Does anyone else ever feel sad as hell?

[Marco.911]

This might be the wrong place to post. Hell this probably isn’t even something to post on RevScene. I hardly ever post and I don’t belong to any other forums but sort of wanted to just get something off my chest.

I’m in my 30s now and I’ve been a workaholic for over ten years. I’m now at a place where I’m making a really good living however I’m depressed as hell.

From the outside my life looks pretty good. I’m living in a beautiful condo (rented), I have a business that just recently this year sort of exploded and made some great money (not able to retire money but definelty significant), my wife is pretty cool, no kids or anything, I stay in decent shape and I have a lot of really great people around me.


Thing is. I’m super depressed and sad and actually pretty angry.

I feel like even though I’m doing well right now financially, it’s a business where anything can happen.

Quick backstory, I made a few million in my 20s and got really cocky and then my business at the time failed and I lost everything.

So now, this time around, I’m being really cautious. I want to save the bulk of my money now so that I can just be okay IF things don’t pan out. The challenge is that I’m sort of stuck because my friends, great people and all, are all doing way better than I am. While my friends are the type that wouldn’t care if I was making $50k or $50m a year, I personally compare myself to them.

I want to achieve more and do more. I’m also mid 30s and I’m feeling like I’ve worked and sacrificed a lot and I’m not having a lot of fun. My friends are all doing all these fun things and I keep preventing myself from having fun because I think “I’ll travel more once I’ve saved $x amount of money etc”

I haven’t really talked to my friends because I don’t really know what to say. They’re inspirational to me and I never would have been able to believe in myself and push myself as far as I have if it wasn’t for them.

I remember when they told me I could make $x a year and that they believed in me and I was like “me? No way!” At the same time I’m still feeling so small compared with them. I also know what it’s like to lose everything and at my age now, I don’t have a pension or even a home! I want to be smart about things and yet I feel like life is passing me by.

My business also is very up and down so it’s not what I would call a super stable type business. Aside from the financial side of things. I feel lonely. I work a lot. Like 90+ hours per week. I also have a team of people that are with me daily as workers but not so much as friends. As the leader I have to be positive and strong all the time and I feel like I don’t really have anyone to lean on.

Sure there is my wife however I’ve been like this for a while and it’s straining on her to see me somewhat depressed etc.

I don’t know if it’s a midlife crisis or am I just depressed?

I want to say that if I make $x or save up $y I will be okay however I’m not so sure that’s the answer. I guess I just feel alone. I find myself sometimes wanting to just run away from my life or I get really self destructive thoughts like just going to see an escort or hitting the bottle (I rarely drink)

Anyway thanks for reading and most of all if you’re also someone that’s feeling like this all I can say is that if you’re in DT Vancouver and you saw me, you’d never guess so please don’t feel you’re alone. Thanks.

[snake]

Talk to your doctor. Mine gave me Citalopram. Worked for me. And watch Happy Netflix.

Alcohol and illegal drugs only makes things worse.

[twitchyzero]

work less and join in on your friends doing all those fun things?
doesn't have to be traveling, just simple things after work that isn't escort and getting piss drunk

we all have the same amount of hours a week...you spend pretty much all of it chasing paper and sounds like it's wearing you out

[Gnomes]

I think you already know what is the source of your depression/crisis. Recognizing it as a problem is the first step.

I have a friend who owned a franchise who spent as much waking time in his shop. Exhausted and marriage crapped out due to his changed behavior and him never around. Exhaustion took a toll on his mental wellness. Made him more irritable. Drove people around him away.

Whatever you're going through, wish you the best.

[Euro7r]

Sounds like you need work and play time to balance a bit more proportionally. As you run your business, there's not that option to take vacations like a normal working employee is able to; however, I suggest to find some free time say when business is usually slower to take some time away for personal. What good is all this money that you make if you can't enjoy some of it?

[JqC]

A lot of what you said in your post seems to revolve around money. Being ambitious and surrounded by career-driven people in downtown Vancouver I suppose it's hard to not be thinking about work and money all the time.
I used to focus a lot of my energy on money, the next paycheque, the big sales and bigger bonuses, etc.
Eventually at some point my perspective on how I want to live my live sorta changed. I remember reading the story below a few years ago and it had stuck with me.

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

I try to remind myself that feeding your soul is just as important as putting food on the table. That means different things to different people of course.

To the outside world I'm just your average 30-something year-old trying to play adult. Nothing spectacular to write home about. Yet I'm pretty thrilled with how my life has turned out so far, and I'm excited as hell for the future.

We've never met, and I'm no way in hell a therapist, but feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat or shoot the shit over a coffee. Hopefully some of this input here can help kick you out of this rut.

[Infiniti]

Based on what you've stated, it appears that you lack an appropriate work/life balance.

[Marco.911]

Honestly wasn’t sure what to expect however I am really grateful for all of your posts and comments. You’d think at my age and what I’ve been through I’d come with some more wisdom.

