You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.
Vancouver Off-Topic / Current EventsThe off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum.
mikemhg - You've made it to 40 with a source of income that allows you to work remotely and travel the world. You have your health and no other cares in the world, besides this fork in the road with your girlfriend. Many are not so lucky.
So, what do you really want out of life? It's a simple question, but you'll get some clarity after answering that. You don't need a therapist to do that for you, unless you've got some deep seated fears or insecurities you need to talk through and discover.
So anecdotally the difference of moving from Cali to Texas was 50% off on RE, but I've also heard property taxes and just general cost of carrying the property is significantly higher in Texas. So for your cousin, what's the spread look like? At the end of the day, after say 20 years and the kids are finally out of the house, do they end up saving anything?
On a percentage base, CA property taxes are lower. But you also have higher property prices, so the difference was nil. But the problem is that their investment are all in TX. But CA collects taxes based on both residency and tax generation location. The 5m figure was something their accountant calculated based on a conservative projection. I was thinking to move out of Canada based on my calculation of 2m. Let alone 5m like them.
LOOK AT ME IM MIKE AND I HAVE A BIG HOG AND I DRINK TEQULA AND WORK OUT AND LISTEN TO CHARLI XCX ON THE BEACH IN BERMUDA
Grow up fuckin Peter Pan and get a good nights rest.
Dude I was MARRIED and getting the baby ultimatum and went through it ALL... why am I not like other guys that just love having kids maybe she's right maybe I'm selfish maybe maybe maybe... but no matter how many times I tried to sit down and rationalize it out or convince myself, I came to the same vision of my future... she was at her heart a very easy to anger person who would ice you out for an entire day if literally anything didn't go to plan... thin lips, no talking... and fucking nothing goes to plan when you have kids... and I didn't see that changing, so I saw my future being one of those guys just silently pushing a baby carriage around doing a thousand yard stare. No thanks.
It took me almost 2 years to work up the courage to walk away from it and tell myself that I was doing the right thing despite the fact we got along okay and that it wasn't all my fault etc... disappointing family and friends with divorcing and stuff... it really sucked. You have nothing but empathy from me.
People are just taking turns in the soap opera. Least of your worries!
Any of your mentors do shift work and have a family with children??? Their input will be very relatable to you. Say you have a kid, is gf going to continue with her current position and keep picking up overtime or is she going to change into a mon-Fri 9-5 type? If it's the former, it'll turn into 99% of the time you will be caring for the kid. If it's the latter, child care will be more even, but your household income will take a hit. Lots of different costs associated with a kid, but daycare alone is 600-1300 a month. (I didn't include the $10 a day ones because they're next to impossible to get into)
feel like ive been away from this subforum for years
mike i'm glad you're sorting things out and getting counselor involved
has she not lived with you for some time? why would you need to go public blue book to verify her income?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerbs
Girls just don't naturally think about saving and investing. Most girls have guys who pay for > 60-100% of things. We're playing two different roles in the world of relationships.
is this a generational thing or perhaps you're attractive to this type?
financial prudency ive seen more in women than guys
Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: North vancouver
Posts: 14,101
Thanked 35,255 Times in 8,496 Posts
Failed 235 Times in 183 Posts
I disagree with the childcare thing about the 9-5. My wife works a rotation and we get
A) more time alone
B) more time each solo parenting
Than any of the 9-5 families we know. I work Wednesday to Saturday (flexible) 10 hour days and she works two days 2 nights.
I get at least 2 days a month alone with the kid at daycare. Probably 3-4 days solo parenting, she gets several days a month solo with the kid at daycare, 3-4 days solo parenting.
We also get 3-4 days a month alone together while the kid is at daycare.
It’s so much better than 100% of your time being at work or family time. You get some freedom, some time to bond with your kid alone, and some time alone for your hobbies. It’s really good and I see the parents who spend 100% of their non daycare time as a family and they get so stuck in a rut because 100% of their identity is just parenting. They really become boring people.
People ask how we do it, but I just laugh and say man we’ve got it easy.
__________________
98 technoviolet M3/2/5
Quote:
Originally Posted by boostfever
Westopher is correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fsy82
seems like you got a dick up your ass well..get that checked
Quote:
Originally Posted by punkwax
Well.. I’d hate to be the first to say it, but Westopher is correct.
Dude I was MARRIED and getting the baby ultimatum and went through it ALL... why am I not like other guys that just love having kids maybe she's right maybe I'm selfish maybe maybe maybe... but no matter how many times I tried to sit down and rationalize it out or convince myself, I came to the same vision of my future... she was at her heart a very easy to anger person who would ice you out for an entire day if literally anything didn't go to plan... thin lips, no talking... and fucking nothing goes to plan when you have kids... and I didn't see that changing, so I saw my future being one of those guys just silently pushing a baby carriage around doing a thousand yard stare. No thanks.
It took me almost 2 years to work up the courage to walk away from it and tell myself that I was doing the right thing despite the fact we got along okay and that it wasn't all my fault etc... disappointing family and friends with divorcing and stuff... it really sucked. You have nothing but empathy from me.
