Speak it Out

[mikemhg]

Originally Posted by 6793026

what was epic is that I'm in fortune companies, my fiance is in health care.
we have seen her co worker take on "team leader" manager role, and then step down.
No pay increase at all.
I don't know why people want things just for the sake of title.
Now the manager stepped down, 2 people has to take over the manager role.

that would never happen in corp world.

That's the problem with a lot of companies though. People are promoted into rules simply based on tenure, which is nuts, essentially.

Just because you've worked in a role or for a company for a long time does not equate to you being a good fit as a manager or people leader.

Not quite sure so many companies don't understand that point.

It takes a certain person and personality type to be a people leader, I've seen far too many folks in management that are the antithesis of that.

[instantneedles]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

You're a clinician? Didn't know that.

Makes the steroid talk with you in the lifting page more interesting now

I'm a Kinesiologist (4 year bachelors), so I teach people exercises for rehab, manual therapy, etc etc. My dream is to open up my own facility where there's a gym and then also some treatment tables where I can do massage, cupping, etc (open concept).

So since I'm not a doctor I don't really have any opinions on PEDs lol

I'm hoping to work more with the bodybuilding/powerlifting/gym bro population though because I am one myself.

[whitev70r]

^ that sounds similar to dentists, doctors, any health practitioner. One thing I keep hearing (maybe you know this already), you have to have a competent office manager to run the business side of your own facility. Many put their spouse in charge (sometimes good, sometimes not so good). So many practitioner drown in the billing, admin, negotiating of lease, marketing, etc. that it robs them of their time of what they really enjoy doing, in your case, working with clients.

[GS8]

Cliched but the situation below isn't about me but, rather, a friend of mine who's in a scenario I thought I'd share:

--------------------------

He's been seeing a girl since August last year. Three weeks in, the girl says she needs time off from it to deal with personal matters. She didn't share much of it but after some pressing from my friend, she revealed that she didn't fully break it off with the guy she was seeing prior and she was torn. She basically said she was pursuing the guy for a relationship but he wasn't reciprocating as he wanted her just for sex and relaxation, nothing more. She also mentioned that while she feels mentally connected to my friend, her heart wasn't feeling that same connection.

They agreed to not see each other so she can end it with the previous guy and have a 'cleanse'. He texted her periodically to checkup on her and she appreciated that.

Come November, (2 months), she says she's ready to see him again. Her previous BF was out of the picture and she felt spiritually 'renewed'.

They see each other again like they used to but then Christmas comes in and they're both busy with family, then she gets Covid in January which put her out for 2 more weeks. So basically between Nov and now (about 3 months), they saw each other around 8 times.

It was 2 weeks ago they went to a restaurant and for the first time, she decides to take a selfie with the two of them AND she posts it on her social media where her family take notice and are apparently happy for her. My friend was ecstatic at this point because he thought that she was finally comfortable enough to be with him, accept him and that she had gotten over her issues from September. The relationship was officially beginning.

And then last night happens. She texted him again saying she can't feel the connection when they kiss or be intimate. She said he's the perfect boyfriend (much better than her previous BF) and her mind wants to move forward but there's something in her heart that makes her not feel anything. Apparently she considered ignoring her heart and following her mind but thinks that will create a delusion and none of them will be happy since the connection isn't genuine.

So yeah, my friend is feeling dejected now. They talked a bit after the initial messages and she's convinced that she can't feel anything, not because of my friend, but because of her own history with failed relationships (she's at 4) and she's in her mid 30s.

My view was that it's almost like her heart is putting up a self-defense mechanism due to her history and to prevent further hurt.

Anyway, it's not so much the revelation that's eating my friend up. It's the ambiguity. She said she MAY feel something at some point but she doesn't know when. I mean, that's gotta hurt anyone in that situation right? It could be a month or even one year before she knows how to proceed. She said she's not dating at all and it's last on her priority list. They are both thinking that dating again in November might have been too soon. My friend honestly thought she'd cleanse until the end of 2021 and start fresh this year but she thought 2 months would be enough.

I actually feel for both of them. I can't imagine the shock and confusion going on between them. They are currently on good terms but in his own words 'the relationship ended as soon as it began'.

