REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum


Welcome to the REVscene Automotive Forum forums.

Registration is Free!You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

Relationship & Gender Discussion THIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE!
The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-28-2015, 03:52 PM   #20551
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
 
Gregboat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Maple Ridge, BC
Posts: 189
Thanked 91 Times in 43 Posts
A resident in trying to pick up people in relationships? lol

I thought this thread is for addressing your problems, venting and getting advice.
Not getting creeped on by randoms....

Gregboat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2015, 04:23 PM   #20552
bcrdukes
 
TOS'd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Café
Posts: 9,430
Thanked 5,331 Times in 1,631 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregboat View Post
A resident in trying to pick up people in relationships? lol

I thought this thread is for addressing your problems, venting and getting advice.
Not getting creeped on by randoms....
The reason for Speak it Out is to actually set PK-EK up with someone, whether that be someone from this thread or outside of RS.
__________________
Posted from NE 1-J W Inglis Building

Quote:
Originally Posted by bcrdukes View Post
To quote the most misunderstood individual and figurehead on Revscene:

"I am a changed person."

- TOS'd
TOS'd is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-28-2015, 04:31 PM   #20553
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
 
Gregboat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Maple Ridge, BC
Posts: 189
Thanked 91 Times in 43 Posts
Poor PK-EK....

#Godbless #Praying4u
Gregboat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2015, 09:24 PM   #20554
Rs has made me the woman i am today!
 
Akinari's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,337
Thanked 5,164 Times in 1,375 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by FunkyColdMedina View Post
Why let her cook then? My GF and I are the opposite. She is really good at/loves cooking... and I absolutely suck at it and hate it. So she cooks and I clean. It's only fair. Taking advantage of the other person's strengths FTW
She thinks my cooking is bad although I actually follow recipes and when I don't, it's a recipes that I more or less have in my head lol
__________________
[13-03, 11:25] MG1 when you hit the brakes, it shoots cum at pedestrian - bukkake

[12-03, 19:06] meme405 That e30 is so mexiflushed I thought we were in albuquerque

[12-03, 23:03] rb when i see a modded element. I have nothing but respect. either the parents kicked him out or the guy is killing hookers in the back
Akinari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2015, 01:43 AM   #20555
I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
 
pinn3r's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Vαncouver
Posts: 1,509
Thanked 5,279 Times in 603 Posts
Just found out that my friend's boyfriend cheated on her... Ouch

And in that instant, my problems became frivolous
__________________
pinn3r is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2015, 11:52 PM   #20556
I STILL don't get it
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: .
Posts: 451
Thanked 153 Times in 56 Posts
6 months ago on my birthday my partner told me that he tried to knit a scarf for me, but it was really complicated pattern and he'd never done it before and he got busy and couldn't finish it. I ended up not getting a birthday present, which wasn't a huge deal but it would have been nice to receive one. He's busy with school, I get it. He says he'd finish it by Christmas, Christmas rolls along and it's not finished. I joke that I'll get it on my next birthday and he promises* to have it done way before then. Flashback into the present and I'm quite sure he hasn't knitted at all. I poked fun at him (passive-aggressively, I know, go me, always the best thing to do in a relationship), but I stopped after Christmas because I don't want to be a nag and I thought I'd let him do it on his own time.

Sometimes when I think about that scarf, my thought process goes like this:

1. He has so much time to do other things, like Monster Hunter, but he can't find a couple hours between September and now to finish it. Sure I won't need to use any scarves until fall/winter, but he was the one who said he would do it. I didn't pin that on him, he said he would so he should just f'ing do as his promised.

2. F* this shit, I'll just tell him to give it to me and I'll knit it myself. Sure I don't have much time to do it and I'll probably get it done in September, but at least if I have it then it's on my onus to finish it and it would most probably get finished if I do it.

3. I wish he would care more about me. It's great to receive gifts and I've given him plenty. I can hardly count how many he has given me. I know I should just be happy that I have a great boyfriend, but I like getting stuff too. Taking the care to create something shows love. You don't need to be creative. You just need to motivated. And I can't see him being motivated to do many things to make me happy. He doesn't seem to be motivated to do very much these days except for playing mahjong.

