Any of you guys have older/younger siblings that are retarded and immature. My sister is 30 yrs old and jerking around with life. Works part-time 2-3 days a week and taking like one course a time, doesn't pay shit living at home. My parents are retired, can't take care of her rest of their lives with their fixed government old pensions.

I know it takes time for people to get their shit together with their lives, we are all different, but working part time and cruising along thinking parents will take care of them absolutely pisses me off. At the very least put some "effort" in life.

I'm like this close and straight up telling her, going to sell parents house, go find your own damn place to live in hopes she gets her shit together. I feel sometimes you have to push someone to their edge for them to realize it's time to get your shit together.

I think it's up to your parents to tell her she needs to find a proper job and get her own place if they don't want her living there anymore. You can say something to her, but consider your parents' position. They have to live with her.

My parents have told her what she "should be doing", but she thinks she's the shit and has her perspective. Then she loses it, temper tantrum, then it gets no where lol. My parents already know she's a lost cause.

I take care all my parents, every big and small thing, so I'm fed up that my parents having to pay for a grown up ass person living at home.

My parents letting her live at home because they want to "help her" while they are capable, so she can get her shit together and save up some money. Doesn't look that's happening if she's on cruise control mode...(in the zone of comfort)

Euro, I would talk to her. You're siblings.... if you guys can't be real with each other even if it will hurt feelings, who will? You are allowed to say something if you feel she's taking advantage of your parents.

I've been getting kicked out of my house since I was 14. So I learned from an early age to be living at home for free is a privilege. As soon as I started working full time, I've been paying rent, pitching in for groceries, lending my mom money and would front money for her loans.

Your sister is lucky to have a stable home and support, the ability to go to school. She needs to realize this. Sometimes tough love is absolutely necessary.

You and your parents will have to be on the same page. She should start paying rent, for her own groceries then get the fuck out. At 30, she needs to learn to be independent or it will cripple her in the long run when she has no one to take care of her.

Ahh if they've already told her what she needs to do and she's not doing it, I'd speak up. But it'll still cause problems for your parents. They're the ones who have to live with the temper tantrums though.

Yeah she doesn't like it when parents tell her to do this and that. E.g. Find a full-time job or get a better job that at least aligns with what you are studying. Parents house, parents rules, don't like it? Then get the fuck out.

My parents hope she ends up marrying someone that can take care of her.

I wish the best to that person LOL :troll:.

Back on topic, yeah she doesn't realize the true cost of living these days are. Thinks that my parents has abundance flow of cash to pay the bills.

Lol that's too bad. They're wrong for that... if her husband were to leave her, she'd have to learn in her forties or fifties how to be self sufficient? Plus it's very rare men nowadays will commit to a partner who has nothing to offer/no life experience.

Get them to kick her out. She needs a dose of reality for sure especially if she has a temper tantrum when they try to talk to her. She's 30, not a teenager lol.

My motto in life when it comes to these kind of situation is, tell them once, and if they don't listen, let them be. If it's family and if it's not going to kill them, just let things play out until the straw breaks. People will never learn until they see the darker side of things.

Playing God and pulling strings by instigating her parents to kick her out may not be the best solution. What if they kick her out and she started whoring herself for money? Or start doing ups/downs? Like I always say, the grass may not always be greener on the other side, and while it's green on this side, cherish it. Some people just don't have a mentality as strong as others. And since she's not mentally prepared, forcing her to move out and be independent will only result in her moving back with her parents. You can argue that there is a reality that everyone needs to face, but not everyone can face it at the same time as everyone else can.

Everything in life is meant to be. Good and bad things will happen to a person, and at the most accurate time whether they like it or not. Call it destiny, faith, or whatever you want. You can't evade it, you can only learn from it. In other words, let nature play it out.

^^ yes that's possible mr_chin. She could take a wrong turn. However, shes has been taking classes so shes obviously educated. But just going off the raw facts of what Euro said, she doesn't show respect to her parents and she freaks out. It seems shes been told maybe politely by her parents what to do. Plus.....what about her parents? I have an older brother, and I have no problem whatsoever laying his ass out when necessary. As siblings, you have the right to speak the truth to each other, even if it's brutal.

She's 30 years old, fully capable of working full time and pitching in for the house. Her parents are on pension....and they need to worry for themselves at some point. Pension pay is not much at all to survive on......... it's not fair to them.

