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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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11-30-2017, 01:11 PM
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#23626 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Vancouver
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Originally Posted by CorneringArtist  I just look okay at an event for about a couple of hours and go hide in a corner until it's time to leave. You can visibly see me go from hoping I'll enjoy it to "when the fuck can I just go home, no one wants anything to do with me."
This is why I don't have friends and don't like leaving my house unless it's for work or food. I honestly would rather keep people at arms length than deal with being ignored after trying so hard to get to know them and make a meaningful connection. It's happened too many times already. | Yo man so many people are antisocial. I may come off as brash and annoying here on RS cuz it seems like I kill threads but irl Im painfully shy lol. I hated large groups and meeting new people even before and once I got sick, my anxiety elevated to crippling status. Crossing the street makes me shake knowing people are in their cars and can see me LOL. ive experienced uncontrollable tremors and verbal stutters trying to get napkins out of a 16 year old kids hand who worked at a Taco Time once lol. I work hard to put myself out there and its so incredibly uncomfortable but getting out of your comfort zone can only lead to growth. I have a handful of quality friends and I dont see them often but I do make an effort to talk to them, ask them about their lives, meet up when Im physically able to. When I do see them, its like time has never passed.
Seems like youre in your head moreso, so youre getting in your own way. When you have thoughts in your head that nobody likes you, that comes off in your body language, minute facial expressions, even your tone. What you think emanates from your body like an energetic field....an aura if you will...and people can FEEL that.
Plus when you interact with people, you shouldnt have expectations. You should never assume people should meet your expectations....because truthfully, they probably dont even know you have them. You cant control what people do, you can only control yourself, how you think and your reactions. Once you start taking responsibility for this, your life can and will change indefinitely.
You should watch The Secret on Netflix. Read books like The Power, The Alchemist, The Power Of Now. Take control of your life. There's no shame in investing in self help materials. When I feel low, I bury myself in books/documentaries/articles on how to be a better ME. If you want meaningful friendships, you need to do the work and never give up. If youre at a low vibrational frequency, thats what youre putting out into the Universe and the Universe will respond in kind. You attract that whether youre conscious of it or not. You want deep friendships? Be that to yourself. Once you learn how to raise your frequency, you elevate the quality of the people you attract into your life.
Last edited by MSREE; 11-30-2017 at 01:16 PM.
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11-30-2017, 01:12 PM
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#23627 | | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Vancouver, BC
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Been scrolling through the last 6-7 pages of this thread now, and I'm noticing a pattern here.... a lot of you guys (or girls) put wayyyyy too much value into finding a relationship/partner.
Dating someone and being in a stable relationship isn't automatically going to fix your insecurities or imagined deficiencies (which I am 99% sure are not as bad as it seems to you). I work in a position where I interact with a lot of different types of people, and I can honestly say I see as many people in relationships who are not satisfied (like I used to be) as I do see single people who are unhappy. Get out of your head!
Focus on building yourself up to the best you can be. Work your ass off at school, career, whatever you are working on right now. Hit the gym, eat right, maybe get into a sport. Work on being happy with yourself and who you are, and you'll realize you don't *need* a relationship to make you happy.
I'm speaking from a guys' perspective on this, but I met my GF when I gave up on trying to find a girl. My last relationship ended, I had a string of failures after that, so I gave up and I put all my effort into finishing my undergrad and applying for jobs, as well as the gym and bettering my self-image as I was pretty overweight at the time. I tried to go out more with my guy friends and tried to be more open-minded with meeting new people instead of doing the same thing every weekend. And then I met my current GF.
I don't think she would have been attracted to me, nor would I have had the confidence to "wheel" her if I wasn't in the best shape of my life; mentally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. She was one of those girls where, in my days of being fat and lacking self-confidence, I would have checked her out but thought "fuck it, what's the point... she won't be into me".
My point? If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Focus on what you CAN control rather than what you can't. Put yourself out there, but primarily focus on making yourself into your best self. So that when, eventually, that person does come along, you'll be ready and you won't let your insecurities fuck it up for you like I did with my first long-term relationship.
You'll know you're in a healthy headspace when you realize that a good relationship just improves your life. It does not, and will not, and never will make your life.