4. Well, it's hard to knit. I don't know how either and it may be pretty hard to do. He's pretty stressed with work and doesn't want to think to much and just relax. I haven't made anything substantial for him. Just a few cards. Who'm I to say that he doesn't get me presents when I don't do much for him too. I can't really cook and he cooks for the both of us, albeit rarely, but still he does it and we use his kitchen too and we make a mess.

5. I'm just being too selfish. Just forget about it. There's no need to tell him, it's just a big fuss over nothing. Take a deep breath and forget about the scarf. I might get it on my birthday, or never. Don't hold a grudge. Just move on. Stop being a little bitch and being so needy. \

I get kind of down right about now. I should just talk to him openly about my feelings right? But I can't understand whether I'm being unreasonable or my feelings are valid. The recurring thought I have is that my feelings are not valid, they're petty.

Though none of you know the extent of my relationship, can anyone give it to me straight: am I a little bitch?

tl;dr: boyfriend promises to make me a scarf, doesn't end up doing. I get frustrated because I don't want to nag but I still want to get what I want. I feel like I'm just being a little bitch. Am I?
etodac is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 12:23 AM   #20557
無敵
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,319
Thanked 406 Times in 150 Posts
^ You'll be okay, people all have needs. It really just ties to him bringing it up out of no where and then disregarding it completely, right? It sounds like it's not what the "object" is, it's a matter of principles.

Are you guys pretty young?

Some guys are just really wishy washy, or just plain forgetful.

It looks like you've gone through majority of the stages of acceptance. But it'll keep bothering you until that scarf is made, if it is.

You should just tell him how you feel since it's been bothering you for so long and see what happens.

---

All I hear is words being spoken. Until I see it, I don't believe it.

Most people are simply superficial at this age, a pretty face can hide all sorts of secrets.

Who cares what people think. If it makes you happy, then it makes you happy, right?

After reflecting with so many people, there's so many ideas and thoughts running through my mind.

Something I've wanted all my life may not be so unobtainable after all.

Tired of waiting. A new year, time to take control. Direction. Risk. Chance. Inspiration. Opportunity. Future.
__________________


Last edited by muteki; 03-30-2015 at 12:29 AM.
muteki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2015, 01:38 AM   #20558
My AFC gave me an ABS CEL code of LOL while at WOT!
 
Fafine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,448
Thanked 1,390 Times in 459 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by etodac View Post
Though none of you know the extent of my relationship, can anyone give it to me straight: am I a little bitch?

tl;dr: boyfriend promises to make me a scarf, doesn't end up doing. I get frustrated because I don't want to nag but I still want to get what I want. I feel like I'm just being a little bitch. Am I?
Yous a bitch son,
Quit being a little girl. Youre a man act like one.
Its just a scarf. Let it go.
Fafine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2015, 10:39 AM   #20559
OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Tres Ciudades
Posts: 5,407
Thanked 3,679 Times in 1,522 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by etodac View Post

Sometimes when I think about that scarf, my thought process goes like this:

1. He has so much time to do other things, like Monster Hunter, but he can't find a couple hours between September and now to finish it. Sure I won't need to use any scarves until fall/winter, but he was the one who said he would do it. I didn't pin that on him, he said he would so he should just f'ing do as his promised.

Have you ever played Monster Hunter? One minute it's "5 more minutes then i'll wipe and i'll go sleep." Then it's 4am on a Saturday morning, you realize that you lost your job, lost 20 lbs, your pet died cus you haven't fed it in a week, you're paraplegic cus you've been sitting on the toilet for a week and your face is plastered on the side of the milk carton cus you've been MIA for a week. Yeah, it's that kind of game.

But seriously, that's a ridiculous amount of thought process for something so small. That's pretty much what starts fights. Shit gets brought out and little things gets amplified. If women could just not give a shit about stupid little things...the divorce rates would probably be lower.

This sums its up perfectly:

Last edited by 6o4__boi; 03-30-2015 at 10:45 AM.
6o4__boi is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 11:00 AM   #20560
Need to Seek Professional Help
 
Tone Loc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 1,036
Thanked 1,820 Times in 501 Posts
Agreed with the other two above me. It's a scarf... not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things IMO.