Again, maybe they could give her time to get some money together. But if Euro is correct and she doesn't help financially at home and works part time.....why wouldn't she have money saved? That's the whole point of her parents still taking care of her to begin with.

I'll have to sympathize with the parents. Personally, I believe if you have nothing physically/medically holding you back from working and earning your keep at 21 years old and up.....then it should be done.

I don't believe in coddling women of age. It creates a victim mentality where they become unable to take responsibility for themselves. If you have people holding your hand and babying you anytime you really should be taking responsibility for yourself, is that helping them......or crippling them for their future?

Destiny, faith, Universal Design....there is no excuse to be rude, inconsiderate and live off your parents completely if you are fully capable of taking care of yourself. I'm a glass half full type of person. I believe people are strong within and they can unleash it when given the opportunity.

If I could survive getting kicked out at 14, and all the numerous times after that, without resorting to prostitution or drugs....why wouldn't an educated 30 year old who already has a job be able to?

1) If my family were Caucasian, would have booted her ass long time ago. It allows the kids to realize living isn't easy out there and learn to be independent. My parents came to Canada in their early 20's and started working for $2/hour back then, times were tough as they had to scratch and crawl their way through.

2) My parents have done their fair share in helping as best as they could, this can't continue on forever. E.g. Average rent is $1500 in Vancouver x 12 months x 5 yrs (assuming she took life serious and starting working full-time at age of 25, age people finish college/university, give and take) = $90K potentially worth of money my parents put into her pockets, which she could utilized for a down payment of her own place.

3) As parents become older, so much uncertainty. What if they aren't here tomorrow, then what? She has no planning for her future because she's being pampered with a zone of comfort. I'm not instigating my parents to kick her out, but she needs to realize things don't continue the same "forever". Heck, my parents could be like, sell house tomorrow to downsize into a smaller place, at that point, she would be royally screwed with no place to live. My parents can't be her plan A/B/C...

Your parents are partly to blame as well. Not saying this to negate them being good people or anything, so please don't take it as such.
They have allowed her to go further and further into a lifestyle of dependance that it will be nearly impossible for her to get out of it without being forced to. Its on them to tell her, you either pay rent, or get the fuck out. Its not that they need to give up helping her, but they have to at least take away some of the advantages she is taking from them, because she sure isn't going to give them up herself. She has had this behaviour instilled into her by continuing to be rewarded for it.

Yeah I know, my parents' aren't forceful enough. They will say to her to get the fuck out if you don't like what they are saying to her, but never actually will boot her out. I've told my parents, doesn't help when pampering a grown up ass person as they won't know how to survive without them.

^^ yeah they'll have to carry out the threat this time. She's learned by throwing a fit, she can stay. So she's not afraid of what they say at all. My parents would literally throw my shit into the mud when it was raining, give me a garbage bag and tell me I can take what I can carry on my back. It's brutal being that young and having it happen but from then on, I always knew they meant business & they werent fucking around.
Your parents will also have to be okay with the fact she may resent them for a long time. I know they're aging and parents get soft with age. But you need to remind them that it's her journey. She's gonna feel slighted of course because feels entitled to stay...but she should forgive them eventually.....when she matures mentally from it. She's learning this maybe 10 years later than she should have so they need to be ready for it because it seems they worry about her a lot.

If she's already working, she may not even have to get a new job entirely... she could pick up more shifts or get a second pt job to make a full week.

I had a friend parents give their kids "x period of time" to get their shit together or else they'll sell house and force them to move out. Kids thought parents were trolling and one day, for sale sign outside house. Eventually they had to get their shit together because house got sold and now kids are renting and how to find means to pay rent. At that point, now they know living ain't easy as it looks.

Living in this city, shit expensive as fuck. Who even has time to jerk around these days (time is money), I just don't know....Maybe it's just me in that I'm a bit old school with practicality with life?...

Well, if she is educated, why is she freaking out? There is a line between mental issue and being educated. She obviously has some sort of mental issue and this does not equate to the fact that if she is educated, she won't do stupid things like drugs and stuff. And trust me, when family neglect their child, the child will very likely do stupid things.

