[Confidential] Girlfriend cheated, trying to hide it

[El Bastardo]

The following is a post from an anonymous Revscene member. If the anonymous original poster would like to reply to the thread, please PM or email me your replies


It's unfortunate I had to find this out from one of her friends who couldn't keep it from me.

Anyways, there's a guy I knew from highschool. We haven't talked since, but he talks to my girlfriend sometimes. Nick and my girlfriend Jess have had a past, sort of. Jess wanted to go out with Nick a few years ago before we started dating but was rejected. She told me she didn't know why she liked him and said he's a bad/dumb guy anyway. He went away to work and invited her to stay for a day before (he has a girlfriend). Recently he came back and they've been talking more.

Now, our 3 year anniversary was recent, and apparently this happened within a day or two. They went somewhere until 2:30 am and I had no idea she went somewhere. Her friend didn't show me that part, just showed me that he started putting his hand around her and they began kissing passionately and it led to sex in the car. She said she didn't feel guilty at the time and didn't even think of me. To make things worse, she said it was the most passionate kiss she's had and probably the best sex. Ouch.

If you know Jess you'd never expect this. She's neglected all of her friends to spend time with me, spending hours a day to see me. She's the type that loves romance, always talks about marriage and spending the rest of her life with her love, always crying, overly emotional, etc. Innocent.

However, she hasn't told me anything because she doesn't want to hurt me. But now I know she's been hiding something. A few days ago, something that I did know about eventually, he took her to a work event thing, and she told me the next day. I accused her of wanting to see him because he came over the next day with another guy to try to recruit her for Amway. Her friend told me she tried to kiss him but he didn't care (duh, he's a cheater). We talked today after I found out about the sex and I pretended I didn't know. She said from now on she'll tell me everything - which tells me she's been hiding something. I know she's feeling guilty now.

While I'll admit things have been out of touch (busy working on something), I'm not sure if I can forgive what she did in the car. I also feel extra humiliated because I know the guy and they're both in a relationship. That's just way too far.

I'm probably seeing her tomorrow and I'm going to avoid any kisses/touching/etc. and say something like, "Someone else has been there recently" and see if she'll finally break out and explain.

Should I try talking to the guy and ask him why he did it too?

I really want to forgive, but I don't think I'll be able to... unless maybe both of them apologize but I doubt.. who does that? Any thoughts or similar experiences?

[smoothie.]

maybe you should start saving for paying for his kid's college.

[H.Specter]

dump, no contact, and move on.




sloots gonna sloot.
srs

[dmak4]

If she didn't end contact after the first time then it's time to move on. The fact that it happened should have ended it either way in my opinion
Give each others things back so no memories laying around (assuming you guys share a decent amount of things seeing how it's been 3 years) and move on.
Oh and don't ask the guy, clearly he doesn't care about what he's doing to others. You'll probably just end up feeling worse confronting him.

good luck

[too_slow]

How trust worthy is this friend that gave you the story? I would start by saying smth along the lines of "something's been bothering me.. your friend told me that you both got it on in the car... why would she say smth like that? what is her intent? i hope she doesn't want my ass.. LOL.." and listen to her side of the story before declaring a verdict?

[rsx]

Leave her dude. Not worth it.

Once the seed of mistrust is sowed, it'll just grow in a might tree of insecurities, jealousy, etc.

You deserve much better.

[dbaz]

sooo she said she has no idea why she likes the guy, admits hes bad yet, still fucks him. then goes on to brag to her friend about how good it was. then he starts showing up at her place, where she attempts to kiss with him more? i wouldnt waste my time with her anymore, end it

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Reply to too_slow:
Her friend is one of 2 people she trusts. I was told this because she thought I deserved to know. Gf's cousin is the other person that knows (also a friend, but of course he's going to side with his cousin).

[Gridlock]

No no...this can totally be salvaged. Sounds to me like a girl that is really invested in a relationship.

And add to that the class of being in the back of the car? She's a keeper bro.

Srs? You know this isn't going to work, so now you are trying to justify a way to make it work because you aren't ready for it to end.

Well, she is. She ended it when she took the end. You know. Fucked him.

She's just waiting for you to call it.

[dinosaur]

How old are you guys? Do you have thoughts about marrying her? Spending the rest of your life with her? Kids? BEFORE all this happened? Were you on that path?

If the answer is maybe\no\too early on\not there yet\etc....walk away and don't look back.

If the answer is yes and you think this is something you can work on and forgive, then it is up to you. You need to remember that when you forgive, you will need to forget! This is like when people say, "I'll forgive, but never forget". It ain't an option. To full move forward you need to go through a rough patch together...talk...learn to trust, etc but after that, you can never bring it up again as it will ALWAYS suck you back down to this level. No bringing it up during a fight...no throwing it in her face when your pissed....no questioning when she goes out. IF you can do that and IF you are willing to put A LOT of hard fucking work in, it COULD work.