The fact that this is the "big problem" in your relationship should make you thankful, really. He's not cheating, not doing shady things, or involved in something you can't reconcile with (dealing drugs, for instance). He's working hard and probably doesn't have time to knit.

Nagging him about a gift, keyword being "gift" is stupid and pointless. And it also is a little bit selfish. Who cares if you buy him gifts, you do that on your own choice and volition. So don't be using that against him the moment something goes wrong. It sounds harsh, but it's true... I don't know why so many females play that same card the moment something goes wrong... "I did X for him but he won't do Y". Your actions do not license you to a reciprocation. Otherwise every single white knight would be drowning in poon because they're so nice to girls. It sucks, I know.

Nobody's perfect.
Tone Loc is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 11:03 AM   #20561
Proud to be called a RS Regular!
 
Exc3L's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 100
Thanked 58 Times in 14 Posts
Well it is a small thing, but if it leave it and can't stop thinking about it, it'll end up leading to more fights.

Since you're in a relationship, shouldn't you be open enough with each other to discuss things like that?

At least, you'll be able to move on from it after hearing what he has to say.
Whether there is no scarf, or there is. You'll at least stop thinking about it and questioning it, once you know his answer.
Exc3L is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2015, 02:59 PM   #20562
NEWBIE ACCOUNT!
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: under a bridge
Posts: 13
Thanked 11 Times in 6 Posts
it's not about the scarf, it's about the lies

okay, jokes aside now...
it's something he'd said he would do. he made a promise. promises are not made just to be broken.

yes, it is a scarf and nothing more, but it represents another underlying issue that has to be taken care of:
he simply doesn't respect you and/or the relationship enough to honour his own word.
this is showing that he has real commitment issues. if you know you cannot do something or cannot keep a promise, don't say that you will. just don't. be honest about it. admit that you have no intention of actually doing it. don't promise something, break the promise, then act like you're still going to keep it.
whether or not he finishes the scarf, the fact of the matter is that he doesn't seem to view his promises towards you as anything of great importance. that has to change.
otherwise, not only will you not be getting a scarf, you will not be getting a good, fulfilling, committed long-term relationship either.

Last edited by Parts > Hearts; 03-30-2015 at 03:08 PM.
Parts > Hearts is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
This post FAILED by:
Old 03-30-2015, 03:23 PM   #20563
OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Tres Ciudades
Posts: 5,407
Thanked 3,679 Times in 1,522 Posts
Quote:
he simply doesn't respect you and/or the relationship enough to honour his own word.
this is showing that he has real commitment issues...that has to change.
otherwise, not only will you not be getting a scarf, you will not be getting a good, fulfilling, committed long-term relationship either.
whoa whoa whoa, back up there.
that escalated quickly. Chill the fuck out.
This is the single most fucking annoyingest thing with women. They take things and over analyse it to death. So we just went from a scarf to commitment issues? yeeeesh.

No, that's not showing commitment issues. I don't know the guy but as a guy who gets annoyed with this type of shit, here's my 2 cents.

The most likely situation is that, the guy just can't do it because its too fucking hard or whatever. And guys can attest, sometimes we feel bad about not being able to do something so we just don't say anything about it in hopes that she forgets about it. It's not that we don't have the balls to tell you we can't do it...if i had to guess he probably feels bad he can't do it, too fucking lazy to do it and doesn't wanna tell you because he doesn't wanna deal with aftermath...or shit along those lines.

It's really more basic than it is, so do yourself and him a favor and don't over analyse it.
6o4__boi is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 03:38 PM   #20564
NEWBIE ACCOUNT!
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: under a bridge
Posts: 13
Thanked 11 Times in 6 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6o4__boi View Post
whoa whoa whoa, back up there.
that escalated quickly. Chill the fuck out.
This is the single most fucking annoyingest thing with women. They take things and over analyse it to death. So we just went from a scarf to commitment issues? yeeeesh.

No, that's not showing commitment issues. I don't know the guy but as a guy who gets annoyed with this type of shit, here's my 2 cents.

The most likely situation is that, the guy just can't do it because its too fucking hard or whatever. And guys can attest, sometimes we feel bad about not being able to do something so we just don't say anything about it in hopes that she forgets about it. It's not that we don't have the balls to tell you we can't do it...if i had to guess he probably feels bad he can't do it, too fucking lazy to do it and doesn't wanna tell you because he doesn't wanna deal with aftermath...or shit along those lines.