Just my $0.02.
Last edited by Tone Loc; 11-30-2017 at 01:18 PM.
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12-01-2017, 12:23 AM
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#23628 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: BC
Posts: 2,513
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Originally Posted by CorneringArtist I guess I got sick of lying to myself that things will look up.
I have one person that I can consider a close friend. Everyone else is just someone I know who has an ulterior motive to use me for information, but not as a friend. The people I see for the few hobbies I have I see maybe a half dozen or so times a year at meets. Outside of that, I realized that I've got nothing.
Sorry to shoot down the advice, it's genuinely appreciated, but when the only person you have is yourself, you have a lot of time to think. | Ive been in the same boat as you, things were so bad for me socially at one point that I would avoid social interactions at all cost. Also Ive been on antidepressants for half my life, im 30 now. The meds do help and I am happy with myself now , but I still have those days where I feel low and helpless. If you ever need to vent PM me, hell Im even down to grab a pitcher of beer and some chicken wings if you ever need to shoot the shit.
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12-02-2017, 07:53 PM
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#23629 | | Diagonally parked in a parallel universe
Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,445
Thanked 1,930 Times in 504 Posts
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Straight up disrespectful, what the fuck do you think you're doing. Especially when you've been told to stop, take a hint and don't a selfish prick, prick.
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12-03-2017, 06:34 AM
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#23630 | | "Entertainment" mod.
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 5,110
Thanked 3,428 Times in 1,049 Posts
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Wew, socially shut down again trying to push myself to get to know people. Who knew that mental barriers would be so effective?
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Borokusowagen.
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12-03-2017, 12:12 PM
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#23631 | | Where's my RS Christmas Lobster?!
Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: New Chinatown
Posts: 867
Thanked 589 Times in 246 Posts
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Originally Posted by CorneringArtist Wew, socially shut down again trying to push myself to get to know people. Who knew that mental barriers would be so effective? | What happened? Let's hear it.
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12-03-2017, 07:06 PM
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#23632 | | "Entertainment" mod.
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 5,110
Thanked 3,428 Times in 1,049 Posts
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Invited to some random dinner by friend, try to stoke up a chat or two, only get as far as two hours before mainly talking to one person I know and minor small talk with new people before they went off with their own buddies.
Awful way to try and make friends, but I expected it. I just wanted to leave, but wanted to be polite.
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Borokusowagen.
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12-03-2017, 09:47 PM
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#23633 | | My name is Michael. J. Caboose, and I hate BABIES!
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: MoI
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I find it's easier to go to things where no one knows each other, rather than something where everyone except you knows most of the people attending. Much easier to start conversations and meet new people.
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"Can you match my resolve? If so then you will succeed. I believe that the human spirit is indomitable. If you endeavour to achieve, it will happen given enough resolve." -- Monty Oum Quote:
Originally Posted by STATUS105 IF I FIND YOU
I WILL EAT YOUR RICE! | | |
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12-04-2017, 12:34 AM
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#23634 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
Posts: 4,045
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So its been a week. I've contemplating on texting her and explain it, despite ZN6's big bold "don't do" advice. Talked to a friend and she said, "if i ghosted someone, and they texted me to explain, that would just confirm my thoughts". She's right. I've unfollowed her social media (rip fapping pics).
Aside from not knowing what to do on dates etc, over the past week, I've realized how far I've come being me since my last relationship that really tore me up. Previously I was in a really toxic relationship and had the misconception of, it'll work out as long as I keep trying. Anyway, I've realized that I'm actually a lot more self aware than I used to be. I can recognize if a situation/person/relationship isn't healthy for me, then when and where changes need to be made. Lastly, I always thought that I wanted a better version of that said ex, a replacement perhaps. But with this Tinder girl, I've come to realize that, that type of girl is nothing but unhealthy for me. And I shouldn't be comparing people or looking for someone to replace something.
So I guess it wasn't a complete write-off. Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone Loc I don't think she would have been attracted to me, nor would I have had the confidence to "wheel" her if I wasn't in the best shape of my life; mentally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. She was one of those girls where, in my days of being fat and lacking self-confidence, I would have checked her out but thought "fuck it, what's the point... she won't be into me". | But despite all your improvements mentally and physically, wouldn't you have had to have to confidence to cold pick up someone in the first place? Like you could be in the best shape of your life and improve yourself across many aspects, but still uncomfortable to pick up a random?
