TOTEM POLE SEEDS OMG!!!

I lol'd a bit.

I had someone ask me how to use a screwdriver.....i wasnt sure how to describe iot..i also had someone ask how to plug something into an electrical outlet...and these were both over the phone

umm...

Don't you guys have Singrish? Like your own version of English with different accents. (I didn't make it up, many Singaporean refer to it as that.)

I was riding my bike along the side of the road, got bumped by a buddy of mine, fell off. THere was a little embankment on the side of the road, so I fell down that (with my bike, of course), and I get all scraped up and I'm making pain-sounds.

The question I get asked? "Hey, man, you alright?"

I still think he's bitter over how much I yelled at him for being a fucktard that day.

this is from the buy and sell on revscene

buyer "how low will u go?"
me " 1 dollar but doesnt mean im gonna sell it to u"

me "idiots"

A friend knew I was asian, but didnt know that I fell under the colour reference as "yellow".

friend: "You're Yellow?!?!??!"
me:yeaaaaa... about that...

Me: Crazy Mike's Video...Mike speaking
Customer: Are you Crazy Mike ?
Me: Yes....yes I am. WAHGAAAABAMBAZAAAM !

hahah i love it.

super hot chick: "do you want to come in for a cup of coffee?"

When I did delivery I got this question way too many times for my liking.

Me: "I have a package here for xx"

Person: "Wow, what is it?"

Me under my mouth: "How the fuck should I know, you ordered it"

^^^ hahaha i was over at my friend's house one day and a package came for him from ebay and he asked the delivery guy the same question.. cept he didn't say it under his mouth.. he said "how the hell am i supposed to know?! " lol... i was lmao and the delivery guy gave me this weird look ahahahaha

i asked some chick to come to a new years eve party... she asked what day the party was on... :|

Vancouver Olympics 2010

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, the following are some questions people the world over are asking!

These questions about Canada were actually posted on an International Tourism Website.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, We don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

i used to work at latitude at oakridge. this middle-aged couple came in and ask me:
woman: do you carry gap jeans?
me: no, this isn't the gap store.
woman: yes, but do you still carry them?
me: the gap store is right across from our store. (wasn't exactly right across, but it was damn near close)

I work with Ebay all day, believe me, I get some stupid question. Americans flaunt their genious everyday. :(

That has absolutely NOTHING to do with the thread. You need to learn how to read.

Am I missing something here?

Hahaha, yes, the post was deleted apparently.

*edit* either that or I went crazy and am shitting on my own post.

"Oh, so you're Oriental then? You're not Asian?"

"Oh hello, im looking to make miso soup, you look to be asian, you must know how to make it!"

(so tempted to say back to the lady "your white, can i borrow ur grand master green dragon KKK hat for holloween", but had to be nice while working at a grocery store years years years back...)

Stolen from the barista community from livejournal....

a quickie i heard while i was on bar the other day that made me laugh hysterically (on the inside ... honest)

WTF = stupid customer.
M = barista on reg.
Ma = shift.
B = floater.
me = ... me.

WTF: so, you guys gotta tell me - how much is your coffee passport?
M: um, our what?
WTF: the coffee passport. you know, you've got it out here.
Ma: ma'am, we don't give away or sell our coffee passports.
WTF: but you were just talking about them! i really need one!
B: -walks in- huh?
WTF: why can't you give me a coffee passport?!
M (completely dumbfounded by now): i'm surprised you know about them. honestly, they're not for retail sale.
Ma: yeah, they're used to train new employees. they're little booklets that tell about all our coffees. if you're looking for a specific coffee, we can help you out.
WTF: wait ... you mean it's not a coffee machine thing?
M, Ma, B, me: uh ... no.
WTF: no. you can't be right. i mean -walks across store and grabs a french press- this thing. a passport.
-we all look at each other-
Ma: ma'am, that's ... a french press.
WTF: ...
B, M, me: -indistinguishable snorts and giggles behind the counter-
WTF: well then. that's what i meant! you should have known that!

-headbar-

That wasn't that funny, its pretty common.

How is it common? Confusing a passport for a French press?

argh, at my office building some freaking normal ass who walks in up to the 3rd floor, we (security) kick him out saying this is a private building etc. and he goes, "what the hell is your problem?" "why you keep the doors unlocked then?"

WTF?!