It's really more basic than it is, so do yourself and him a favor and don't over analyse it.


please do yourself a favour and actually try to understand what I am trying to say.

it's always the small things that escalate into big things.
it is necessary to catch these habits early on in a relationship or a friendship between two people. if A thinks it is fine to essentially hide their true intentions (ex. of not wanting to finish something they'd said they'd do) to B over something small and B accepts it, A will only take it that it is not a problem at all to avoid taking responsibility for their own words/actions/promises. sure, it may be something small, but it is always small things that build into habits that later on involve much more serious situations. it may be a scarf this time, but what about next time? it could be a date. an important event. an anniversary dinner. a meeting with the parents. a vacation trip. it could even be a pregnancy.

it is not about whether or not you have the balls to tell the truth. what is important is that your ego should not be prioritized over a commitment with someone important to you.
admitting that you done goof'd and that you couldn't keep a promise will show that you aren't just all talk. it'll show that promises actually mean something to you, but it just so happens that you couldn't keep it.
it is much worse to pretend to want to keep a promise when you have no intention of actually doing so.

if you are in a relationship with someone and you are currently guilty of this, please kindly do your partner a favour and admit that you cannot keep whichever promises you've made. this will save them the heartache of finding out you were hiding your true intentions from them and will save you the headache of having to repeatedly coming up with excuses.
Parts > Hearts is offline   Reply With Quote
This post FAILED by:
Old 03-30-2015, 03:44 PM   #20565
OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Tres Ciudades
Posts: 5,407
Thanked 3,679 Times in 1,522 Posts
What are you, a 16yr old girl? I'd put my money on girl at least.
God, you must be a chick because that shit was so long i didn't even bother to read it.

You clearly have no idea how men think.

The past exchanges pretty much speak for themselves. Small shit...AAAAAAND its a big deal worthy of a blurb.


and pardon my language but this, seriously? Thanks for proving my point.
Quote:
it may be a scarf this time, but what about next time? it could be a date. an important event. an anniversary dinner. a meeting with the parents. a vacation trip. it could even be a pregnancy.
utter fucking bullshit

Those are different situations sweetie, they're not all the same. There is no umbrella term or umbrella. Just because this happened to this specific thing doesn't mean it'll apply to life's next challenge.
Holy fuck, maybe i'm feeding the troll but holy fuck.

Last edited by 6o4__boi; 03-30-2015 at 03:52 PM.
6o4__boi is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 03:47 PM   #20566
NEWBIE ACCOUNT!
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: under a bridge
Posts: 13
Thanked 11 Times in 6 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6o4__boi View Post
What are you, a 16yr old girl? I'd put my money on girl at least.
God, you must be a chick because that shit was so long i didn't even bother to read it.

You clearly have no idea how men think.

The past exchanges pretty much speak for themselves. Small shit...AAAAAAND its a big deal worthy of a blurb.
and here we see a single male in his natural habitat.
Parts > Hearts is offline   Reply With Quote
This post FAILED by:
Old 03-30-2015, 03:56 PM   #20567
OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Tres Ciudades
Posts: 5,407
Thanked 3,679 Times in 1,522 Posts
proves my point.
I heard the 24 is looking for loonie writers to fill their columns for idiots who need relationship advice.
Might look good in your resume when you can apply for jobs when you turn 16.

single male haha

you have no idea. I rmbr when i was 12. You've got a long way to grow up buddy.
Talk to me when you're done puberty and have some real world experience.
6o4__boi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2015, 04:35 PM   #20568
無敵
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,319
Thanked 406 Times in 150 Posts
And so females don't understand males, and males don't understand females...

Don't know why some people complain about being single, when they can't realize the other party's feelings when they're in a relationship.