Fuck. Thank you man. I really mean it.
This is exactly the thoughts I'm going through.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1
In Mike we Trust
Quote:
Originally Posted by westopher
LOOK AT ME IM MIKE AND I HAVE A BIG HOG AND I DRINK TEQULA AND WORK OUT AND LISTEN TO CHARLI XCX ON THE BEACH IN BERMUDA
Grow up fuckin Peter Pan and get a good nights rest.
It can change too, I'm with someone now that I could have a kid with and I don't feel afraid of anything besides my age and energy levels and health... I haven't changed, but the energy of the relationship is totally different and the personality involved is totally different.
I drive a 30 year old truck so my wife can carry a monyat
Spoiler!
no body knows wtf is a monyat is out here and if you quickly glance at it, it looks like some A brand goyard
__________________ There's a phallic symbol infront of my car
Quote:
MG1: in fact, a new term needs to make its way into the American dictionary. Trump............ he's such a "Trump" = ultimate insult. Like, "yray, you're such a trump."
bcrdukes yray fucked bcrdukes up the nose
dapperfied yraisis
dapperfied yray so waisis
FastAnna you literally talk out your ass
FastAnna i really cant
FastAnna yray i cant stand you
It’s all perspective. My cousins in Dallas were living in Orange County. But after they did the math, where they would likely have paid nearly 5m+ until kids go to college, they figured they could spend that 5m elsewhere than give it to the government who spend it on things they don’t exactly agree with.
So they voted with their feet. And their house in Dallas, which is just less than half the price of their house in OC is twice as large. Sure they now need to turn on AC 24/7, but for 5m, that’s a lot of AC.
But how many times a year does there power go out.
Texas is a shithole. A lot of people who moved to texas are now leaving. A bunch of comedians who moved because of rogan all say it sucks.
N
Can you elaborate what are good values to finances to look for?
What if she's really into not spending but in turn, has zero desire to make money. Happy with P/T work $35-40K/year, no expenses and lives at home.
"good" values are different for everyone. you're better off talking to a financial planner for that.
But regardless of what your situation is, two people should have the same goals around your desired lifestyle, and both agree on the plan to get here.
Things like:
- How many hours a week should we be working
- What kind of lifestyle do we want, and how much money do we need to make it happen
- Are we having kids
- Do we want a house/condo, should we rent/own, etc...
- What's our tolerance for risk when it comes to investing
Etc etc
thinking about the situation you described, and my own experience, i'll just say this as a general rule across many things:
if one person's actions result in the other person being resentful, that's a bad sign for a relationship to survive long term.
You're not supposed to have these feelings when you're confident you are making a good life decision. Your mind's defense system is going full defcon.
Cold feet is one thing but endless uncertainty and the barrage of 'what if' scenarios isn't how happiness typically plays out.
I'd walk away but it's not up to me. There's a slippery slope i see here.
You don't want someone who's first emotion to express is anger. It's super unhealthy and the older that person gets, the less likely they'll reform their behavior.
God damn. The RS real estate thread. It gets damn real in here.
I don't have anything useful to say Mike, but best of luck figuring this out.
---
On another note: I think you guys gotta give Astulzer a break. That's the way his brain works. And he's happy!
Look, he red-flag yellow-flag green-flagged his way into his relationships in the most efficient way possible, and now they hold office hours for each other. He found his people. Are you going to tell him he has to be like you and wind up with an inferior being, and then he's miserable?
For shame! What is wrong with you people!!
__________________ Geriatric Motoring Club Member #37
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvoFire
I need to be reliably within 10-15mins of a baked pork chops rice with lemon tea.
Relationships are honestly a rainbow of colours, and every possible gradient in between, plus all the shades of gray.
At one point in life I questioned if I would ever find some one, and questioned how are all these couples working out. What works for one won't work for some one else.
Mike is going through some tough shit, and you know what, he feels safe to talk about it here and I think that's amazing. We've become part of his support group whether if he needs us poking holes into his life or not. Sometimes, one doesn't even need solutions, they just need to be heard and some one to listen.
Mike, best of luck in figuring out your relationship with your gf.
On a side note, it is great that people show the courage to talk about relationships on a open forum. Fuck real estate. The past few pages of posts have been more interesting than this thread's topic haha.
It takes guts to open up and show vulnerability to talk to strangers about personal issues.
Take care of your mental health too Mike. I find from past experience that saying things to people in person or sharing your thoughts online to people is very therapeutic and beneficial for your mental wellbeing.
Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Ricemond
Posts: 13,086
Thanked 14,905 Times in 5,569 Posts
Failed 542 Times in 295 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by RabidRat
God damn. The RS real estate thread. It gets damn real in here.
I don't have anything useful to say Mike, but best of luck figuring this out.
---
On another note: I think you guys gotta give Astulzer a break. That's the way his brain works. And he's happy!
Look, he red-flag yellow-flag green-flagged his way into his relationships in the most efficient way possible, and now they hold office hours for each other. He found his people. Are you going to tell him he has to be like you and wind up with an inferior being, and then he's miserable?
