it takes two to support that illusion.
you're already starting to remove the support.
your gf is long distance.. that's removing support
it's been 1 year... that's definitely removing support.

remember, you're only seeing this from YOUR perspective.

she thinks you possibly cant be cheating on her. if she finds out she'll be fucking shocked.

now flip the perspective, she could be doing the same to you. maybe not fucking other guys, but she's definitely got other guys asking her out, and how do you know she hasnt gone out for coffee or thought about it? (and don't use this as leverage to cheat, it's just something to think about). you'd be shocked too if you found out right?

but out of sight out of mind. you don't know. she doesnt know.
you're not married. you're still trying to seek who the "right" person is.

your current girlfriend may not be the one, or possibly isnt the one.

you have the right to go seek out other people, while not breaking this one off.

especially if you're long distance.

someone that dumps their entire heart into a relationship and then the relationship goes bust, and they end up with nothing and crying alone in the corner... are idiots.
blind love, only hurts you in the end. you can't count on being the small minuscule percentage of people who have a fairytale love story, where it's 100% pure and works out 100% for the rest of your life.

and fuck everyone else that says you don't care about her because you didn't tell her.

if anything you CARE more. you still value that feeling of love you have for her.

if you didn't give two shits, you wouldn't even be asking us for advice, you'd just be banging other (many more) chicks and you'd keep her around but tell her off when she got too suspicious or annoying.
THATS not caring.

secondly, girl #2 right now also knows what she's getting into. she's in the exact situation as you are.

plus, humans are capable of loving more than one person at once.
i definitely know i can.

to figure out who you wanna keep you just gotta figure out who you love more. and who's better for your life.

to figure out who you want to express your love to... well you can do it to both of them.

a girl that loves you wont dump you because you expressed love for another woman. she'll accept it and move on instead of being possessive and pissy. and if you love her more, at the end you'll end up with her too.

and the same action and ideology would be applied toward her from you, if you truly loved her (whoever she may be).

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Old 03-23-2012, 09:30 PM   #41
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all i gotta say is this to the rest of you:

for you all that disagree with me, and are in "stable long term relationships".

what if you one day found out that your significant other was "cheating" (in whatever way) with someone else?

a fling, an affair, or whatever you can come up with.

you'd be shocked and probably cry your eyeballs out and probably flip the fuck out.
some of you guys would probably cut the significant other out.
or some of you guys would confront her and get all pissy
or confront the guy and get all pissy.
or confront both.

the fact is you guys would be shocked and have this feeling of insecurity and betrayal.
the reason you guys all will have this feeling is because reality did not meet your expectations (a fantasy).
when you realise your expectation was an illusion and it gets shattered, it will hurt.


what if your SO cheated not because they were SEEKING to cheat.
but because the other person was charming and was able to pick them up?

what if the other person was a person like me? or the OP?
just a guy with a gf (or more), but at the time it felt right and somehow both parties were able to seduce and charm each other just enough to slip into the cheating zone.

what if when your SO found out you knew was horribly sorry and realised she loved you more. what if she cut that "other" person out of her life?

don't lie to yourself and the entire revscene saying you'd never cheat. you don't know that. and to assume that would be foolish. everyone has desire, everyone is able to be charmed. you guys just havent met the person of the opposite sex (or same sex if u swing that way), that had the skill to charm you. everyone has a price (or charming point).

so... are you guys going to forgive your SO, or tell them to fuck off and cut them off?

for all of you that choose to break up. you guys are retarded.
it's not a chronic problem, everyone slips up and fucks up.
you will be confronted with this dilemma one day as well. and you might "fuck up" too.

get over it. its just sex. it's not like your SO hasnt ever had sex with anyone else ever in their lives. they weren't tainted after those other people, why would they be tainted while you guys were in a relationship?
get over your egos.

if they KEEP falling for other people then you have a problem.
they probably dont love you and will eventually just break it off with you anyway.
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Old 03-23-2012, 10:59 PM   #42
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well worth the read, very valid points !
I would've never thought about it as deep as you.
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Old 03-23-2012, 11:07 PM   #43
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Youre a genius ulic... everything you say just makes me think of not just both sides of the story, all fkin 3 or more sides
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Old 03-24-2012, 07:45 AM   #44
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Ulic. Yeah, I get the point you are making. To a point, I agree with it. Maybe I'm a cynic as my parent's marriage ended after he came home and said, "Yeah, I've been seeing this woman for 6 months, and I feel like I'm in love for the very first time." Then found out in a rural community, she was practically our neighbor.

So I get both sides, as the next thing that happens is we've lawyered up and suddenly lawyers become tools of hate.

So I get the idea of, everytime this happens do we need to sell off everything we own and pay ridiculous money to lawyers when it happens in so many marriages and all the time and so on.