Relationships are all about give and take. Everyone sees appreciation in different ways and forms. If there is so much doubt, it'll surely break at some point or another.
__________________

muteki is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 08:09 PM   #20569
MiX iT Up!
 
tiger_handheld's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: vancouver
Posts: 8,068
Thanked 2,043 Times in 849 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by etodac View Post
6 months ago on my birthday my partner told me that he tried to knit a scarf for me, but it was really complicated pattern and he'd never done it before and he got busy and couldn't finish it. I ended up not getting a birthday present, which wasn't a huge deal but it would have been nice to receive one. He's busy with school, I get it. He says he'd finish it by Christmas, Christmas rolls along and it's not finished. I joke that I'll get it on my next birthday and he promises* to have it done way before then. Flashback into the present and I'm quite sure he hasn't knitted at all. I poked fun at him (passive-aggressively, I know, go me, always the best thing to do in a relationship), but I stopped after Christmas because I don't want to be a nag and I thought I'd let him do it on his own time.

Sometimes when I think about that scarf, my thought process goes like this:

1. He has so much time to do other things, like Monster Hunter, but he can't find a couple hours between September and now to finish it. Sure I won't need to use any scarves until fall/winter, but he was the one who said he would do it. I didn't pin that on him, he said he would so he should just f'ing do as his promised.

2. F* this shit, I'll just tell him to give it to me and I'll knit it myself. Sure I don't have much time to do it and I'll probably get it done in September, but at least if I have it then it's on my onus to finish it and it would most probably get finished if I do it.

3. I wish he would care more about me. It's great to receive gifts and I've given him plenty. I can hardly count how many he has given me. I know I should just be happy that I have a great boyfriend, but I like getting stuff too. Taking the care to create something shows love. You don't need to be creative. You just need to motivated. And I can't see him being motivated to do many things to make me happy. He doesn't seem to be motivated to do very much these days except for playing mahjong.

4. Well, it's hard to knit. I don't know how either and it may be pretty hard to do. He's pretty stressed with work and doesn't want to think to much and just relax. I haven't made anything substantial for him. Just a few cards. Who'm I to say that he doesn't get me presents when I don't do much for him too. I can't really cook and he cooks for the both of us, albeit rarely, but still he does it and we use his kitchen too and we make a mess.

5. I'm just being too selfish. Just forget about it. There's no need to tell him, it's just a big fuss over nothing. Take a deep breath and forget about the scarf. I might get it on my birthday, or never. Don't hold a grudge. Just move on. Stop being a little bitch and being so needy. \

I get kind of down right about now. I should just talk to him openly about my feelings right? But I can't understand whether I'm being unreasonable or my feelings are valid. The recurring thought I have is that my feelings are not valid, they're petty.

Though none of you know the extent of my relationship, can anyone give it to me straight: am I a little bitch?

tl;dr: boyfriend promises to make me a scarf, doesn't end up doing. I get frustrated because I don't want to nag but I still want to get what I want. I feel like I'm just being a little bitch. Am I?

don't worry, PK-EK will make you a scarf and hand deliver it to you.

PK-EK response:
__________________

Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.


Make the effort and take the risk..

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
tiger_handheld is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 09:14 PM   #20570
I am Hook'd on RS
 
hedonist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Thanked 44 Times in 14 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by etodac View Post

tl;dr: boyfriend promises to make me a scarf, doesn't end up doing. I get frustrated because I don't want to nag but I still want to get what I want. I feel like I'm just being a little bitch. Am I?
MEN, WTF? I'm sure everyone has heard the saying "it's the little things that count"

for a MAN to do something remotely crafty for their woman already makes us melt. To be promised something SO crafty, that takes SO much time and SO much effort, such as a home-made scarf, to the majority of woman kind, is one of the most meaningful things she will ever receive.

To be promised such a meaningful gift, then being stalled, and given hope, then eventually realizing that you're not gonna get this wonderful, meaningful bundle of warmth that you know you're gonna cherish, sucks the hairiest balls ever.

I don't think you're being a little bitch, I think you have every right to be disappointed. You've been over promised something, and it wasn't even under delivered- it wasn't even fucking real to begin with. Get angry, confront him, and make it known to him that you don't appreciate empty promises. Have the fight, get your point across and don't let it happen again. Good luck.
hedonist is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-30-2015, 10:02 PM   #20571
I STILL don't get it
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: .
Posts: 451
Thanked 153 Times in 56 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6o4__boi View Post
But seriously, that's a ridiculous amount of thought process for something so small. That's pretty much what starts fights. Shit gets brought out and little things gets amplified.
I do realize that it's a lot of thinking, not denying that at all and I think if I keep building this small thing up, it'll become a larger fight which is what I don't want to happen, hence coming here for some advice.

