The Official No Need To Start a New Thread, Thread

[spoon.ek9]

Originally Posted by 68style

Your situation sucks ass though, you are paying into something you have ZERO control over in a family situation... it's not even an investment you're living in at this point, all the costs and none of the benefits (decor the way you want, privacy, etc). I'd want to get out of that if I were you too.

I was about to say the same but you covered it. Splitting a mortgage on a house at his income was not a good idea at all. Had it been on his own terms in a place he could afford to mortgage and maintain himself, he'd had been in a much better situation. Of course, this means no garage and no comforts of living in a house but well, can't have everything unless you can afford it. I'm still without a garage and I have two cars (renting one spot). It is what it is.

[westopher]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

I asked my HS friend who was the first to have a kid, at 28 years old, if he had any expectations for their kids to work in STEM or business. Or would he financially support his daughter for life, if she chose arts or anything low paying that she liked to do but didn't support an independent living.

Curious what y'all think about this.

He said as a father, it's his duty to financially support her through whatever endeavors even if it makes $40-60K/year in Vancouver. He only felt this after having his first kid, before having kids he thought they must make $150K and be independent for them to be successful and be proud. This is now thrown out the window.

My goal is for my kid to never HAVE to take out a loan.
Schooling, living expenses while in school, transportation, etc.
if she wants to live life with fancy shit and a BMW that she can’t afford, that’s her decision and she can totally do so, but she will never be fucked for housing, education, or being able to take some time off work and not worry about dying because of it. If I can do more, great, but that’s the goal for the bare minimum. I’ll absolutely do more if I can, but I really wonder what the world will look like financially in 20 years. Will we be paying for housing or in some Soviet style housing while AI robots enjoy regular houses. Will the human race even exist in 40 years? Will we have run out of food? I have a feeling things will look very different, for better or worse by the time our kids are adults. Status quo isn’t working.

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

I found it extremely difficult to find a partner who was pro-actively able to understand the discipline necessary to save a DP + pay for their kids schooling. They didn't pay for school or saved for their DP themselves so it robbed their ability to plan how to save for their kids future.

... Interesting ...

[Badhobz]

Originally Posted by westopher

My goal is for my kid to never HAVE to take out a loan.
Schooling, living expenses while in school, transportation, etc.
if she wants to live life with fancy shit and a BMW that she can’t afford, that’s her decision and she can totally do so, but she will never be fucked for housing, education, or being able to take some time off work and not worry about dying because of it. If I can do more, great, but that’s the goal for the bare minimum.

Awww. You’re a good dad. Just like most of the people here. I’m sure all you guys are great dads. Too bad the internet and society in general is conspiring against your valiant efforts.

[noclue]

I thought gwai lo kick out their kids at 18?

[spoon.ek9]

I think that used to be the case. Nowadays, you're sending them to the streets if you do that. Asian cultures it's always been pretty common for kids to stick around up until 25-30. I suspect more and more young adults of this age group are doing the same because of how high rent can be.

[GS8]

I know people who make around $100k but since they can't ever be close to SFH ownership, they just splurge it all away.

They won't move either, because that lake they visit 1.5 times a year won't be there when they move.

Normally, I'd say 'whatever makes you happy' but they'll still...complain...

By contrast, a friend of mine is renting an older SFH in North van, Seymour Heights School neighbourhood. He's paying $4500 a month without the basement and he doesn't complain!

[noclue]

Gen-Z has an awful mix of instant gratification + pressure from social media. Max their credit cards to go on international trips frequently, line up for the trendy new spot in town, or buy that hyped item you saw from your favorite influencer on reels. When you dont swipe with a credit card or pay with cash and instead it's all a tap on the terminal or a button on the app you lose track real quick. Just like how casinos do it.

[mikemhg]

Originally Posted by westopher

My goal is for my kid to never HAVE to take out a loan.
Schooling, living expenses while in school, transportation, etc.
if she wants to live life with fancy shit and a BMW that she can’t afford, that’s her decision and she can totally do so, but she will never be fucked for housing, education, or being able to take some time off work and not worry about dying because of it. If I can do more, great, but that’s the goal for the bare minimum. I’ll absolutely do more if I can, but I really wonder what the world will look like financially in 20 years. Will we be paying for housing or in some Soviet style housing while AI robots enjoy regular houses. Will the human race even exist in 40 years? Will we have run out of food? I have a feeling things will look very different, for better or worse by the time our kids are adults. Status quo isn’t working.

