I'm in my 40's and there's a glut of single mothers out there on every dating platform that all "deserve the best and wont settle for less". Being a good mother and a good partner/person are completely different things imo. They may change about being less selfish in spending their time caring for a being dragged out of their vag but it doesn't necessarily permanently change their thoughts on what they "deserve" or will settle for from a partner. If they're materialistic cunts, A 1 bed condo will suffice til the kid is 1 or 2yrs old but there better be plans for a 1mil+ townhouse or a detached in a specific neighborhood by the time the kid reaches 3.

Seen it enough times when I did showings too lol. The men usually have the same wtf did i get myself into look and always try to say "hmm, not at this time as its out of the budget. let us think about it" while wifey rolls their eyes in a dramatic fashion. You can sometimes hear the bickering the moment that they walk out the door lol

I am blinded by makeup and fillers and I regret nothing................................... yet :ilied:

unnecessary flaunting. I hope your kids grow up to be as humble as you :heckno:

He literally cant help it. Every post has to either directly or indirectly involve his wealth.

Couple:
1 bedroom - "this is fine"

Couple with a tiny person:
We need detached house in the suburbs with at least 3 bedrooms in a good neighborhood an hour commute away from my office on a cul du sac an because it's safer oh and MINIVANNN!!! Also I need to stop working for 16 months.

I swear something breaks in your heads when you push out that little goblin.

Humility and self-sacrifice in the name of raising a child. Human qualities.

Materialistic losses...

----

I guess perspective is whatever you want it to be.

Kids won't always remember what you taught them but they will always remember who you are...

I don’t think any amount of wealth and material life would ever replace time of parents with kids. I grew up without my parents around and it’s one of the things I swear to myself to not repeat when I became one.

I never told my kids what I gave up to be a parent. I just always told them family is the most important thing in life. Which I believe that one day, when they become a parent themselves, it would be second nature for them to be around for their kids.

Delete

People dont make ultimatums unless they have plan B ready…
Also you are caught under common law GG

zx

I mean there's always going to the store to get milk or cigarettes :ifyouknow:

From a respect standpoint that's some shady shit she's doing texting another dude like that. Even if she actually saw him as a brother, if she's half decent looking that dude is definitely trying to hit it so he's being the supportive guy waiting for his time to strike.

Isn't property division for common property basically the same as marriage?

Just reading this blurb, I think it's time to move on. Like what Gerb said, if she's posting more on IG, it's either she's trying to show off and curate what a 'great life' she has or is looking for a plan B before jumping ship. Both are not great qualities I'd want in a future partner.

Chicks usually go through grief during the relationship and once they're ready emotionally or found something else, they're gonna end it and dudes usually grief once the relationship ends.

Also I would recommend not trying to have a kid with $40000 in cc debt. Maybe at 28 but 38?! While making big money, you're more than halfway through your earning years and you still haven't matured? This is obviously a habit by now and you're not gonna get out of it cold turkey. You don't want to be that A4 lease rental basement guy with a kid.

She seemed nice when I met her at the meat.

Ultimately don’t let these opinions sway you. only you know whether or not it’s worth fighting for. If you see a future with this woman, and you can shes sincere about reforming her ways, then it’s not so bad.

However if you don’t think she’ll change and she’s just using the kid thing as an anchor then you need to re evaluate where you stand.

honestly the best advice is this. No one here knows what your relationship is like. I also thought she seemed super nice when I met her. Seemed genuinely not annoyed to have us talk about dumb RS shit for a few minutes lol. Whatever happens I hope you’re good. Relationships can suck at times and still be good. Especially when things change on a whim because someone feels like they need to be somewhere in life that they aren’t. Change can turn out great though. None of us know what the fuck we are doing.

Making 120k/yr net, and having 0 savings, is absolutely insane. Unless she has only been a nurse for 1 year, then its "reasonable" to celebrate your success for the first x months / year.

My buddy was porking a nurse, (RN), not sure how much she worked, but same thing. Finished school, first thing she did was buy a VW ID wth the massage seats. Closet full of new clothing every month, lip injections at 700$/dose? Etc.
When they broke up, he saw her VW ID for sale on FB lol, i guess she realized that extra 1000$/mo now needs to go to rent. (Or hopefully shes smarter than i think, and is saving for a DP / bought a shitbox)

All the above just reminds me that theres alot of stupid people out there complaining about Vancouver Real Estate Market being out of control.

Its not out of control. Your spending is. 120k NET gets you a 700k place, solo.

Tell your gf if she can pay off her 40k of debt in 6 months, you will pop a kid into her lol. That should still leave her with 20k for rent, food, and maybe one rave.