I totally agree with all of your comments. It sounds like many of you decided to find an avenue more fulfilling before it sort of took over your well being.

[VR6GTI]

You only live once might as well enjoy it

[PeanutButter]

Happiness is a hard thing to achieve depending on your characteristic.

I'd be curious if you could take this personality test. I have a feeling you're a certain type of personality, which makes it difficult for you to be happy. This is a pretty famous standard personality test that most fortune 500 companies make their executive team take.

https://www.16personalities.com/

It's a short test, but i feel it will really give you an insight on who you are. Once you figure out who you are, you may be able to diagnose the problem yourself.

I feel i'm in a similar boat to you. I'm happy at times, but other times life is stressful. Living in this city and comparing your life to the lives around you is really tough.

I'm still working on that journey and I hope I can become truly happy one day. It's just hard to find that thing that makes you happy.

Good luck!

[fliptuner]

Originally Posted by twitchyzero

work less and join in on your friends doing all those fun things?

we all have the same amount of hours a week...you spend pretty much all of it chasing paper and sounds like it's wearing you out

No amount of money will buy more time.

[Gerbs]

What are your friends doing that are "fun"? That you aren't

[welfare]

90+hrs?!
Sweet baby Jesus

[Marco.911]

Wow. Thanks everyone for your comments. I’m really grateful for them.

I think some of it stems from my wanting to provide a great life for my wife. She’s always been there for me and when her friends get to go to this trip or that trip my wife sort of gets left out.

We have a great lifestyle and she deserves it. I guess I want to be better for her and also for my friends as well. I also agree with the comments above about balance or maybe letting go of everything.

[SkinnyPupp]

I remember when you used to post a lot, and I remember thinking you were pretty much the exact opposite of me. Particularly I have this memory of these $400 swimming trunks you posted about that looked absolutely ridiculous, and you thought how awesome they were...

Thing is at that time, i was very unhappy, and you seemed pretty happy. I have been dealing with depression my entire life, and I'm in my late 30's now. I am in a pretty good place now, with occasional bouts usually caused by incidents that happen - deaths in the family, bad things happening to friends, etc.

The #1 thing for me was realizing that money is absolutely irrelevant. More does not make you happier, it just means you can waste it on stupid things like $400 swimming trunks.

When I changed my goals to basically make enough to get by in life 'just fine' I am already better off than 99% of the population. Sure I can't buy those dumb looking swim trunks, and maybe I can't travel as much as I'd like to, I have friends and family and pets around me that make life enjoyable. There are plenty of enjoyable things to do that don't cost a lot of money - working out is fun for me, hiking, eating out at interesting but not ridiculously priced restaurants, or better yet cooking for myself and family, brewing specialty coffee, etc.

Anyway that really helped me.. along with exercise and TRT, I was able to get off anxiety medication and I think things are pretty good now. For anyone struggling, I'd recommend to think twice about money and how important it is. Nothing I say will convince them of this, so maybe there is some better specific advice out there. For me it just happened over time the more I thought about it.

Edit: I want to add that this is why I think a Universal Income is so important moving forward. It will allow people to worry about just being a person first, and doing what they want from there. If your goal is to make a lot of money for whatever reason, you'll be able to do that. If you have the same drive to work really hard at something, but don't want to worry about money, maybe you will spend that time being a really good artist, or get into photography that people enjoy, or become a popular twitch streamer, or anything really. Even just being parent who has a lot of time to devote to their children.

Maybe you just have the drive, but haven't thought of somewhere to direct it since you've been distracted by money and other people who have bought into its importance? Maybe figure out something you really like, and just get really good at it while spending enough time on 'work' to take care of the basics.

[welfare]

Originally Posted by Marco.911

We have a great lifestyle and she deserves it. I guess I want to be better for her and also for my friends as well.

But what do YOU want?

[Hehe]

Haha... reading this post is like looking at myself in the mirror 5-6yrs ago.

I made good money because I work a lot... used to fly on a weekly basis and spent probably 70% of my time abroad working.

If I got depressed, I went shopping... if I shop, I needed more money.. so I work more. Whe I had more money, I bought more/better stuff because one is never satisfied. If you have a CK, you want a LV, but when you have a LV, you want a Hermes... and I worked and worked so I could have all the flash toys.

It all stopped when my son was born. The whole material thing no longer means anything to me. I was happy just being able to come home, wash bottles and change his diapers every night.

I eventually quit my job even when my boss agreed to offer me 2x the pay with bonuses that would clear me over 500k if I worked as hard as I used to and a whole pkg of free stuff (free Bimmer? check, free house/rent or mortgage support... check... etc)... because no one in his office worked as crazy as I was and it had an effect on the team... but none of those mattered. I just wanted to stay with my kid.

I'm not suggesting that you go bang your wife tonight and get her pregnant... but I'm saying that you need to find a purpose. A purpose that motivates you to move forward, to wake up every day and to be better and better.

If you can't find a purpose... life would be shitty no matter how good your life become. On the contrary, if you have a strong purpose... no matter how shitty life is... you'd always find rewarding whatever you do.