He doesn't want to get back into dating himself because of how hard it's been especially with Covid. Online makes it even harder. It's almost like the ratio of men to women is like 10:1. He said he'll just focus on his career and just see what happens. He's latching to the fact that she said he's 'the perfect boyfriend' as hope but the ambiguity will bother him. I empathize. Humans don't get along with ambiguity. We always like all the information present to us and a crystal clear fashion.

Whoops! This is a long post but he told me everything so I tried to transcribe as best I could.

[BIC_BAWS]

Been there done that. Don't lose sleep over someone who isn't gonna lose sleep about you. Only took me two crashed cars to help me realize that. Actions are valued more than words. Women like her say a lot but do the exact opposite.

Obviously easier said than done to cut off ties, but cutting off ties completely is the way to go here. She says he's the best and he's not like anyone else, but she still won't commit lol. That doesn't sound like someone you'd want to be friends with let alone be in a romantic situation with.

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

[Traum]

Been there, done that as well, and I agree with everything Bic Baws has said.

In simpler terms, if the other party isn't willing to commit or reciprocate, you just gotta move on.

[bcrdukes]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

Only took me two crashed cars to help me realize that.

[6793026]

oh well... cut the ties and find a new chick.
99% of dudes go thru this nowadays.... always waiting for a girl and the girl always has baggage.

ANDDD to top it off, social media doesn't do justice as options are EVERYWHERE.

We can't even choose or stay focus on a netflix movie without being distracted, let alone a relationship.

Go about life and you'll soon realize the girl that likes you, will repeat and reciprocate the same way you do.

[Euro7r]

Tell your buddy to dump that bitch. Seriously who does she think she is? Let her "think" about it a few more years, let that pussy become dried up. It's clear she is a time waster. Your buddy should just keep talking to other women still, never know whom he'll meet.

[GS8]

Originally Posted by 6793026

oh well... cut the ties and find a new chick.
99% of dudes go thru this nowadays.... always waiting for a girl and the girl always has baggage.

ANDDD to top it off, social media doesn't do justice as options are EVERYWHERE.

We can't even choose or stay focus on a netflix movie without being distracted, let alone a relationship.

Go about life and you'll soon realize the girl that likes you, will repeat and reciprocate the same way you do.

Social media & dating apps have completely ruined the essence of dating IMO. It was okay at first when it was just eHarmony or Plenty of Fish but it's so overly saturated now and it simply takes a swipe of all things. And that whole model has bled over to social media or even adopted (FB Dating).

People will just bunny hop from person to person and more lives will be ruined, long term. Complacency, anxiety and even loneliness await these people.

And like in the case with my friend, people can't even keep their personalities straight. I mean is there much worse than a toxic hypocrite?

The whole idea of basically saying "You're my Prince Charming but I can't be with you" is so fucking ludicrous to me that I just can't even finish the thought or else I too will feel clinically retarded.

Here I thought the whole point of relationships is to build a strong foundation. Having differences is okay, encouraged even. That's how you build your foundation. You take your differences and lay them down like 2 different coloured bricks and cement it all together. It's beneath ground so no one can see it anyway except you two and that's what keeps your relationship strong and sturdy as you build upward where people see the more superficial beauty like taking a 2-person selfie at a restaurant. It's the ugly and sturdy foundation holding up that glitz.

EDIT: I'm not referring to dating where you testing the waters with someone. I mean people who go all in and then go all nomad to another desert, go all in etc etc.

Originally Posted by Euro7r

Tell your buddy to dump that bitch. Seriously who does she think she is? Let her "think" about it a few more years, let that pussy become dried up. It's clear she is a time waster. Your buddy should just keep talking to other women still, never know whom he'll meet.

Maybe I'll just screengrab your post and send it to him

[mikemhg]

Tell your friend to move on.

That woman is too volatile to be a stable person to be with if he's looking for something long-term. Better to find that out now as opposed to 2 years down the line.

[instantneedles]

Sorry to hear about some of the bad news in these recent posts.

However, I want to share some positivity to this thread because I owe you all one.