As for her parents, we are not sure if they are paying for her meals. If they are not, then I don't see the problem of her being there THAT big that should result in ruining family relationship. If the parents have a room for her to sleep, but she's paying for everything else with her part time pay cheque, then her parents isn't really losing anything. In fact, they are gaining the peace of mind that their daughter is safe at home. If her parents ARE paying for her meals, then that is a problem the parents have to deal with. A lot of Asian parents will support their kids, complain about it, tell them they need to move out, etc. etc. but still continue to support them. It's like a love and hate relationship.

Like I said, everyone is different and although I do agree with you that everyone is capable of living on their own if they push their limits. However, we can't expect people to see it from our point of view.

This problem is exactly like if you had a 1 year old learning to walk, you'd let them do it on their own and if they fall, you would help them back up. The difference here is, she hasn't learned to walk on her own yet, so you can't force them to, otherwise they'll just fall and you'd have to go and pick them back up again. And by falling, I mean literally going broke, jobless, and homeless.

Everyone has different ways when dealing with these kind of things. If the problem is life threatening, then it shouldn't be resolved immediately, rather let it play out and see where it goes. Her parents may not like her living at home at 30, but I am sure they still care about her with all their heart and hope the best for her. And a part of them wants her there just because they're family.

^^ the parents have already told her they want her to get a full time job and want her out. Theyre just soft. I dont think she has a mental issue. If she did have a mental issue, why would her parents want her out? Lol. Dude shes just spoiled. I know girls older than me who are just spoiled bitches and they act like it to their parents. My cousins sis in law refused to go to a family reunion because her dad wouldnt buy her a BMW M5 outright. She works in insurance and we all know damn well she makes stacks of money. She doesnt pay rent, doesnt buy groceries, doesnt buy her own cars. Shes not mentally handicapped...shes SPOILED lol. She started so much shit with the whole family eventually the dad caved and gave her his bank info.....and she got that M5 that same day. Then she went on that family vacation.....which her parents also paid for.

If her family suspected she had a mental issue, why would Euro come in here and ask for advice? Your argument is moot if she is of sound mind.

Ok again, their parents are retired, on pension. If theyve already asked her to do more, obviously thats what they want. And again, she has a job. Shes been working part time for a while meaning shes had time to save up in her familys eyes. She could rent a room if she really had to leave or if she was smart could offer to pay rent and for her own groceries and still live there. If she can work 2-3 times a week, theres no reason that money cant go to her parents. Obviously her being home is having a negative effect on her parents. If they are stressed about money because theyre having a hard time taking care of themselves, is that fair? Theyve done their time. You become an adult by 18 and are capable of acting like one if you arent mentally challenged.

Im all for being understanding but if shes not special needs she has no excuse. You can be kind and understanding at the same time as being firm. Yes everyone handles things differently, i recognize that. But if youre still living off your parents at 30 years old, thats quite excessive and i would still question WHY.

The parents pay for the house shes living in therefore she should respect their wishes. Bottom line. You dont cater to children. Thats how they grow up to be assholes.

If the family relationship is ruined...again thats up to her entirely. She can choose to resent her family for kicking her out of the nest or like you said, she could realize its happening for a reason due to destiny and learn from it.

Euro, if your sister has a mental illness can you please let us know? That will obviously change my answer to the situation.

Mr_chin, youre speaking as if shes someone who has not had years of advantages but Euro has portrayed the situation that she has had much help from her family over the years. Obviously if she did not have a job, didnt have savings, wasnt working for at least 5 years already then ok be lenient and give more time. But at the VERY LEAST, respect your parents.

I never stated that her parents dont care for her, but there is a thing as caring TOO MUCH. If theyre shielding her from reality and the real world now, do you even understand how hard it will be for her to adapt when shes older? Her attitude/ways of thinking will be ingrained very deeply already.

Lol. Okay, maybe mental issue was an exaggeration but she definitely has issues. Be it spoiled or not, you can already conclude that she doesn't have that strong of a mentality to deal with her issues. Hence why she lashes out on her parents. And if they force her out, God knows what she could resort to for income.

We were all a child once. She is still a child, regardless of her age. My parents were divorced when I was 12. When I was 19, my dad did not support me financially when I was going to school. I resorted to selling crack for money and dropped out of school. And like Euro7r said, living in Vancouver is not cheap and forcing her out to be on her own while she's not ready, isn't going to help her at all. At the same time, keeping her at home isn't either. But which one do you think is better? Let her slowly get her way there or force her to do it? If you ask me, I'd go with the former as it is not life threatening or anything.