For shame! What is wrong with you people!!
Fag !
P.s I love all my brothers on here. Even the faggoty ones.
In this day and age everyone needs some support and given the prices of professional counseling and their half assed easy answers, I frankly think it’s better to bounce ideas off RS.
__________________ Geriatric Motoring Crub Member #444
On a side note, it is great that people show the courage to talk about relationships on a open forum. Fuck real estate. The past few pages of posts have been more interesting than this thread's topic haha.
It takes guts to open up and show vulnerability to talk to strangers about personal issues.
Take care of your mental health too Mike. I find from past experience that saying things to people in person or sharing your thoughts online to people is very therapeutic and beneficial for your mental wellbeing.
feel like ive been away from this subforum for years
mike i'm glad you're sorting things out and getting counselor involved
has she not lived with you for some time? why would you need to go public blue book to verify her income?!
...
I've found couples (bf/gf, common law, or married) have different ways to handle the household finance, all which can work.
1. share all money in 1 bank
2. each person has separate accounts and then 1 joint account
3. each person maintains their separate account
the general goal that's met is that the main bills, like shelter, food and utilities is paid for then all is good with no need to know exactly how much the other is making.
Quote:
Originally Posted by westopher
I disagree with the childcare thing about the 9-5. My wife works a rotation and we get
A) more time alone
B) more time each solo parenting
Than any of the 9-5 families we know. I work Wednesday to Saturday (flexible) 10 hour days and she works two days 2 nights.
I get at least 2 days a month alone with the kid at daycare. Probably 3-4 days solo parenting, she gets several days a month solo with the kid at daycare, 3-4 days solo parenting.
We also get 3-4 days a month alone together while the kid is at daycare.
It’s so much better than 100% of your time being at work or family time. You get some freedom, some time to bond with your kid alone, and some time alone for your hobbies. It’s really good and I see the parents who spend 100% of their non daycare time as a family and they get so stuck in a rut because 100% of their identity is just parenting. They really become boring people.
People ask how we do it, but I just laugh and say man we’ve got it easy.
I need to make some assumptions for this scenario.
1) everything is done between the 3 of you and zero help from friends and in-laws.
2) your wife is 0700-1900 for Day shift and 1900-0700 for Night shift.
3) your flexible for what days your work, but you work 10 hours straight and can't just walk away to do something for the kid and go back to work.
So in the scenario, it's a weekday, kid has daycare 9am-5pm, your wife has a day shift is out the door by 6am and home by 8pm. Wife's got zero opportunity to help with pickup/dropoff for the kid, that leaves you only. You drop off the kid at 830am, then head to work to start your 10 hours at 9am, It's now 7pm, but you were suppose to pick up your kid 2 hours ago from daycare. This scenario is even worse when the kid is in elementary school because they're out at 3pm. You'd be 4 hours late to pick them up.
In the scenario where your wife works a night shift is a little easier to make work but it's rough on her. So she works the night, gets off at 0700, stays awake to drop off kid for 9am, go home, eat, shower, sleep, then get up again to pick up for 5pm, stay awake and get ready to go again for night shift. When it's elementary school, that sleep time decreases by 2 hours to pick up at 3pm instead, but she's likely to still stay awake until she needs to return to work at night.
I'd be interested in hearing how the timing of things works for you in real life.
It seems common for 2 parents who work 8 hours a day mon-fri have offset start times, so 1 parent does the drop off and the other does the pick up.
They should be for sure. An NP is as useful as a GP and maybe 3/5ths the cost. They should be everywhere.
i think the next gen/younger nurses getting masters is more popular so it can happen more. i think older/experienced ones wanting to invest the time / money for masters and then take on responsibility/liability of a NP is going to be a labour of love/want of career advancement. i recall talking to my wife once what she thought about it, seemed like the juice isn't worth the squeeze in her case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerbs
Can you elaborate what are good values to finances to look for?
What if she's really into not spending but in turn, has zero desire to make money. Happy with P/T work $35-40K/year, no expenses and lives at home.
i think it's stepping back and seeing if you're ok with each others' contribution, and what the life goals are. eg. if you both don't require much in life in material/money-wise then maybe not an issue. if you have a home already and say you want a family and she'll be raising kids etc it may not be a factor.
if you or her expect vacations around the world annually, private school for kids, mansion in the british properties etc, that could be a problem.
me personally i'd like both me/partner to be in the same tax bracket where 1 is not necessarily going to benefit from splitting up with the other (mind you i don't know a thing about divorce law) with as much equal skin in the game as possible.
if i had to do it all over again i'd keep finances separate, maybe a shared low limit card/bank account to pay common bills. i'd also be weary of someone in huge debt and inheriting/taking on said debt.
as i get older, outside of ppl cheating/living wild & single, i've seen it's the partner's family and/or finances that causes marriages to fail. maybe also the pressures of parenthood, which could be associated to those 2 as well... i thought you marry the person and not the family...NOPE - that baggage comes with, whether you like it or not.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