Also, I'm a guy and my partner is also a guy. It's understandable to assume that I'm a woman, but:

Quote:
Originally Posted by 6o4__boi View Post
If women could just not give a shit about stupid little things...the divorce rates would probably be lower.
LOLed at this. I love the "women are bitches" generalization you've just given. I'm not sure if it's a joke, but it's not even funny in this day and age. You may have a great relationship with a woman, but this kind of attitude is pretty toxic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FunkyColdMedina View Post
Agreed with the other two above me. It's a scarf... not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things IMO.

The fact that this is the "big problem" in your relationship should make you thankful, really. He's not cheating, not doing shady things, or involved in something you can't reconcile with (dealing drugs, for instance). He's working hard and probably doesn't have time to knit.

Nagging him about a gift, keyword being "gift" is stupid and pointless. And it also is a little bit selfish. Who cares if you buy him gifts, you do that on your own choice and volition. So don't be using that against him the moment something goes wrong. It sounds harsh, but it's true... I don't know why so many females play that same card the moment something goes wrong... "I did X for him but he won't do Y". Your actions do not license you to a reciprocation. Otherwise every single white knight would be drowning in poon because they're so nice to girls. It sucks, I know.

Nobody's perfect.
Thank you. I appreciate your comment entirely. It's really not an eye for an eye in any relationship. I give because I want to, not because I expect something out of it of equal value. I feel appreciated in other ways and I understand that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Parts > Hearts View Post
it's not about the scarf, it's about the lies

okay, jokes aside now...
it's something he'd said he would do. he made a promise. promises are not made just to be broken.

yes, it is a scarf and nothing more, but it represents another underlying issue that has to be taken care of:
he simply doesn't respect you and/or the relationship enough to honour his own word.
this is showing that he has real commitment issues. if you know you cannot do something or cannot keep a promise, don't say that you will. just don't. be honest about it. admit that you have no intention of actually doing it. don't promise something, break the promise, then act like you're still going to keep it.
whether or not he finishes the scarf, the fact of the matter is that he doesn't seem to view his promises towards you as anything of great importance. that has to change.
otherwise, not only will you not be getting a scarf, you will not be getting a good, fulfilling, committed long-term relationship either.
Wow this was beyond anything I ever thought of. I don't agree at all with this. 1 thing doesn't generalize to everything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 6o4__boi View Post
whoa whoa whoa, back up there.
that escalated quickly. Chill the fuck out.
This is the single most fucking annoyingest thing with women. They take things and over analyse it to death. So we just went from a scarf to commitment issues? yeeeesh.

No, that's not showing commitment issues. I don't know the guy but as a guy who gets annoyed with this type of shit, here's my 2 cents.

The most likely situation is that, the guy just can't do it because its too fucking hard or whatever. And guys can attest, sometimes we feel bad about not being able to do something so we just don't say anything about it in hopes that she forgets about it. It's not that we don't have the balls to tell you we can't do it...if i had to guess he probably feels bad he can't do it, too fucking lazy to do it and doesn't wanna tell you because he doesn't wanna deal with aftermath...or shit along those lines.

It's really more basic than it is, so do yourself and him a favor and don't over analyse it.
I appreciate the last insight. I didn't think he would feel this way. But this women-hating thing has to stop. It's really not good for you 6o4__boi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by muteki View Post
And so females don't understand males, and males don't understand females...

Don't know why some people complain about being single, when they can't realize the other party's feelings when they're in a relationship.

Relationships are all about give and take. Everyone sees appreciation in different ways and forms. If there is so much doubt, it'll surely break at some point or another.
I don't doubt our relationship at all. I'm not generalizing this to "oh he doesn't love me enough".

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger_handheld View Post
don't worry, PK-EK will make you a scarf and hand deliver it to you.

PK-EK response:
Looking forward to it PK

Quote:
Originally Posted by hedonist View Post
MEN, WTF? I'm sure everyone has heard the saying "it's the little things that count"

for a MAN to do something remotely crafty for their woman already makes us melt. To be promised something SO crafty, that takes SO much time and SO much effort, such as a home-made scarf, to the majority of woman kind, is one of the most meaningful things she will ever receive.