Damn dude, wish I had a pops like you.

I got fucked over hard

[Traum]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

tbh, I think now knowing what I know via living through it.. I'd rather go back to renting and investing my money elsewhere instead lol. Buying a principal property as "an investment" because at least "you're not paying someone else's mortgage" was a dumb idea. Now I also gotta deal with the broken furnace, water tank, installing security systems, panel fix (cause smt blew for good and all the lights dont work lol) and pruning trees (which are a constant hazard). Do all these things on the DL and it affects your home insurance. Do it properly and it costs an arm and a leg. Renting was much easier lol.

IMO you made a decision to purchase a home / get into a house. The decision had (hopefully?) been arrived at given the best information and future expectations you had at the time. Nobody has the gift of 100% accurate foresight, so it makes no sense to fault yourself now for the decision that you've made in the past.

Had RE pricing continue to skyrocket, you'd be super thankful that you had bought your house, despite all the required maintenance and fixes that you'd have to do as the home owner.

In many ways, I feel the same as you do too. My on-going home maintenance costs are far too high, as measured in financial terms, physical labour terms, and time requirements. In perfect hindsight, when le wifey and I started looking to upgrade from our dink 700 sq-ft apartment, I should really have stretched the extra $15 - $20k on an offer for a 900+ sq ft unit at the same building we were in. That would have been enough space for our family, and I wouldn't be having the forever mortgage that I have on my back now. And had I simply got into the apartment instead of the house, I can probably afford to retire at least 10 years earlier than I would now?

But I know I can't look at missed opportunities like that. As I was saying -- nobody has the gift of foresight to always pick out the most optimal path.

Originally Posted by EvoFire

I fully expect to have to help with downpayment for my kids if it comes to it.

I am already saving into their RESP for post secondary schooling.

I'm fully prepared to have both kids live at home until their 30s. The numbers of feeding them at home isn't that bad when I need to feed myself anyways. Discretionary spending though, that's on their own.

Do I want them to be making 100k+ and be financially self sufficient? Of course. Is it the end of the world if they chose a field that matters to them but only make 60-80k? That's ok as well. As long as no one is blowing their money on hookers and blow.

Evo pretty much took the words straight outta my head. Well said.

Originally Posted by spoon.ek9

I think that used to be the case. Nowadays, you're sending them to the streets if you do that. Asian cultures it's always been pretty common for kids to stick around up until 25-30. I suspect more and more young adults of this age group are doing the same because of how high rent can be.

Don't Greek and Italian culture always look after their family too? And I am always under the impression that at least a portion of Hispanic culture also does the same.

[westopher]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

Damn dude, wish I had a pops like you.

I got fucked over hard

My dad was a fucking piece of shit. Bailed 2 weeks after I was born. Pretty sure he did the same to a second family but I don’t really know. My wife knows more about him than I do. I don’t like to bring it up to my mom cause I don’t want to put her through it.
Stepdad one was super violent and a coke head, step dad 2 was a good guy but not much of a father figure. Him and my mom split up as it was just 2 people going different directions in life. Step dad 3 (can’t really call him that as I was already legally an adult) killed himself.
I’ve had my fair share of teachings of what not to do. Just doing the exact opposite of everyone lol.
My mom is awesome though. Always put me first, maybe to a fault, never had the money to bankroll my lifestyle but always helped make sure I had a safety net. Same thing with my grandparents. Amazing people that taught me about taking care of family, and even my great grandma on my grandmas side was like that so I’ve got 3 generations before me of always being there for their kids for their entire lives.

[Gumby]

That's interesting - sounds like your mom and her side of the family were all raised well, but your mom's choice in men wasn't the best...