On another note, I completely agree with everything you're saying. I've been saying that to many of my friends, who seem to think the only way life will get better or the only reason they have to succeed at life, is to get a girlfriend.
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12-05-2017, 08:46 AM
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#23635 | | My AFC gave me an ABS CEL code of LOL while at WOT!
Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Van
Posts: 1,805
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A good date is like a good magic trick: impress them, but leave them wanting more. You know what is good on a first date? Ask about the girl and her likes, tell them about yourself and your likes. Leave material stuff out of it on a first date, like cars. Then you've established some common ground.
Like, I'm really surprised on the lost art that is human communication. I have nearly the same approach when meeting new girls and guys #nohomo. Find out about them and give a little about myself without bringing unnecessary material to the conversation.
But any ways, good on you for getting a second opinion. But any reasonable person would see ghosting as someone who no longer wants to talk to you anymore so why bother?
Again, I am no dating coach. I've been rejected by a lot of girls in my short life, but at the same time, I never see those as wasted moments. It's just learning opportunity. That is all.
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12-05-2017, 03:18 PM
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#23636 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
Posts: 4,045
Thanked 4,532 Times in 1,519 Posts
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On eastmeetseast, and what the flying fuck? Seriously?! Not gonna chat with her, but like just why. Ghosts me, then visits my profiles, lmao k 
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk
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12-06-2017, 12:54 AM
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#23637 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: BC
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So I got un-ghosted, she contacted me last Saturday.
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12-06-2017, 01:01 AM
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#23638 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
Posts: 4,045
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Originally Posted by tegra7 So I got un-ghosted, she contacted me last Saturday. | Wouldn't waste your time with someone that ghosts you on/off. Probably texts you when she's lonely/bored.
Guess it really comes down to what you're looking for.
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk
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|| 18 FK8 | R-18692 | Rallye Red | 6 MT ||
|| SOLD 97 E36 M3 Sedan | Arctic Silver | 5MT ||
|| RIP 02 E46 330ci | Schwartz Black II | 5MT | M-Tech II | Black Cube | Shadowline | Stoff Laser/Anthrazit ||
|| RIP 02 E46 M3 | Carbon Black | 6MT ||
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12-06-2017, 06:58 AM
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#23639 | | "Entertainment" mod.
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 5,110
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Clearly I'm a fucking dumbass and decided to try EME. First message sent and got a reply back. No expectation, but I've tried every other site and got fuck all.
Thanks for pointing that site out, BIC_BAWS
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Borokusowagen.
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12-06-2017, 07:05 AM
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#23640 | | :inoutugh:
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: ඞ
Posts: 9,966
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Feeling overwhelmed..
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Posted from NE 1-J W Inglis Building | |
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12-06-2017, 07:49 AM
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#23641 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
Posts: 4,045
Thanked 4,532 Times in 1,519 Posts
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I just use EME to browse tbh. I send msgs out, but I won't be able to read receiving messages cause EME makes you pay a shit load of $$$. I'm not a fan of the SaaS business model.
OkC is pretty decent but people are pretty weird. I find it cool how you can find out about someone by reading through their answered questions, assuming they answer honestly.
CorneringArtist, you should come out to the Stock and Noob meet on Friday. I'll try to be there, post exam.
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk
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|| 18 FK8 | R-18692 | Rallye Red | 6 MT ||
|| SOLD 97 E36 M3 Sedan | Arctic Silver | 5MT ||
|| RIP 02 E46 330ci | Schwartz Black II | 5MT | M-Tech II | Black Cube | Shadowline | Stoff Laser/Anthrazit ||
|| RIP 02 E46 M3 | Carbon Black | 6MT ||
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12-06-2017, 11:57 AM
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#23642 | | "Entertainment" mod.
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 5,110
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS I just use EME to browse tbh. I send msgs out, but I won't be able to read receiving messages cause EME makes you pay a shit load of $$$. I'm not a fan of the SaaS business model.