She doesnt have a strong mentality because she was never given the opportunity to develop one. Shes been coddled for her whole life, she doesnt know what real rent is out there...lol shed know if she even just browsed rentals on CG.

Yes but again those are all personal choices. Destiny can only step in so far. I could have sold ecstasy to my friends when I was 14/15. I could have owned my own cocaine line in Burnaby 5 years ago. I was given those opportunities but even with the debt Im in, i said no. Its just not worth it to me. Ive been around drugs and drug dealers my whole life and while im not afraid - its just not the life for me. Money is money, jobs are jobs. I can always make money and im not obsessed with owning nice things or saving face. I live comfortably within my means and im very happy.

She needs to experience a little fear. Ive already said it doesnt even have to come to kicking her out, but she can at least pay rent/groceries and release that financial burden off her parents if thats what they choose. If shes currently affecting the quality of life of her parents, then i have a very deep problem with that ingrained in my roots. I buried myself into the ground helping my parents. So when people have loving, helpful parents and are not grateful for that.... It annoys me on another level lol.

Yup, I totally agree. But it's up to her parents to do the honor, not Euro7r and definitely not us. After all, it's her parents' house, not his or ours.

To clarify, she doesn't have mental issues lol. Just doesn't like to be told what to do or how to live her life, short tempered. All parents nag their kids, no matter what age. My parents simply nag because they just want the best for her. There's no gain in it for my parents. Whatever path she chooses, it's up to her.

She isn't causing mental grief or trouble at home, except the financial aspect of things. Parents pay for her car, insurance, cost of living at home etc. To me, she can move her ass upstairs to the guest room and parents can rent the suite downstairs for extra cash income. My parents government pensions are good to cover the basic living expenses, but there's always those "throw you out of nowhere expenses" that they can't afford to pay. E.g. Something breaks down and needs fixing/replacing.

Worst of all, doesn't do shit at home. Doesn't even make a single effort to do some house chores even living for free. Comes and goes into her room like a hotel everyday.

If she's working her ass off, busting 100% effort left and right, at least I can see she wants to get "somewhere" in life. But just chilling and cruising everyday, well that chilling and cruising will eventually come to a halt and that's the scary part on what's next.

Yes of course thats implied.:) its their family, their house, their rules. Whats said here are only suggestions and its up to Euro if he even wants to pass them onto his parents at all. Im sure everyones intentions are good - they all just want her to be self sufficient and the suggestions are tailored that.

Thanks guys for your input. I know we are all different, great discussion!

I know I'm not the best brother in the world, always busy with my own stuff growing up and never set a role model example to my sister. Right when I finished school, all I did was spend time busting my ass off to get to a decent working position today. I'll figure something out with family to make it work with this issue.

Oddly me and her are less than 2 yrs apart in age and I had zero support. Just very odd how me and her are two different extremes. That' just life I suppose?

^^ euro im also pretty strong headed myself. When i was living at home i didnt do anything. My mom did my laundry, my dad washed dishes and cooked. I would try to help but my parents didnt really trust me lol. My dad thinks me and my mom could burn water and he hovers directly behind me if im trying to do something so i just let him have his kitchen lol. I had a short temper with my parents.... That changed when i moved out. Some space is always good. Sometimes when youre in each others face every day its a lot easier to lose your temper and say regretful things. Now im living with my bf, ive become my parents and now I do everything while my bf doesnt lift a finger. So i understand now my parents frustration with me as well.

Once she starts doing more things for herself and truly gains independence, hopefully she will realize how much your parents have helped her. I truly hope when she matures that she shows them gratitude. They sound like awesome parents to have albeit a bit soft. But its good thing that they show they love her. Not everyone has that luxury :)

Added: usually the youngest is more babied and the oldest is required to have their shit together sooner. For my family, my mom babied my brother..first born and a son. I was expected to be self sufficient sooner but they always told stories that ive been more independent as a baby/toddler so maybe its something just in me as a person too. Good luck with everything :)

Left to join the military and they threw me in the middle of butt fuck nowhere. At least rent+food is cheap and gym is free.

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