To be promised such a meaningful gift, then being stalled, and given hope, then eventually realizing that you're not gonna get this wonderful, meaningful bundle of warmth that you know you're gonna cherish, sucks the hairiest balls ever.

I don't think you're being a little bitch, I think you have every right to be disappointed. You've been over promised something, and it wasn't even under delivered- it wasn't even fucking real to begin with. Get angry, confront him, and make it known to him that you don't appreciate empty promises. Have the fight, get your point across and don't let it happen again. Good luck.
Not sure if srs but you've summed up pretty much how I feel about this gift. Gift as it is, I'm not entitled to it, it's more about how much I was looking forward to it and then it not happening. It's more of a disappointment, like not getting that job I really want or the cannelloni is sold out at Marcellos.

I feel like most of you didn't read my #4 and #5, though understandably it was a huge post. I don't generalize this one little scarf to having doubts about our relationship. I don't love him any less.

Thanks for all the comments. I'll be open to him and I don't think it'll be a huge thing. We could even knit it together or I end up knitting him one or we forget about it and just have sex. I have a lot of backup plans to how this can go down.
etodac is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-31-2015, 01:32 AM   #20572
I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
 
guurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,556
Thanked 541 Times in 301 Posts
ugh . . been so lazy and slack lately. need to get back into it
guurl is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-31-2015, 02:20 AM   #20573
無敵
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,319
Thanked 406 Times in 150 Posts
Don't falter.
__________________

muteki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-31-2015, 09:22 AM   #20574
RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: vancouver
Posts: 914
Thanked 317 Times in 173 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by etodac View Post
6 months ago on my birthday my partner told me that he tried to knit a scarf for me, but it was really complicated pattern and he'd never done it before and he got busy and couldn't finish it. I ended up not getting a birthday present, which wasn't a huge deal but it would have been nice to receive one. He's busy with school, I get it. He says he'd finish it by Christmas, Christmas rolls along and it's not finished. I joke that I'll get it on my next birthday and he promises* to have it done way before then. Flashback into the present and I'm quite sure he hasn't knitted at all. I poked fun at him (passive-aggressively, I know, go me, always the best thing to do in a relationship), but I stopped after Christmas because I don't want to be a nag and I thought I'd let him do it on his own time.

Sometimes when I think about that scarf, my thought process goes like this:

tl;dr: boyfriend promises to make me a scarf, doesn't end up doing. I get frustrated because I don't want to nag but I still want to get what I want. I feel like I'm just being a little bitch. Am I?
LOL that sounds exactly like what happened with my ex except it was Christmas instead of birthday! She told me about it a few weeks prior to Christmas and that she had completed a small part of it. Christmas rolls around and 50% progress or so (busy with school, exams, and extracurricular). A year rolls around and still nothing. I didn't really care too much about it but every time I asked she would get upset saying she had no time, ran out of yarn and had to buy some, or some other excuse. Broke up with her just shy of 2 years later and still never saw a trace of that scarf hahaha.

Don't get your hopes up... your story sounds way too similar to mine and based on experience, it's better to not ask about it to avoid arguments. Consider it goneee

Quote:
Originally Posted by Parts > Hearts View Post


it may be a scarf this time, but what about next time? it could be a date. an important event. an anniversary dinner. a meeting with the parents. a vacation trip. it could even be a pregnancy.
I agree with 604_boi on this... it's a one time occasion. My ex wasn't like that in all other aspects of the relationship, but somehow she cbf finishing that scarf haha. Don't look too much into it... maybe knitting turned out to be much more time consuming and boring than it originally seemed?

Last edited by zetazeta; 03-31-2015 at 09:28 AM.
zetazeta is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 03-31-2015, 02:10 PM   #20575
MoD
 
k2_alpha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: a rainy city
Posts: 3,486
Thanked 1,805 Times in 227 Posts
Conversation that originated from the scarf post ends here.

If you wish to continue please start a new thread in this subsection or in fight club.

Keep this thread on its original purpose.
__________________
Lets street race, first one to jail wins
k2_alpha is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Reply
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:36 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.
Revscene.net cannot be held accountable for the actions of its members nor does the opinions of the members represent that of Revscene.net