[$_$]

Post hits way too close to home. Trying to start, continue, or expand a successful business is a constant uphill battle. At the end of many days, I question why I do it at all. Always looking forward to that "retirement" number so I can start "living my life". It's not really a way to live. All the sacrifices that I've had to make.

I have no friends, family are far away, not even that interested in relationships anymore and just stressing everyday about keeping the company afloat is making my hair go grey. Wake up, work, try to stay healthy and hit the gym, repeat six days a week.

I'm hoping it'll all be worth it in a year or two. And if not, maybe I'll just quit and get a mcjob and live a simpler life.

Good luck to you, money isn't everything.

[CharlesInCharge]

OP, you should move in to take-care of your parents, then have a kid to learn the same.

How OTHER People ��See YOU?! (dance like no ones watching)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6LLo6DzhvE

This may have also been your quote I believe... poor is the man that needs the permission of others for happiness.

[nah]

There was a C Suite at my old work that passed away from brain tumor at a youngish age in his mid 50s. His biggest regret on his death bed was that he worked too much and didn't spend enough time with his kids.

[GS8]

We carry a metaphorical scale with us where we try to balance all the baggage in our lives.

Ultimately it comes down to time or money. Balancing both is tough. I found through my life that the way to balance everything is to shed the baggage until everything can fit on the scale. Some would call that sacrifice, I call that a diet for the soul.

Hell this reminds me of what happened last week. I got a call from my work telling me they promoted me while already hiring a replacement for my old position. I didn't even say 'yes' or 'no'. I make $50 more per day in my new position but now I have to learn a ton more things and maintain them. I just did one week of it and found it exhausting. I'd rather work for lower pay and have more time to myself. As long as I live with financial responsibility, I'll be fine and can enjoy many of life's other offerings.

I mean seriously, what the hell are we after in our lives? Death is inevitable so do you want to slave away in a vortex of nonstop monotony and live with regret 30 years later? Or just dial back a bit and be able to enjoy the simple pleasures?

Then again, I've been battling a disease for a few weeks now. This also alters my perspective on reality.

Neglecting one's physical and mental state will only cause harm to yourself and those around you. Not too late to make a change.

Good luck

[SkunkWorks]

On top of what's been said - stop comparing. You'll only ever be second best if you compare yourself to others. There will *always* be someone wealthier/happier/fitter than you.

Thanks for the post. Takes a lot of courage to step up, reach out, and make a positive - and likely significant - change.

[nah]

YOLO - try to always to keep that in mind.

[Mr.HappySilp]

I think one thing you feel stress is because you see your friends having parties, buying expensive shit and just living the life on social media (FB, IG, Snapchat) and so you felt pressure about it.

People on tell/post/brag about those things, but in the background they could be working harder, more stress than you. They just don't show that side to you.

I have friends who always ask how I can cook such awesome food (I post them online). But to be honest I ONLY POST the good stuff. There are many many fail attempts, and many more came out tasting like shit before I get that perfect one. Then it goes online. People just don't see that.

Maybe take a step back and enjoy life, go on a trip with your family? I mean you can never ever make enough money in this world so is important to have a balance life.

[MSREE]

Hi! First I'd like to say it's awesome that you posted and the replies in here are really uplifting.

In my opinion, money isn't synonymous with happiness. I myself struggle with depression related rage outbursts and it affects my relationships with people. I dont have a lot of friends and my social life is inactive. I no longer drink or do drugs so I guess it makes me restless and mean? I have no "outlet" for my rage, not even hard cardio works anymore... and it used to work very very well. I'm on my second year of not being able to work due to illness and I think I've been super angry about it and it's definitely showing in my behaviors.

I've found in even my darkest moments, living a life based on gratitude helps a lot. Basically, you wake up and think out loud THANK YOU for 3 things.....then increase it by 1 every day.
1. Thank you I woke up and I am alive.
2. Thank you that I have a roof over my head.
3. Thank you for the ability to move around pain free.

In today's age, people are obsessed with the chase so it's easy to forget the things we do have and are lucky for. Instead of thinking of what you lack, you should be thankful every day for what you have and the Universe will grant you abundance in those things.
You can literally be thankful for anything and everything you have. You can be grateful for the sun that came out, for your car, for your license, for the food you ate, the toilet you shit on.
When you reprogram your brain in a state of gratitude, you don't have time to be miserable. While there are people who are out there who have more.......remember equally there are those who indefinitely have LESS than you.

Do you feel you are living your purpose? We all have one. What's yours? What really drives you? What are your values? What makes YOU happy?

I know you want to provide for your wife but in the end, you need to take care of you before you can really in all sense of the words take care of another. Maybe try a self development class? Or a retreat?

There's tons of people out there who feel the same because they lose sight of what's really important. I don't believe happiness is a destination... more like a choice that we have to make every single day. Happiness is the journey, not the end game. Find out who you really are and what you're passionate about then ride that motherfucker into the sunset.