But here's the deal...if you can't sit this woman down and tell her straight up, I want to open this shit up and at least be honest, then everything becomes lies and justifications. And its not the physical act of sex that really pisses people off. It's the lies! At least for me. You asked, how would I feel if it was happening to me? Ok. I'd give a little shit about the fact that she got with someone else, but WAY pissed when I thought about what lies she would have to tell me to buy her time to fuck, and whatever other deceptions to keep everything to herself.

That's the part that pissed me off with my father. It wasn't the act of sex. It was the fact that he turned into a douche and was lying to fucking everyone! It was the fact that as a result of his lies, everyone in our community felt they had to stay out of it so they continued his lies. Then he has his epiphany that living with the fat bowl cut broad in the trailer is the way to go and you just sit there and realize how stupid everyone was to what was actually happening.

I can't remember exactly, but I believe you have alluded to having ladies on the side here on rs before, yes?
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Old 03-24-2012, 09:18 AM   #45
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^ noted. so...all I have to do is tell you before I go out and we be cool? and ya know...since monogamy and loyalty is an illusion and you have agreed...its really not my fault?

damn. this weekend is going to be FUN!
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Old 03-24-2012, 12:13 PM   #46
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Quote:
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^
yes.

cuz one day, your "great" girlfriend is going to pull some shit like this, and you're going to be crying on revscene.

when in fact, if you take on my perspective, you'd be less hurt.

no rational human being can disagree about the fact that it IS an illusion, and it is egotistical and possessive.

it's like not wanting to share a candy bar with your buddies. why?
honestly WHY? cuz you're possessive. it's MINE. MINE MINE MINE.

when in fact, she's not yours. she's no bodys, and everybodys. whoever she chooses.

whoever YOU choose for yourself as well.
When I get in a relationship, I make a commitment up front that if I'm going to start something with another girl, I'm leaving this relationship first. And I don't move forward with it unless they make that same commitment. If in your relationships you've stated that you're going to have some fun on the side "nothing personal, it's just human nature baby!", then that's a whole other story. But if you've made a promise and break it, then continually lie about it, then you're a jackass. It's not even about the relationship anymore, it's about the kind of person you are that nobody can trust you to keep your word.

If they ended up cheating on me, yeah I'd be hurt but you know what, I'd eventually be okay. It just means I found out they aren't someone I wanted to be with in the first place, no hard feelings. I look for a specific type of person to be with and that's someone who has the self-control and personal standards that they wouldn't do something like that.

Maybe the difference is also in what we're looking for in a relationship. I'm not just in it for a good time. For me it's all a long term trial period for something permanent, and if I don't see it moving towards that, I cut my losses and gtfo. I'd rather be single as I don't have time to screw around. I have a career to worry about and certain things I want to accomplish in a lifetime. With the level of commitment I throw into my relationships, it necessarily cuts into both these things (for one thing it means I can't suddenly move to another country), so it has to be worth it.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:35 AM   #47
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I've been in a relationship for 8 years+ with my ex and he cheated me on numerous times. Trust me, she will find out and when she does, the damage is traumatizing. Don't be the guy that fucks up everything for her.
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:59 AM   #48
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Ulic Qel-Droma you always come out and about and pull some random shit, sometimes it's epic, but in this situation, i can't side with you for some reason.
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Old 03-25-2012, 01:31 PM   #49
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OP. you are straight alpha brah. keep up the great work, don't get sucked into that "oneitis" like the rest of these beta's. nag one more if not two , keep your options open my main man. don't let "emotions" get the best of you, get with as many girls while you can. alpha man, just alpha.
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Old 03-25-2012, 03:07 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by dinosaur View Post
^ noted. so...all I have to do is tell you before I go out and we be cool? and ya know...since monogamy and loyalty is an illusion and you have agreed...its really not my fault?

damn. this weekend is going to be FUN!


I think relationships should be open and honest. Right now you're making decisions for your current girlfriend: everyone should know about what's going on and left to make their own decisions. You know what's going, your having fun. Your girl no.2 knows what's on, and she's having fun. You're currently girlfriend? Not so much. If everything was out in the open, and things fall into place, I believe that's the strongest way to build relationships. The most likely scenario is that she'll break up with you . That's the consequence of trying out a new relationship. But who knows? Maybe she's in the same situation. Or maybe you're important enough to her that she'll wait. You won't know unless you let her make that decision. But she doesn't have that right right now because your pussy'ing up and not telling her the truth. You're out trying to pick up other girls because you can't man up and tell her that you can't make up your mind. Make choices. Accept and embrace the consequences. With great risk comes great reward, no? You're risking a stable relationship for this new girl- she better be worth it then, right?

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