[westopher]

Yeah I think the first 2 were bad choices. The second 2 were bad luck. Both good guys, one wrong place wrong time, and one just had demons. I get it. I don’t blame anyone who chooses to take their own life, there’s a whole lot going on in someone’s brain we don’t understand.

[mikemhg]

^Hey man, we all have our coked out toxic partner phase.

My mom had mid-life jungle fever

[spoon.ek9]

I won't say too much but my mom single handedly handicapped the trajectory of my entire life. Having good parents is not a guarantee for many of us, unfortunately.

[GS8]

Main reason I don't want kids is because of my parents

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by westopher

My dad was a fucking piece of shit. Bailed 2 weeks after I was born. Pretty sure he did the same to a second family but I don’t really know. My wife knows more about him than I do. I don’t like to bring it up to my mom cause I don’t want to put her through it.
Stepdad one was super violent and a coke head, step dad 2 was a good guy but not much of a father figure. Him and my mom split up as it was just 2 people going different directions in life. Step dad 3 (can’t really call him that as I was already legally an adult) killed himself.
I’ve had my fair share of teachings of what not to do. Just doing the exact opposite of everyone lol.
My mom is awesome though. Always put me first, maybe to a fault, never had the money to bankroll my lifestyle but always helped make sure I had a safety net. Same thing with my grandparents. Amazing people that taught me about taking care of family, and even my great grandma on my grandmas side was like that so I’ve got 3 generations before me of always being there for their kids for their entire lives.

That's a rough upbringing. Good for you for still having kids yourself and doing them right.

[westopher]

Honestly it’s some bumps in the road. My family that is still around was so exceptional it probably just averaged out to a normal upbringing haha. Just a lot of extremes either way.

[68style]

I grew up marshmallow soft compared to you bro as far as demented stuff goes... I mean we all have our tough times but it's all relative... my toughest thing besides your normal bullying and fights and shit was growing up with zero examples of love and parents that should have divorced but never did just spewing toxicity about each other every day... that wears on you, but it's not outright violence like you had to endure.

[spoon.ek9]

psychological trauma is big too man. i remember growing up hearing about couples who stayed together "for the kids" but it was toxic af like in your example. that really doesn't do any favours to your kids to see such hatred between family. i always felt like divorce would be a better option if everyone could just be mature, move on, take good care of your kids, and be happy again. obviously not ideal to split up but i have to imagine it's better than near daily arguing.

personally, if i ever have to split with a partner, i'm doing it. i appreciate peace too much to live under such tensions. it's not worth my mental health!

[Badhobz]

Yeah my parents are the classic case of people who stayed together but shouldn’t have. Bunch of losers, both of them. I hate both my parents so thanks dysfunctional childhood. Also westophers story is like the whitest story ever. No fucking way you would see 3 step dads in an Asian kids childhood. His mom must be hot.

[GS8]

Alcoholic father and bipolar mother here!

Life was basically a lithium battery in the washing machine

Dating was tough:

Her: So tell me about your family

Me: Uhhh

Her:

[westopher]

I think most people our age had some kinda fucked up upbringings. Gen X and boomer men were pretty often pieces of shit. I’d say like half of my friends from high school had some variety of deadbeats or abusers, physical or emotional for fathers.
You see plenty of the other end of the spectrum where the dad was around and bankrolled the shit out of his kid but treated his whole family like shit, or the one that didn’t pay for anything and stuck around and treated his family like shit. Or there’s the kids who had great fathers and lost them young due to illnesses. I think maybe 1/10 people end up with a somewhat non traumatic upbringing. Life’s fucked up and bad shit always happens, but good shit does too. Just gotta do your best to focus on the better stuff or you’ll end up off the side of the lionsgate. I figure most of us should be in therapy for something though lol.

[SkinnyPupp]

You guys can probably guess what my parents were like

I remember when I was still shitposting all the time and someone said I must have been raised by some sort of animals and that shitty insult was actually an eye opening moment for me

[spoon.ek9]

One of my friends who I met in grade 7, I was absolutely shocked when he told me his parents never spanked him once. I was stunned, he's also Chinese. My 13 year old brain could not comprehend a life where parents didn't spank their kids ever lol.