If you can't.....DTMFA

One last thing to think about: People don't cheat when they have what they want at home. Something ain't right with your relationship.

[Culture_Vulture]

While cheating per se is not a deal breaker for me (especially when you consider things such as long distance relationships and biological/emotional needs of people), cheating while in a happy relationship, with an old flame, WHILE your SO is emotionally and physically already there for you? Fuck that.

Dump her ass and move on.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

I've realized I've left out a bit that might be important. The past week or so, we've been a bit quiet (not kissing much except for small pecks for goodbyes or having sex because of that time of month). But at the same time I've also been busy with some work and she's been busy with midterm(s). I want to say it's me neglecting her (which I admit I've kinda been doing, she complained to the friend that I stopped hugging her and letting her "touch me"), but I guess that still doesn't make up for what she's done. Ugh.. why him?!

dbaz: She said those back when he said no, maybe to justify the rejection? I don't think they did anything when he came over that time. He came with a work partner to try to sign her up for Amway.

dino: We're in our early 20s, and yes, we've had those kind of talks. She's also met most of my family on both my mom and dad's side (some out of province) and everyone loves her. That makes explaining things such a hassle... That last bit could be it... her friend said she just might be lonely/neglected. Sigh.

We'll see how things go when she comes over tomorrow. If she still won't admit anything then it's a definite no. If she does, then we're going to have a long talk and if she wants to stay I'm going to ask for a lot of changes (and tell her to apologize to the dude's girlfriend, yeah).

[dinosaur]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but there is a complete lack of maturity and therefore, I would agree with everyone else. You are young and from what I can garner, you are both just starting out in life (school, living at home, etc...). This isn't worth it. Move on.

You don't fuck someone else to get attention from your bf...you talk to him about it. You can attempt to claim partial responsibility all you want for "neglecting" her...but she chose her actions. You had no say in it.

[van_city23]

damn, sucks to be you. After 3 years this happens but she kept contact with him... if that was me, i would question everything about her, suck it up and dump her, get over her and get on with life. Have too much pride and a big ego to keep her.

[H.Specter]

lol give this sloot another chance?

good luck with your being cheated on again goals of 2013.

[too_slow]

Sounds like you have solid 'evidence,' even if the two colluded to make you guys breakup for whatever reason.. There really is no point to have that level of drama in your life. Cut your losses, change the locks, throw all her s*it in a bag and tell her "it's not me, it's you.." and move on..

Less than 30 days till summer, get your own goals sorted and start heading to the beach and make friendly chat with some tittties.. err hotties ..

[MeowMeow]

Man I wanna say something
But everyone above me has said it all

Move on I had few friends who had cheating girlfriends (also cheated with close guy friends)
And let just say didn't really end well
Doesn't matter if they forgave their gf, at the end they got super stressed out by the fact entire city's new gossip was revolving around them

[dlo]

Originally Posted by rsx

Leave her dude. Not worth it.

Once the seed of mistrust is sowed, it'll just grow in a might tree of insecurities, jealousy, etc.

You deserve much better.

dat metaphor... but srs fk her lol cheats on you and still have contact wit the guy? lolwut

[gdoh]

give her the boot, there are so many other women

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

well sounds like she already day dreamed him till he was on a pedestal.
she's romanticized him in her head and he was priority before you, and then now she had the chance to fuck him. she did.

and she thought it was more passionate and best fuck ever cuz of what i said above. and perhaps he is that good.


i duno man. sounds like you're always gonna be second to me.

she did exactly what i'd do. and i'd do it again.

her "heart" is with you, but her idealized romance is with him.

[stewie]

my early 20s I was living with a girl.

found out she was cheating on me while I was out with my friends a few times...c'mon...when I find a condom wrapper of a brand I don't use at the top of the garbage can in the bathroom...its a dead give away.

next day, she went to work, I called in taking the day off, moved everything I owned out. cut all ties with her.

not worth it. move on.

[Recon604]

why the hell do you still want to forgive her after she fcked another guy that you knew about?

u got to be kidding me rite nowwww...

fuck her, leave her, let her slutty ass rot to hell.

you honestly want to spend your rest of your life with her, knowing she cheated on you before?

FAWKKK herr, shes not the one!

[too_slow]

[QUOTE=Recon604;8255068]
fuck her,QUOTE]

I'd probably leave this one out... Oh and go get tested..

[Jegz]

Sucks to hear OP. As for some advice.. cut that ho off

[E.D.C.5]

I know I've said this once and I'll probably say it again in the future but...

Dinosaur, you're my hero. LOL.

But jokes aside, trust is a very important thing in a relationship. If the other person betrays its, you're going to constantly doubt on their words and actions, and in the end shits going to hit the fan. Unfortunately, I'm speaking from previous experience (I was in your situation).

Be the man and move on. She ain't worth your time if she does this behind your back.