Remember the girl I’ve been telling you all about? Well, with the help of my friends, I asked her out and we went out for our first date this past weekend. It took me 10 years to work up this courage, but I did it.

I’m not sure what is to come, but what I know is that it felt great taking this first step. We’re in the process of planning another date!

Thanks to everyone in this thread for all the support and advice you have given me!

[Euro7r]

^Dat a boi, go get that pussay lol. You don't ever want to have regrets or that "what if" thought later on in life. YOLO. Don't overanalyze or analyze as it's a waste of time, go with the flow and things will fall into place. My fiancé older brother, overanalyzes shit all the time, now he's like 40s (turning 50 rapidly fast LOL). Never had a gf in his life, now his parent think he's gay or something. He places his expectation of himself onto finding women, like FUCK bro, your not building a house meeting all the checklisted items. It's sad he has to find younger friends to hang, then when these younger friends get married/have kids, they leave him. So his cycle rinses and repeats over and over, now to the point he's gotten way older who the fuck would wanna hang out with a dad lookalike.

[TOS'd]

^ sugarbabies

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

My fiancé older brother, overanalyzes shit all the time, now he's like 40s (turning 50 rapidly fast LOL). Never had a gf in his life, now his parent think he's gay or something. He places his expectation of himself onto finding women, like FUCK bro, your not building a house meeting all the checklisted items.

damn aside from dying alone, this also one of my biggest fears.. being single at 40/50 lol

[Euro7r]

Originally Posted by TOS'd

^ sugarbabies

He's a cheapo, he'll make you pay your share of the expense even if it's family LOL.

Remembered he had a coupon, but had no use for it at all. Offered to sell it to me for cheap, I said NO. Already going to garbage anyways, why would I even pay for a dime for it. Made no sense.

[tiger_handheld]

betches b cray .... do we still say this?

[tiger_handheld]

Originally Posted by GS8

Cliched but the situation below isn't about me but, rather, a friend of mine who's in a scenario I thought I'd share:

--------------------------

He's been seeing a girl since August last year. Three weeks in, the girl says she needs time off from it to deal with personal matters. She didn't share much of it but after some pressing from my friend, she revealed that she didn't fully break it off with the guy she was seeing prior and she was torn. She basically said she was pursuing the guy for a relationship but he wasn't reciprocating as he wanted her just for sex and relaxation, nothing more. She also mentioned that while she feels mentally connected to my friend, her heart wasn't feeling that same connection.

They agreed to not see each other so she can end it with the previous guy and have a 'cleanse'. He texted her periodically to checkup on her and she appreciated that.

Come November, (2 months), she says she's ready to see him again. Her previous BF was out of the picture and she felt spiritually 'renewed'.

They see each other again like they used to but then Christmas comes in and they're both busy with family, then she gets Covid in January which put her out for 2 more weeks. So basically between Nov and now (about 3 months), they saw each other around 8 times.

It was 2 weeks ago they went to a restaurant and for the first time, she decides to take a selfie with the two of them AND she posts it on her social media where her family take notice and are apparently happy for her. My friend was ecstatic at this point because he thought that she was finally comfortable enough to be with him, accept him and that she had gotten over her issues from September. The relationship was officially beginning.

And then last night happens. She texted him again saying she can't feel the connection when they kiss or be intimate. She said he's the perfect boyfriend (much better than her previous BF) and her mind wants to move forward but there's something in her heart that makes her not feel anything. Apparently she considered ignoring her heart and following her mind but thinks that will create a delusion and none of them will be happy since the connection isn't genuine.

So yeah, my friend is feeling dejected now. They talked a bit after the initial messages and she's convinced that she can't feel anything, not because of my friend, but because of her own history with failed relationships (she's at 4) and she's in her mid 30s.

My view was that it's almost like her heart is putting up a self-defense mechanism due to her history and to prevent further hurt.

Anyway, it's not so much the revelation that's eating my friend up. It's the ambiguity. She said she MAY feel something at some point but she doesn't know when. I mean, that's gotta hurt anyone in that situation right? It could be a month or even one year before she knows how to proceed. She said she's not dating at all and it's last on her priority list. They are both thinking that dating again in November might have been too soon. My friend honestly thought she'd cleanse until the end of 2021 and start fresh this year but she thought 2 months would be enough.