Personally, I want a wife who I can have fun with and still go out and party, but that comes from a foundation of shared values and being responsible with work and money.

A girlfriend who's making 30% more each year, great habits, amplifying my fun by hosting parties and adding to our social/travel life? that's wifey

A girlfriend who's 40k in consumer debt (not even house / student loans), ignorant about it, putting out feelers for who she can lean on next, and demanding more based on social pressure without taking a hard look about where she's at and what she's actually contributing? uhhh

$40000 at 20% interest is $666.66 a month, more than hobz GTI :ahwow:

I hear you, dating is hard for everyone but for different reasons.

I find the women in my life aren't struggling for attention, they're struggling to find fit, safety, and life alignment.

On finances, you gotta date like your hot girl friends: throw your opinions out there, ask questions that are kinda testy and see what comes back to you. A few things I have fun with:

Talk about travel and group trips because it not only makes for a fun convo, you'll get one of the three responses:

- Red flag "My friend Darong kept suggesting L places for the ski trip! It didn't have a butler or an onsen in the room so I didn't even wanna go, ew."
- Yellow flag "I get anxious about overspending, ugh my friend kept wanting to stay at the W. I'll pay for safety/location."
- Green flag "Yeah! I made friends in London/Hawaii and I love visiting them with gifts, so I'll usually stay with them and give them a great experience when I travel. You should meet Sophie when we go to Paris"

Talk about fashion, women love talking about it: mention you thrifted some dope stuff in Japan and found Birkins there too.

- Red flag "My ex was so stingy! I just wanted a Kelly and he wouldn't even take me to the Hermes store"
- Yellow flag "These Manolos are terrible, they were 800 and they fell apart after one day!"

Role play:
"I feel like you're the kind of girl I could take to dinner in heels but also hit the McDonalds drivethru with at 2AM"
If $5k landed in your lap - would you rather invest in a handbag, book a flight to South Africa, or donate to a pet shelter. You're just opened up 3 more conversation topics here.

- Green flag "Por que no los dos"

State your plan: "I'll get the dinner, you'll take us to your favourite dessert spot and treat us"
- Green flag "Deal, I know the perfect gelato place... but if you're a mint chocolate man, this is never gonna work out"

AND If they're giving you shit, you can share your opinion in a flirty way..

"oh but are you a generous man"
depends on who's asking ;)

"why don't you get this for me, after all I'm pretty aren't I"
what is this a charity? I love dog shelters tho and especially huskies, what's your favourite dog

"i only do dinner on the first date"
isn't it boring having to carry a whole conversation? i have so much more fun doing activity dates, we'll grab food along the way, and we'll grab dinner for the second date if we vibe

"you're not a 50/50 man are you"
I'm not counting but I'm very persuadable by effort... be careful what you ask for"
"I'm a 100/100 guy, wouldn't life be so boring if we didn't spoil each other?"

What might blow your mind is half the time I ask a girl what she's looking for, no matter what she says, I'll give the same answer and they always go "exactly!!! finally someone gets it"

> I'm only looking for a relationship
Me: Same, looking to vibe with someone cool and date them a while if they're really cool.
I literally think the word "same" really gets them

Bunch of middle-aged internet car dorks and end-of-life accountants standing in a Tim Horton's/Canadian Tire parking lot in the middle of the night HAS to have SOME weight with regards to credibility for sage advice and sound judgement.
:pokerface: :lawl: :fuckthatshit:

On the other hand Mike, just be a daddy. Who wants to deal with this shit at 40?

You were pretty active in the Speak It Out thread, giving advice to people who were in similar issues. Might want to go back and read your own words and see if your brain clicks with your past self?

To me, talking with a dude she's known for a short while yet calls him 'a brother' but is fine with cutting him off completely is a pretty big red flag when you dissect it and I'm just basing that on what little I know. I'm just connecting the threads of info here. It's like an odd contradiction of reactions and her mind seems to be trying to patch up her verbal slip-ups.

But given you have so many years with her, this is some meditation level energy that needs to be harnessed and eventually dealt with. Both of you having emotional blenders in your minds will never be healthy. Not now, not tomorrow, and certainly not 10 years from now after a kid has already been born.

It may 'never be a good time to have a kid' but you and her have to make sure you are on equal footing and are ready and willing (and ENTHUSIASTIC) to pursue such an incredible milestone. It's November now. This year is almost over. Don't rush now. Time is not a book you close when the year is up. It's an endless stream of our consciousness and the vessels we control with our actions and our intentions.

I'm sure you'll come up with what you feel is best. And I'm sure she will too.

Good luck!

zzxz