OkC is pretty decent but people are pretty weird. I find it cool how you can find out about someone by reading through their answered questions, assuming they answer honestly.
CorneringArtist, you should come out to the Stock and Noob meet on Friday. I'll try to be there, post exam.
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk | I'll try to be there, no guarantees, though.
However, with only three responses in the six years I've been on OKC, and two responses on POF in six, and literally three matches over a year of Tinder, I'm done and willing to take a swing on something else. I'm straight honest on my descriptions, and I guess being Filipino is a massive red flag based on my preference for Asians.
Fuck everything lol.
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Borokusowagen.
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12-06-2017, 12:47 PM
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#23643 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,914
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Tbh, I don't think tinder is that great for meeting someone you want a long term commitment with. From everyone I know, it's very rare for a relationship on tinder to last more than a year. It is good if you want to hook up or look around / gain some experience. The time will come when it does  | |
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12-06-2017, 01:15 PM
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#23644 | | Where's my RS Christmas Lobster?!
Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: New Chinatown
Posts: 867
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Originally Posted by SpeedStars Tbh, I don't think tinder is that great for meeting someone you want a long term commitment with. From everyone I know, it's very rare for a relationship on tinder to last more than a year. It is good if you want to hook up or look around / gain some experience. The time will come when it does | That has always been my opinion as well.
Never used Tinder, and probably never will.
I don't even know half of the dating apps people mentioned, LOL. Do these things ever work? Always thought you'd just pay money and get bots most of the time.
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12-06-2017, 02:22 PM
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#23645 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: BC
Posts: 2,513
Thanked 3,104 Times in 974 Posts
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS Wouldn't waste your time with someone that ghosts you on/off. Probably texts you when she's lonely/bored.
Guess it really comes down to what you're looking for.
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk | I think she was trying to shit test me to see how I would react to being ignored.
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12-06-2017, 03:31 PM
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#23646 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 464
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Originally Posted by tegra7 I think she was trying to shit test me to see how I would react to being ignored. | Why tho lol
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12-06-2017, 05:23 PM
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#23647 | | 14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 694
Thanked 654 Times in 193 Posts
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Someone connect with belle and show her this link  | |
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12-06-2017, 05:40 PM
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#23648 | | My name is Michael. J. Caboose, and I hate BABIES!
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: MoI
Posts: 6,576
Thanked 1,421 Times in 678 Posts
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS I just use EME to browse tbh. I send msgs out, but I won't be able to read receiving messages cause EME makes you pay a shit load of $$$. I'm not a fan of the SaaS business model.
OkC is pretty decent but people are pretty weird. I find it cool how you can find out about someone by reading through their answered questions, assuming they answer honestly.
CorneringArtist, you should come out to the Stock and Noob meet on Friday. I'll try to be there, post exam.
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk | Wait, I thought it was Thursday?
__________________
"Can you match my resolve? If so then you will succeed. I believe that the human spirit is indomitable. If you endeavour to achieve, it will happen given enough resolve." -- Monty Oum Quote:
Originally Posted by STATUS105 IF I FIND YOU
I WILL EAT YOUR RICE! | | |
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12-06-2017, 05:43 PM
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#23649 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
Posts: 4,045
Thanked 4,532 Times in 1,519 Posts
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Originally Posted by Inaii Wait, I thought it was Thursday? | Looks to be Friday, December 8 @ 8:30PM
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|| 18 FK8 | R-18692 | Rallye Red | 6 MT ||
|| SOLD 97 E36 M3 Sedan | Arctic Silver | 5MT ||
|| RIP 02 E46 330ci | Schwartz Black II | 5MT | M-Tech II | Black Cube | Shadowline | Stoff Laser/Anthrazit ||
|| RIP 02 E46 M3 | Carbon Black | 6MT ||
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12-06-2017, 06:53 PM
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#23650 | | RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: /
Posts: 4,697
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Originally Posted by tegra7 So I got un-ghosted, she contacted me last Saturday. | Do you consider someone who ghosts you as someone who cuts you off for a bit? Or someone that literally just ignores you?
On a side note, would you guys ever talk to someone again if they cut you off because their S/O didn't want them talking to the opposite sex?
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