I actually feel for both of them. I can't imagine the shock and confusion going on between them. They are currently on good terms but in his own words 'the relationship ended as soon as it began'.

He doesn't want to get back into dating himself because of how hard it's been especially with Covid. Online makes it even harder. It's almost like the ratio of men to women is like 10:1. He said he'll just focus on his career and just see what happens. He's latching to the fact that she said he's 'the perfect boyfriend' as hope but the ambiguity will bother him. I empathize. Humans don't get along with ambiguity. We always like all the information present to us and a crystal clear fashion.

Whoops! This is a long post but he told me everything so I tried to transcribe as best I could.

betches b cray .... do we still say this?

[GS8]

Originally Posted by tiger_handheld

betches b cray .... do we still say this?

Bitches be psycho-persuasive pseudo lifeforms still stupid enough to drown in their own shallow gene pool.

That's what I say now

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

damn aside from dying alone, this also one of my biggest fears.. being single at 40/50 lol

Better start hitting the gym again

[GS8]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

Obviously easier said than done to cut off ties, but cutting off ties completely is the way to go here.

Update:

My friend and her had a long emotional talk yesterday. She said she was crying while trying to force her heart to feel for my friend but there was nothing. She had no answer as to why other than 'I don't know'.

That's all my friend wanted to know to leave her behind. He just needed confirmation after he spent time away to see if maybe she did in fact feel something while my friend went AWOL. Nope, nothing. She even had the balls to say "maybe if we run into each other in the future, we can click again." My friend insta-replied with "I gave you my everything NOW. If you never felt for me up to now, Why would you suddenly feel for me in the future?!?!?"

She was silent...

Hearing my friend tell me his journey through all this almost made ME cry. Imagine spending 8 months talking / seeing someone only for them to tell you there was NEVER any connection. Why drag someone through that? They never fought, never had any conflict. They were on the same wave lengths. Any differences between them were superficial. I met her and him in a pub one time and watched how they interacted. It's like they had been together for years! I was super happy for him at that point.

You always hear of those relationships that are up and down rollercoasters of emotion. Lots of good & bad moments but in the end, the couples defy all odds and end up being stronger and happier because that roller coaster defined their ability to handle the twists and turns the relationship was shelling out. But in the case of my friend, in his words, it was literally like riding an Enron stock.

I mean, she fell for a guy who felt nothing for her but when my friend comes along and behaves the complete opposite of that dude, she feels nothing. My friend has had relationships in the past and they ended in a typical fashion but he's never been in a situation like this. Like, how can you be so close and yet so far?

He was telling me everything because he saw this whole scenario as an interesting case study. IMO, if anything, she should have said much earlier on 'Hey sorry, I'm not really feeling anything between us. Peace.' But it was dragged on and on and two weeks after posting an 'official' photo of them together in a restaurant (which garners happiness from her family), she then hard-drops her truth.

If I had to personify this person, it would be sulfuric acid.

Anyway, he wanted me to share this. It seems you really never know who you're with unless that person has a conscience and can be open with you from the get go. Life goes on.

[Euro7r]

It's evident that girl led your friend on the whole time, with no intent to pursue anything further. Seems like it could been to fill in a band-aid void to suppress loneliness she could been having. Hope your friend told her to fuck right off now, wasted your friend time. At her age, she should know better to get to the fucking point, and not beat your friend around the bush this long.

[CivicBlues]

^
How old are these people?

[Euro7r]

Originally Posted by CivicBlues

^
How old are these people?

OP mentioned this girl is in her mid 30's.

[Traum]

Had a similar experience as GS8's friend back in my mid 20's. My temper was a lot shorter back then, and it was both heart-breaking and infuriating to have the girl that you're pouring your heart out for tell you that she doesn't have much feelings for you even though she knows you love her dearly. In my case, she also told me she only wanted her ex to love her.

Looking back at it now, I'm glad it happened because the failed relationship helped me grow. But at the time when it happened, it was absolutely devastating.